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Super Hero Strength

Monday, November 03, 2014

My recent super hero strength that I didn't know I had until I've had to use it is way more mental than it is physical.

I've talked/blogged a little bit about it already on spark so some of you may know a little bit already.

I've seen quite a few therapists in my lifetime for many different situations. I don't think I'd be the person I am today without their help. Heck, I don't even think I'd be here now if it wasn't for a few of them.

I started seeing my most recent therapist in October of last year, after transitioning from one I had for almost four years (I moved and 3 hours got to be a long commute!). Anyway, seeing him led me to other therapy opportunities at the same place. So at one point I was in three groups and also individual therapy. It was in the groups that I realized I needed more help...that my relationship has many characteristics of an abusive relationship.

It took me a while to accept the idea of domestic violence. Something that no person wants to believe about their relationship. The moment it clicked for me was one night when my husband got angry. He locked me in the bathroom for a bit which shook me up. I remember going in the bedroom trying to get away from him. I locked the door so that I could gather my keys, wallet, and phone before leaving. He was banging on the door to be let in, so when I did open the door I ran for the side door. He came up behind me and had a strong hold on my arms. It left me with bruises that he denied giving me. I struggled to get free and then ran out the door. I sat in my car crying, his mom came after me. I had my seat belt buckled, and was contemplating driving away. She reached in my car and unbuckled it and pulled me out. I felt so violated.

One of those therapists gave me a list of resources for domestic violence centers. So I worked up the courage and called the crisis line one day. The call didn't go through but a couple weeks later I decided to email. I set up an intake appointment back in August. Decided to be put on the individual therapy list. Just got in a couple weeks ago to see one of the dv center's therapists. I'm really thankful but it's been really hard.

Many people don't understand what this feels like. To hold it all together when you feel like falling apart. I honestly have no idea how I make it through work some days. To me that seems like super hero strength.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Good good good for you. I'm not even going to say I am sorry. I'm just proud of you for taking charge of your life. You are not a child to be pushed around. emoticon You are emoticon
    2370 days ago
  • MARYBETH4884
    emoticon You are in my prayers!!!
    2374 days ago
  • CAT125
    2375 days ago
    emoticon I continue praying for you. I have been blessed to not have had to undergo dv, but one of my sisters did. Keep on working through with your therapists and remember, we really do think you are a Super Hero and want to be listening ears when you need them. Please let us know how we can be of help to you if we can do more.
    2375 days ago
  • 40_4ME4FAMILY
    You are a super hero to yourself for recognizing the situation, and seeking the help you need to make your life better. You are worth it! Please continue to come talk with us and share. I always look for your posts to see your updates. I am praying for you, and cheering you on.
    2375 days ago
  • no profile photo CD11365482
    Thank you so much for sharing such a personal part of your life. I spent a few years working with dv survivors both as a counselor to groups and then also to individuals and can tell you from that experience that I have such a respect for all that you are going through. I am so happy you are a part of our team. You sure do have some amazing super hero strength. Please let us know if there is anything additional we can do to be supportive. You deserve nothing but happiness.
    2375 days ago
    Oh Michelle I'm so very sorry you are going through this trauma! You ARE a superhero, not only for seeking help with a terrible situation but for being strong enough to share it with us here. I'm praying you will get the help you need! Hugs, Marilyn
    2375 days ago
    How true
    2375 days ago
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