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Went to a party last Saturday night...

Sunday, November 16, 2014

I didn't get laid, I got in a fight. Uh ain't no big thing. emoticon


I was invited to a party. The people, probably over 40 of them, were super-cool and really sweet. It was comfortable, just calm enough. The hosts were amazing- I felt acknowledged the minute I walked in the door. It was pretty awesome.

My husband, however, looked like he was going to throw up the entire time.

Darth Vader, while extremely hot, and with a great presence, is on the spectrum (for those who know what I mean). He's brilliant, cunning, prepared...

but not with people.

And he married ME. lol. The EXACT opposite of that.

I am not brilliant. Test scores say I'm smarter than average, but I'm no Einstein (and yes, I know his issues too). I am interested in people, ideas. Therefore, I read.

BUT, I can walk into any room, anywhere, anytime, and get to know people. Maybe it's the ENFJ in me? lol. I've never had a problem with this. But it's because I know at SOME level, someone is going to have something in common with me. I just have to find that niche.

My husband does not hold those same views.

And that's OKAY!

What I'm not okay with is- not being like that, but having a doom-ish,' this is so bad for our marriage' attitude. I told him he sounded like Eeyore, and it pisses me off.

I MARRIED this guy. I CHOSE him. and I feel like him getting upset about this, is like not acknowledging the other 99% of our relationship!

How can you be SO upset about the ONE thing you CAN'T be, when your partner is telling you that it's OK, and you are EVERYTHING ELSE????

I'm rambling. But I'm upset. I'm upset because he's upset. I understand it- he knows my spark is reaching out to other people. His spark is math. science. making things work, in the best way possible.

and we both have great sparks!! Great sparks!!

I only brought him because he seemed to be happy and willing to go. I'm thinking now that he was just trying to be supportive. And that's awesome too! I was worried that he would be uncomfortable, and he was. I told him that it was a good thing- that I kind of knew how it would play out, and it happened exactly how I thought it would.

And I think I broke his heart. But I was trying to tell him that it was ok. That I expected it. Epic fail on my part.

This man is my world. I love him more than words can describe. And I feel awful.

But it was a really good party.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Your husband sounds a lot like my husband, Sparky. In fact, I would use those exact same words to describe Rob. But I'd also have to add "a social retard" to that list. He'd be the first to admit it too, so I'm not just sitting over here badmouthing him. I used to feel bad for Rob at parties too, so can relate to you on that front. He, OTOH, has never felt bad for not being a "life of the party" type of guy. Honestly, I think we balance each other out, and I suspect it's the same with you and Darth. Hopefully Darth will realize that you just can't change one aspect of your personality without it affecting other areas. We all have positive and not-so-positive traits, yet we're all worthy of love.

    Next time he starts acting all Eeyore on you, call upon your inner Pooh and bring out the pot o' honey. That should sweeten him up and make him realize that you two are indeed a match made in heaven. emoticon
    2096 days ago
    Sounds familiar. The only parties I force my wife to go to are family functions, otherwise, we both have a much better time when I go by myself. It took a looooooooooong time for both of us to be realize that was OK, so you are well ahead of the game. There are a lot of surface things we don't have in common ( like kitchens! ha!) but we line up perfectly on that stuff that really matters, love, respect, how we want to raise our children, honesty, monogamy etc. :) Sound like you and your hubby are the same. He just needs to learn its ok. One person can not be EVERYTHING to the other. It's not possible and it's not healthy. You will just have to keep reminding him it's not the end of the world and its ok for a bit. It will sink in. :) /hugs
    2097 days ago
    Hot and smart and mysterious doesn't sound too shabby emoticon He sounds a little like Sherlock if Sherlock ended up with Molly. emoticon I'll bet he doesn't know you are feeling all this. He probably thinks he's an embarrassment to you. I agree with BEMORESTUBBORN. Show him the blog.
    2097 days ago

    Comment edited on: 11/17/2014 8:45:49 AM
    Wow - you are so supportive to Darth! emoticon
    2097 days ago
    Sparky, you are so awesome! It sounds like you need a special 'husband' day. Make his fav meal and treat him like he is the best thing in your life, 'cuz it sounds like he is!
    2098 days ago
  • HEYRED221
    I'm so glad you had a good time, and I could tell as well he was uncomfortable. Maybe a little more intimate next time - smaller group. He was totally supportive - and like you said, that's awesome. Imagine if we were exactly like our partners - no differences, how boring emoticon emoticon

    Hope your day was good today.

    Carolyn emoticon
    2098 days ago
    emoticon So sorry! I agree with others who suggested reading this blog to him.
    2098 days ago
    I am with Darth, I want to hide under the table at most parties. Small talk with strangers makes my chest tighten. I am so horrible at it. people quip and i'm like "uh, yeah, sorry I'm like slow and stuff." blink. blink. blink.
    I like to think I am smart but I know I am not good at conversational--thinking on the fly-- with well meaning funny makers.
    At my wedding I was the clearly very happy deer-in-the-headlights in white, and that was only 4.5 years ago.
    2098 days ago
    The ying and yang of marriage! :) Sounds like you adore him, I am betting in the long run that counts for a lot more than you being in different places on the sociability scale. I know several couples where the wife likes to socialize more than the husband and just goes without him! Funny, now that I think about it, I don't know any where the husband is the more outgoing.....I have been married forever, and he has gotten more social over the years and I have gotten a little less so. We spend a lot more time doing nothing together (tv, grocery shopping, going for a walk) than we do doing something, so I am grateful we do nothing very well :)
    2098 days ago
    It is very difficult to be someone you are not. It is impossible to ever know exactly how another feels, what they are experiencing at that very moment they have put themselves out on a limb for their loved one. It is also impossible to understand what they are feeling when it all goes wrong and they just can't stick it out. I respect your husband for being the best he could be and wanting so desperately to make you happy. That's another thing though, we cannot make another person happy, we have to make our own happiness. Button is right is LOUD AND CLEAR how much you love one another. I'm sorry it ended up in a fight but as Diane says, guys get over things faster, they do not let things fester. AND YOU.....are so fortunate to be so outgoing, fun loving, committed and understanding and PATIENT! Your husband knows he is blessed to have you and you know you are blessed to have him. That is the most important thing of all! TRUE LOVE!
    2098 days ago
    Same scenario at our household. That is why we need to live close to each other, so we could go to the parties & let the hubbies stay at home :)

    Either way, I'm glad you had a good time & even if he didn't enjoy it, hopefully he enjoyed seeing you in your element. Sounds like he would shake this off in no time. Guys don't seem to worry about stuffs as much as we do. Go kiss & make up :)
    2098 days ago
  • GHK1962
    Ahhh, that means husband dude is an intp right? I'm guessing after a night or so he'll realize he was over blowing that 1 thing and y'all will be okay. Mostly - what the Button Lady mentioned. ..I think she said it well.

    And also, don't feel bad and try not to beat yourself up about making him feel bad too. I suspect he knows that you were just trying to make him feel better. .and it was just an awkward moment. Someone elsend mentioned reading this to him. I like that idea too.
    2098 days ago
    I'm sorry to hear that you're upset (or WERE upset--it might have all blown over by now). After reading this a couple of times, what I most get out of it is how much you and your husband love each other. He wanted to support you by going to the party despite the fact that he feels he's not good at handling big crowds of strangers, and your heart ached for him when he felt he had fallen short of your standards by not being Mr. Congeniality.

    Hey--I've been on both sides of that couple--my college sweetheart was outgoing at parties and I was shy. Now, I'm outgoing and screechy at parties and my husband is more reserved. I think I understand your husband's feelings of extreme discomfort and disappointment in himself (if I read the story right). But it's clear from what you've written here and heretofore that this will soon be resolved. There's no way he's not going to figure out that you love him no matter what, and maybe he won't feel in the future that he has to achieve excellence in every single endeavor. Personally, an able-to-make-things-work husband would make my heart go pitter patter. There's nothing more attractive than an engineer. (My husband used to be a tunnel engineer, and I have taught English to oodles of smart, cute engineers.) Hurray for your make-things-work sweetie, and hurray for all the engineers without whom the world would be such a dangerous, frustrating mess!

    So have a good Sunday, Sparky and Darth!
    2098 days ago

    Comment edited on: 11/16/2014 7:29:18 AM
    Sweet! Read the blog to him - it leaves no doubt as to how you feel about the wonderful effort he made to please you and to step out of his comfort zone.
    2098 days ago
    Aww. A big group of people he didn't know can be tough. You guys will work it out. I was painfully shy in some situations and I can remember the exact moment I was walking over to a large group and decided to fake it. It quickly became NOT faking it and they are mostly all very good friends now.
    Opposites can be good for each other. Next time just get together with less people. Tell him something he might have in common with so an so?

    2098 days ago
  • _BABE_
    Does he have a brother? emoticon
    2098 days ago
  • ZRIE014
    glad you had a good time
    2098 days ago
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