I look around and see no one.
Now, in the past I’ve joked about talking to myself. I tell people it’s nothing to worry about, as long as I don’t get in any arguments. Well, this time, the little sit down with Queen Kathleen (that’s me, at least in my own mind, if not my house) is for real.
“Um, er, excuse me?”, I say.
“Ooops! Sorry, I meant, Your Majesty.”
“That’s better. What can I do for you?”
“It’s more likely what I can do for you, Queenie. Week One of your new healthy lifestyle is in the books. Do you think we should review how you did to figure out what worked and what didn’t and, maybe, what can help you in the future?”
“That might be a good idea . . . or not, depending on how this goes.”, I reply.
“Okay. Let’s start with the results of your first ‘Official Weigh Day’. How’d you do?”
I say, “That’s a great place to begin. I had a tremendous first week. I lost 6.3 pounds. I know it’s mostly water and I can’t expect to lose anywhere near that much every week. I wouldn’t even want to; it wouldn’t be healthy.”
“Good for you, Queenie! You’re learning! You definitely won’t be doing that very often, but, still, 6.3 lbs. in one week is a pretty gaudy number, even for a royal personage of your stature. What do you think you did that made you so successful?”
Me, tapping my chin, in a pose of self-reflection.
“Thanks for asking that question first, because the answer’s pretty obvious. I tracked almost all my food, did my best to eat within my calorie range, drank enough water to float the QEII (I still can’t believe that witch has a luxury cruise ship named after her!), and exercised at least 15 minutes every day; sometimes more. I also visited SparkPeople every day and got myself royally Sparked.”
“That’s great, Queenie! Sounds like you did everything right.”
My brow furrows as I consider whether or not to “come clean”. Well, if this is going to work for me, I better fess up.
“Well, my loyal royal subject, not so fast. There were two days that I went over my calories because I was snacking at night. That wasn’t so great.”
“Ah, yes, My Queen, BUT you ALSO went seven full days without your almost daily Hot Fudge Sundae. I’m pretty sure that more than balances out those two little faux pas. What can you learn from that?”
“That I don’t have to be perfect? That I can make mistakes occasionally and it doesn’t mean I’m a total failure or that I should give up?”
“RIGHT! Now, since you brought it up, let me ask you something else, Your Majesty. Did you have any difficult moments or times you thought about giving up this past week?”
“Why, you impudent serf! How dare you question the personal strength and constitution of your Queen!”
“I meant no disrespect, Queenie, but I think it’s important for you to think about this carefully because, if you did have one or two slightly weak moments, you might be able to turn them to your advantage.”
“Hmmmm, I see what you mean – all the better to prepare for and reinforce my potential weak spots. There were those two nights I went over my calories and, honestly, I wanted to snack every other night, too. I wanted hot buttered popcorn, Pepperidge Farm Sausalitos and Milano Melts, and ice cream. Fortunately, I didn’t have any in the royal kitchen and I had Princess Dottie nearby to stop me if I called for the carriage to take me to the village grocer.
And then there were the days I exercised. OMG! Everything hurt. My lower back, my hips, my hip flexors, my quads, my hammies, and my calves! I even got a blister on my dainty little royal tootsies! While I was walking and dancing, I remember thinking to myself, ‘Why, oh, why did I let this happen to me? It was only a few short years ago that I was thinner and could jog for miles without pain or wanting to lay down by the side of the road and die! What was I thinking?!
Oh, and the days I sat on the floor to brush my dogs. The brushing wasn’t so bad, but lifting my royal fannie back up off the floor was a REAL adventure! How did I let things go so far?!”
My royal subject just sat there quietly for a few minutes, waiting for what I’d just said to sink in. Then she asked, “So, what can you learn from all that and how can it benefit you in the future?”
These questions were getting pretty tough! I really had to stop and think for a minute.
“Okay. First of all, not having tempting, unhealthy foods in the house is a good strategy for keeping them out of my mouth when I’m tired and my royal willpower is ebbing. It’s also good to have Princess Dottie there to ‘talk me off the proverbial ledge’ and hide the keys to the royal carriage, if necessary.
As far as exercise goes, I know that it will get easier as I get stronger. I’m always amazed at how fast my body responds to proper, loving care and attention and that pushes me to go on. The other good thing, about the pain part, is that I can always remind myself of how much this first week hurt and that I NEVER want to go through this again. How am I doing?”
“Very well, my Queen. What else can you do to continue your success?”
“Well, I have to continue doing what I’ve been doing, but even more. I can continue to use the royal kitchen for my healthy meals instead of dining out so frequently. And, I just got my new Spark Activity Tracker and I’m looking forward to using that to increase my daily activity even further. It’s such a cute little thing, don’t you agree?”
“Absolutely, Your Majesty. Can you think of anything else you’d like to do to ensure your new healthy lifestyle is permanent?”
“Well, I still have to update my SparkPage and I’d like to join a couple of SparkTeams. I’m asking everyone in SparkLand to let me know of any teams that might work for me: ones that have about 100 or 200 hundred Sparkers and that are VERY active. Those are pretty hard to find!”
“That’s very true Your Royal Highness. I hope you find what you’re seeking and I hope I have been of service to you, Queen Kathleen.”
“You most certainly have, my loyal royal subject. You’re very wise and I thank you.”
Don't Give Up!