Expectations for BLC 26 etc.
Friday, September 19, 2014
I have many expectations for the next 12 weeks. However I know that if I try to incorporate them all it won't be pretty. Especially considering that I have been struggling lately to just get the basics down.
Three of the bigger things are
3. Food planning and prep
I feel like once I can get in a good routine with all of those I will see a major difference in weight loss and overall less of an overwhelmed and tired feeling.
One of the major hurdles for me right now is home life. Things haven't been going that good and my emotions are all over the place. Earlier in the summer I had dealt with a lot of domestic violence issues and even went for an appointment at a DV center. I haven't gone back since that appointment, but it's still an issue that I have to deal with regularly. Lately since DH and I have been living with MIL, BIL and fSIL things have been really crazy. I totally understand the saying 'Never live with your in-laws.' I swear if I have to hear 'This is my house' or any other of her empty threats I'm going to flip my sh!t. Plus the third dog BIL and fSIL got is seriously ridiculous. I'm not a huge dog lover in the first place. They had a dog when I moved in and then I got a tiny dog so we had two. Three is enough to make me go bat sh!t crazy insane. Oh did I mention this dog isn't trained at all? Including potty training. And they all stay in the kitchen where I have to cook. Oh and when they clean up from the dog they leave it on the table in a plastic bag. We don't eat in the kitchen because of the dogs but the smell is so nasty. I don't even want to think about what is getting into the air. Yuck.
I mentioned in my last blog about problems with my therapist. I started seeing him around October of last year. Overall things were going okay. Recently things just sort of blew up. He made a comment about how he can only see that clients that really need his help so instead of scheduling me for a weekly appointment like usual he bumped me to two weeks. I get that he has other clients but that was super tacky. Last session I called him out on it because he asked why I wasn't talking as much. He decided it was okay to compare it to the group session. Saying to me that he made an effort to change topics in the group so that I got a chance to talk and all I said was that I've been working a lot. Why yes, lets sit here and compare apples to oranges. We don't have to share in group if we don't want, you don't think I would have interrupted if I had something good to say? Trying to make me feel bad that I called you out on what you said before are you. Pathetic. I was supposed to see him on Monday but I called at the end of last week and said that I just needed some space. As much as I NEED to be in therapy I felt like I still needed time to process everything. Plus it was my day off and DH and I wanted to go to the apple orchard. I see him again on Monday, I'm not completely sure how to feel about it though. He did leave me a message that he is praying for me as he does for all his clients.
I've been working a lot more lately too. It's good because I have bills to pay and it gets me out of the house. But I am also struggling because I feel like I can never get anything done. My life feels so chaotic! I know there are others that do way more with less time but where I am at right now I am feeling stuck. Plus add in sleeping problems and I'm just a huge mess. I've been going off meds for narcolepsy because my insurance won't cover them. My new sleep doctor isn't so sure that I have narcolepsy anyway but I do for sure have sleep apnea. I haven't been able to wear my sleep machine because my anxiety has been super high lately. I feel like I'm being suffocated more often than not so it freaks me out.
As I stated above, those major things are what I hope to be gaining on in the next 3 months. There are a lot of smaller things too but those are definitely core things. Obviously I would also love to lose weight by the end of the challenge too but I can see that happening with focusing on those other areas more. It's going to be an interesting round with having to get used to a new team. I'm not quite sure how to feel about it but overall having a hard time with all the other upsets in my life. Nothing against the team just something I personally have to deal with on my own. I know I have been fighting off the 'bitter bug' lately so I'm trying not to let him get the best of me and what I can accomplish.