"There's A Leak In This Old Building..."
Friday, September 26, 2014
That song says a lot of how my body is feeling today. For those who aren't familiar with the song it's sung by Ms. Lashun Pace. It is worth hearing-it says it all! The "building" is my body and the "leak" is from the pain of repairing it.
Every time the dental hygienist scraped and cleaned me was as if "old paint" were being removed. When the dentist drilled he was attaching those new "screws". Jesus, is my foundation so that IS sound but Lord...this building has so much that needs repairing; especially the roof!
"This old building keeps on leaning, Lord, and my soul..." everyday my body becomes lighter I realize that I'm losing a part of "her", my first born. That at the end of my Recovery I will have lost a total of HER adult weight. So, this process isn't so much about the pounds it's about: RELEASE. I've never released her to the Father, at least not in my mind. I will never lose her from my heart. To find HIS peace I have to release her spirit to HIM so he can fill my heart-the only person who can do it-Jesus Christ.
This building is aching and crackling with the pain of restoration but it's all for the better. I have 3 more surgeries each one for a different part of me. All because of the Damage of Grief n' Depression. That hurricane of Grief n' Depression almost destroyed this "building". One day in the midst of hurt and grief I remembered that song by Ms. Pace. It was sung at my mother's funeral and it was as if Mom was speaking to me: "This old building keeps on sinking and my soul..has got to move, my soul..has got to move..move to another building; a building not made by man's hands".
She was telling me to MOVE my body and get out of bed. I knew the road would be long and rough; most likely filled with much pain (Amen) but I'm "walking it". My journey of Recovery. I'll cry sometimes, for I still grieve and I still feel pain, but I'll still keep moving on for me, for her, for THEM...as they "chip away" one layer at a time on this "old building".