Super Hero Strength
Monday, November 03, 2014
My recent super hero strength that I didn't know I had until I've had to use it is way more mental than it is physical.
I've talked/blogged a little bit about it already on spark so some of you may know a little bit already.
I've seen quite a few therapists in my lifetime for many different situations. I don't think I'd be the person I am today without their help. Heck, I don't even think I'd be here now if it wasn't for a few of them.
I started seeing my most recent therapist in October of last year, after transitioning from one I had for almost four years (I moved and 3 hours got to be a long commute!). Anyway, seeing him led me to other therapy opportunities at the same place. So at one point I was in three groups and also individual therapy. It was in the groups that I realized I needed more help...that my relationship has many characteristics of an abusive relationship.
It took me a while to accept the idea of domestic violence. Something that no person wants to believe about their relationship. The moment it clicked for me was one night when my husband got angry. He locked me in the bathroom for a bit which shook me up. I remember going in the bedroom trying to get away from him. I locked the door so that I could gather my keys, wallet, and phone before leaving. He was banging on the door to be let in, so when I did open the door I ran for the side door. He came up behind me and had a strong hold on my arms. It left me with bruises that he denied giving me. I struggled to get free and then ran out the door. I sat in my car crying, his mom came after me. I had my seat belt buckled, and was contemplating driving away. She reached in my car and unbuckled it and pulled me out. I felt so violated.
One of those therapists gave me a list of resources for domestic violence centers. So I worked up the courage and called the crisis line one day. The call didn't go through but a couple weeks later I decided to email. I set up an intake appointment back in August. Decided to be put on the individual therapy list. Just got in a couple weeks ago to see one of the dv center's therapists. I'm really thankful but it's been really hard.
Many people don't understand what this feels like. To hold it all together when you feel like falling apart. I honestly have no idea how I make it through work some days. To me that seems like super hero strength.