Thursday, November 20, 2014
In early October, I wrote a blog about my anchors. I kept adding to the list (which started out at about 12, I think) until I had two dozen things that in some way or another "hold me down." Here is the list:
1. My student loan debt
2. My sentimentality
3. My strong sense of nostalgia
4. My dog (hinders traveling)
5. My weight
6. My old clothes that must fit someday
7. My tendency to procrastinate
8. My anxiety
9. My funks
10. My absentmindedness
11. My one-track mind that needs somebody else to point out better ways of doing things
12. My lease
13. My tenants' lease
14. Diet Dr Pepper
15. My "stories" (the TV)
16. My stupid job
17. My income, which is much lower than what I was making before
18. My husband's unemployment
19. My irritability with my husband
20. Keeping grudges - not knowing how to forgive or forget!
21. My inexplicable loathing of my husband's sister-in-law
22. Social media/the Internet (yes, including SP)
23. My lack of momentum and motivation
24. My headaches
I'm glad to say that number 14 is gonzo. I quit drinking pop about a month ago--had one after I got a coupon for a free fountain drink a couple weeks ago, and it's been fine. I still want one everyday, but I haven't had withdrawals or side effects. It's just a "want." I was worried that quitting it would be quite like quitting smoking, with terrible withdrawals and side effects, but no. It's been really okay.
I've lost a little weight since I stopped, too. Last time I quit for a couple weeks, I got down to my lowest weight in years...I've since gained quite a bit, so I can't say the same now! But I wonder if there is something about soda that makes you "hold onto" weight. I'm eating about the same, so I don't really buy that theory about it making you crave sweets. You know the one, "scientists don't know why people who drink diet soda weigh more, but they think..." I also don't really eat sweets, AND when I did crave sweets, a diet soda helped. Or maybe the fact that I accomplished what I considered a pretty difficult goal moves into other parts of my life. Is "If I quit Diet Dr Pepper, I can certainly go to the gym today" or something similar knocking around in my subconscious? I don't know.
Number 12 is almost gone. My lease ends in 10 days. Number 13, too. We (well, the property manager) notified the tenants that they gotta go. We also said that they can leave early without penalty if they give 30 days notice, so I hope they exercise that. They have two kids, so I would imagine it would be easier to move them over the winter break than in the middle of the semester. I don't have kids, so I have no idea--maybe it is easier to move when the kids are gone 7 hours a day! But once they're gone, we're gone, too! Hooray!
Number 16 will be gone soon. I am so excited!! And nervous. I had to take a personal day last week, because I had been panicky for several days about the whole thing. And I got weepy-eyed in front of a coworker who doesn't know what's been going on, so I had to invent a cover story.
Because number 16 is almost gone, number 1 is worse. I had to modify my payment plans, since my income is dropping. But I want very badly to throw all my extra money at that once life gets better. Because it will get better, right? I have to believe this, no?
So I needed to figure out which one I would work on next...or first, really, because the others have been only a matter of time. Even Diet Dr Pepper--I'd been cutting down on it for about four months, because I was terrified of withdrawal from the aspartame. So this is the first one I'm looking at my anchors and saying, "What shall I work on?" And so I did what I normally do when I need to decide something relatively small--I went to a random number generator. And the winner iiiiiiiiiis...number 20! Which is way easier than most to deal with, I think. Some Googling, if that doesn't work, maybe therapy when I'm in a better place. I'll get started right now.