BLC 26 WEC 7 Blogs
Sunday, November 02, 2014
When did I exhibit super hero strength? The best example I can think of is after our house fire many years ago. DH and I were at a breaking point, having moved in with his mother to take care of her, and trying to keep our own careers going. Thank goodness his mother was in the hospital the night of the fire. DH was really the superhero that night, and kept the house from burning to the ground until the fire department got there. For me it was afterward, helping him until he could use his hands again, getting the house packed up so the reconstruction could get started, cleaning things the insurance inspector said were uncleanable (409 + nylon net works miracles combined with elbow grease!). Finding places for his mother and us to stay; helping him in any way I could to get things back together so we could all move back in. Dealing with all of that drew us all back together, with our common goal of getting back home.
My secret identity? What’s behind the mask? As I get older, more and more I just AM. I do have masks I wear here and there, I guess. I have more of a sense of humor than I show at home, and I am more disorganized than I let show at work. The person I’ve always dreamed of being is strong, capable, loving, inspiring, organized and efficient. I think I show each of those qualities at times – I’d like to be able to show them all, all at once. And I tend to deny these qualities in myself. I often, for example, think I’m very disorganized. Yet I have a routine to smoothly handle meal planning, grocery shopping, laundry, workouts, making meals. I usually plan in advance. However my surroundings are cluttered, and that may be my strongest mask, my method of pushing people away to claim my own space – even though I’ve made that space smaller with my clutter. If you tore that mask away you’d find a person who wants adventure, space, and a way to be heard. My excess weight is another mask, and inside you’d find the girl who loved to run and dance and fence and learn martial arts and do yoga. Little by little, I’m bringing these pieces back into my life, in ways my current life can handle. Little by little, I’m peeling those layers away so I can have the courage to be all the things I want to be, all at once. And to use my voice.