I have had a few rough years and my life has been up and down so much I felt like I was riding a roller coaster. But we have all had times like that periodically in life. This last life roller coaster was important to me because of the fact that I had just lost 180 lbs before it hit. I was on top of the world, and felt nothing could bring me down, and fell hard when I realized that if not prepared, we can all be brought down by life’s horrendous roller coasters.
The fact of the matter was, I was not prepared, are we ever?
Since then I have tried several times to get back on my feet, get financially secure, get emotionally secure, get my marriage secure, lose the rest of this weight, and basically just be happy again. It has been a struggle.
I kept thinking that if I could just get back to that time when I was so motivated I walked a foot off the floor. So, I had a thought… I would go back and read some of my old blogs and find out where I got the motivation so I can revisit it, and hopefully it will be contagious once again. So, I went back and began reading, it did not take very long before I found it…
OMG… it was me all along!
The motivation come from myself!
Not honking my own horn or anything but I wrote some pretty motivating blogs. I never realized it then, it was just me venting, or ranting, or just sharing. But honestly, I read those blogs and I am motivated by myself! So… here it is, I’m going to continue, I think it will do me a lot of good in many ways. Of course there will be tons of plagiarizing… from myself of course… and I will be putting my own past words into my own current situations, and learn from them.
WOW, it was me all along… I am really amazed, truly!
I was so REAL! So forward and I just put it out there!
Here was what I read that caught my eye today and brought tears to my eyes:
Then I learned right?
…or did I?
Aren't I still doing the same things now? No, actually I am not, I have changed, but not for the better. Now I am afraid! I learned, “everything can possibly touch me…” but I never put it to mindset the part where “I will bend and move, and stretch… and then it will be gone and I will still be here in one piece… still standing!” When did I forget that part? Once I realized everything CAN touch me, then I just got scared. Stopped taking chances, stopped sticking my neck out there to learn that I CAN… and eventually I stopped realizing I could and then it was just “I’m scared to.”
I am scared to lose this weight!
I am scared I will get laughed at for the excess skin!
I am scared that I will continue to fail!
I am scared that people will look at my journey and say, “your still doing this, why haven’t you finished yet?”
I am scared no one believes I can do this… aren’t they saying, “here we go again, she will be on this path for a few weeks, then life will happen and she will quit again…” *will fail again* they mean, right?
I am scared of being scared most of all, afraid I will never not be scared…
I heard a saying when I was younger, “there is nothing to fear but fear itself.”
I don’t want to be afraid anymore, but I am the only one that can do anything about it. I am the only one that can learn that when the storm hits, I can bend and withstand the beating and still be standing in the end.
I begin by getting out of my own safe, cozy, and comfy little comfort zone!
One thing I DO know is I can do this... I was there once, I CAN and WILL BE there once again!
…and it begins!