500-999 SparkPoints 897

as things slow down

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

I reset all of my sparkpeople streaks on Monday as I've decided to just let go of the past and start over where I am now. I'll take what I've learned and get back on track, but forgive myself my mistakes and move on.

Easier said than done.

I realized this weekend that I've been in a vicious circle of shame and anger toward myself. Life has been super chaotic, but I wasn't putting much effort into checking in with SparkPeople and tracking my food/workouts. I have the apps on my phone for god's sake - I know I can make five minutes to do it. And I've fallen back into that pattern of not tracking what I eat, even on good days, because I don't want to know. If I wasn't taking part in a few challenges, I doubt I would have weighed myself.

The problem with this is that not only am I not taking accountability for things, but I'm treating them like they are things to be ashamed of, which just causes more mental issues, and I end up feeling bad and eating more, but my imagination tends to go to someplace irrationally horrible. So I might go over my calories but because I didn't track it, I convince myself it's a waste and blow more than just that day. Or, in the past, I wouldn't weigh in and just let myself believe I had gained 25 lbs (again irrational, I know) and all is lost.

So this week I'm focusing on two things:

1) accountability to myself. No hiding from scales or trackers or the cold, hard truths of life.
2) forgiving myself mistakes and creating positive mantras to keep with me. It's hard to fight back against the monster voice in my head that likes to tell me I'm a failure and then sits back smugly in satisfaction when I mess up, shouting things like, "See, I told you! I knew you couldn't do it!"

I really appreciate all the comments on my last blog post and I've taken the suggestions to heart, especially focusing small and kicking butt on the small things.

It's time to focus back on me and what I need.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I wish you lots of luck and good health. It's a long struggle but without struggle there is no progress. Have a great weekend!
    2468 days ago
  • no profile photo CD4300142
    I like your ideas about starting fresh and focusing on doing the small steps consistently. They will add up to big steps over time! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2469 days ago
    You have done some hard work here. Good to move on. Best on the journey. emoticon
    2469 days ago
    I think it is great that you reset all your goals and are not looking in the past. That is one thing to help get you back on track because the past, well it is in the past! What you do today and going forward is what really counts.

    I think the two things you are going to focus on this week are an excellent way to get you started. I know you can do it! And like Val said... diamonds are made under pressure. You got this Diamond Friend!!!! And you have all of us other Diamonds behind you every step of the way!

    2470 days ago
  • VALYNN26
    It's tough, but remember pressure makes Diamonds! One day at a time. You got this. emoticon emoticon
    2470 days ago
    Start your day by saying " I love myself enough to get healthy". Being selfish is better than self-sabotage.
    emoticon emoticon
    2470 days ago
  • NEPTUNE1939
    Good for you - charge on!
    2470 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.