Just an Update on Life

Monday, November 17, 2014

So this year, weight loss wasn't much of a success. I fluctuated quite a bit, but looking back I can at least say I never went over the weight I started at in January. I am currently only at about 4lbs lighter than January's weight.

Over the year, some things happened that triggered bad childhood memories to resurface with a vengeance. Things I thought I had dealt with, but in reality, I just locked them away in the back of my mind. Because of that, my self esteem completely shattered. My poor boyfriend has had to deal with several breakdowns and I feel bad for putting him through it, but I am so grateful to have him by my side offering love, support and encouragement. Together we decided that I should look into therapy and possibly anti anxiety medication.
With the complete shattering of my self esteem came a blow to my self image. The newfound beauty I could find when I looked in the mirror is no longer there.

The hardest part of everything is that I know I need the help and I know I need to get on track with exercising and improving my diet even more, but I am terrified of going through with it. I do have hope, though, that by helping my mental state through therapy, I can find the motivation I need to help myself physically.

That being said, I have at least been working on bettering my food choices. However, I am currently sick and tired of raw veggies right now and am needing to check out some spark recipes and start finding healthier alternatives to the massive cravings I've been having for unhealthy foods, which has caused me most of this past week to not only binge on junk food, but to also be constantly eating.
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    Please do not get down. I have had such a bad past with the loss of my late husband. he died at age 31 and I was 27 to leave me with my children. I went through realy rough times alone to take care of my kids. If I start looking back at those sad time I just get soooo depressed and all those hard feelings and sadness to deal with creeps up on me. We have to think of all the good things that we have and how fortunate we are to have loved ones at our side. We have to think that some how from those hard times we learned something and that we are stronger people from our past. I am married now to my second husband, he was also a widower and also went through hard times with the loss of his late wife, but I thank God for all the good that he has brought me and my family. My kids grew up very responsible adults and beautiful people. They are already married and I am so proud of them. We were alone without my late husband but we took care of each other through hard times.

    You have your boyfriend, cling on to each other and think of all the good times you have had together and will continue. Life is so beautiful go for the beauty, go for your happiness, you deserve to be happy! emoticon
    2339 days ago
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