Nothing Changes if Nothing Changes...

Sunday, October 12, 2014

I'm not in a good place. I am having a lot of mental debates and the things I say are not so pretty. I try to be positive on the outside but even that has started becoming a bit of a struggle at times.

I weighed myself this morning and I knew that it was not going to be pretty. I have put on close to 50 since early spring. This CANNOT continue. My old feelings and insecurities and aching joints along with other areas, have returned. If this continues, I will be at my post pregnancy weight of almost 9 years ago. That is NOT an option. I don't want to go back to that life. I am so scared. As I type this, I have tears streaming down my face. I hate the me that I've returned to. I don't like looking in the mirror, my clothes don't look/feel right on me and I have a lot less self confidence than I did even 2 months ago. Something's got to give.

Every time I try and change my eating, it's just not happening. At this point, I can't do a full day of whatever the change might be.

Today, this morning, I have decided that my focus needs to be even smaller. Baby steps are going to be playing such a big part for me right now.

My 3 F's:

Faith: Faith has to come first for me. I know that without it, I get no where. And with prayer comes positivity. I know that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!!

Fitness: No brainer...I am making fitness a big part of my baby steps. For now, 10,000 steps daily baby! I have some days where I'm up and some where I'm down. I am shooting for consistency here. My body needs that movement without the pain. I was at Walmart on Friday and my back was just hurting so badly. I knew it was from the extra weight on my body. Time to get focused!

Fuel: Obviously I need to be eating right. At this point, I am not able to follow anything I start. So I will start with consistently drinking 3 liters of water daily. I also will start thinking as I'm eating; am I truly hungry ,am I bored, am I numbing my feelings? I may look into writing what I'm eating. I'm just very bad at journaling and I aiming for consistency in all 3 F's!! Perhaps blogging would help at the start or end of the day? I will have to see what works best. I also need to stop eating after 8pm. I would say earlier but the problem with that is that I work 10hr days and I sometimes am cooking when I get home at 630 or 7.

Something else that I've been worried about is my daughter. She has put on some serious belly weight and it's affected her clothing-namely pants. I need to find some activities for her to do and also plan out our family meals better. DH is not always a big help with the food because fast food is usually his go to choice. Time to start meal planning and making up some freezer meals to save on meal prep in the evenings and get healthier options in our bodies!

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  • SAGE150
    Do you think it might be possible that you have post-partum depression? Maybe you are eating emotionally your depression and that's why you feel you can't control your food? Regarding your daughter, if your husband is feeding her fast food, that surely puts on weight fast. Otherwise, I would focus on healthy food but not only that but also PORTIONS! Teach her how to serve herself adequate portions and how to know when she is full versus when she just wants to keep eating for any reason other than to satiate hunger. Get her involved in activities. It's a combination of things you need to do for her and for you.

    How about the baby steps? Set a goal to do one thing for a week or two weeks consistently. Start logging in your Nutrition Tracker for instance. After you complete that successfully, keep that going and add a walk three times a week for two weeks. Once you can complete that successfully, keep adding or tweaking with what you can do successfully and consistently until you've developed a momentum over time and a history of success to help propel you and keep you going. You can do this! I believe in you. One foot in front of the other. Talk and pray to God while you are walking. The walk will fuel your endorphins and you can unburden yourself to God while you walk, decreasing your stress and building on your positivity. You can do this, girl. Just keep looking forward.

    2405 days ago
    Simone, I enjoyed meeting you at a get-together back in February and admire your racong and beautiful pictures. I'm sorry you're in so much pain, and would love to see you happy. I hope you find what you need to help you get yourself in better spirits and better health. emoticon
    2406 days ago
    Facing your fear (weight) is the first step. I know it is difficult, I have been there more than once. But you are a strong woman, you need to pick yourself up and start again. Water is a good thing to start with, it will help flush out toxins. Meal planning is the key, including snacks for me. And once a week, one meal I have what I want. I have always fresh fruit prepared in the fridge, a green salad and protein: Cooked chicken, tuna, hard boiled eggs. Like you hubby is a fast food lover, even last night he could not just have mashed potatoes it had to make some gravy. Weighing out your portion is also best, not just winging. A good whey protein powder helps for smoothies and fast on the go breaskfast or right after you workout.

    As for your daughter, increasing her activity along with keeping an eye on what she drinks and eats will help. Walk, going to the park, etc. One thing also, do not eat in front of the tv, have meals at the table I found really helped us.

    You can do this my friend, I know you can, love you !!! Josée emoticon emoticon
    2406 days ago
    Simone, weighing yourself is definitely a step in the right direction. So is the water. Do you use the food tracker here? I find it really helps me. They have made some changes recently that make it easier to use. I also have the app on my phone so I can keep track through the day. Even if you aren't actively changing your food yet, it helps just to see where you are. It may help point out some problem areas.

    You know I have lost and gained back almost all of it. I am losing it again and this is the last time, because I am never going back again. It is too painful, literally as well as figuratively. You can do it too.

    And as far as your daughter goes, being a good example is the best thing you can do. You can only control so much of her day so she needs to learn good habits that will keep her on the right track even when you aren't there. My mom always tried to tell me what to eat but didn't set a good example herself and it just didn't work. It just made me feel angry and deprived as a child. Children mimic us and we are not even aware of it.

    I am also eating late many evenings due to DH's schedule. I'm trying not to just sit after, though, and it seems to be helping.

    emoticon emoticon
    2406 days ago
    Sounds like you are getting back on the right track and are taking the right steps - little by little! I wish you luck and know that we are all here for you and going through similar journeys. How old is your daughter? We had a similar issue with our now 11 year old son and we all have tried to become more active this year and change what we have in our house to eat. It's not perfect but it has helped him and all of us make better choices and be more healthy!
    2406 days ago
    Aw! Keep your head up!

    At one time, I was 230 (UNBELIEVABLE) pounds. I was pre-everything (high blood pressure, diabetic, etc.). I was so winded trying to make it up a flight of stairs. I was out of control. I knew I wanted to change, but I just did know WHAT to do to make it happen. I lost my first 30 pounds (in four months) doing these few things:

    1. I ate one piece of fruit BEFORE every meal.

    2. I always ate EVERY meal from a small plate (automatic portion control).

    3. I never ate in my vehicle--EVER. (And to this day, I don't).

    4. I prayed to God to free my mind from negative thoughts, and to make negative people flee from me.

    5. I began visualizing myself as small ALL DAY EVERYDAY. And before I knew it, it was happening.

    Rome wasn't built in a day, and neither will your ideal body be. Just know that your struggle has been someone else's battle as well. You can win in the end, and incorporating SP helps out TREMENDOUSLY.

    Stay strong and wipe away those tears, girlfriend--YOU GOT THIS!
    2407 days ago
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