I'm Tired of Apologizing

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

I was all set to write something uplifting and awesome for my first blog back on Spark, but then life happened. One of the projects I do at work, that makes up about half of my hours mind you, was suddenly cancelled out of nowhere and no one thought to tell me until I started asking about it today. I'm angry. I'm panicked about money. I'm all sorts of things and the first thing I did was run to the chocolate.

I'm sure this a story many people know well. Bad thing A happens. Emotions B through W happen. Food is liberally applied until you're no longer worried about thing A because you feel guilty and gross.

I'm just done. Let's get real, ya'll. Life happens. My gut reaction is going to always be to go for candy or ice cream. That's how I've been dealing with all sorts of terrible things since I was eight or so. No one should be surprised, least of all me, that I am going to seek food for comfort automatically. I know it isn't healthy. I know it's not the right thing to do. What's worse? My first thought was "god, I can't track all those reese's on Spark. What will people think?"

Screw that. Seriously. If I'm going to do this I'm going to do it with honesty and integrity.

I'm back because I need to get on track with my eating, especially with winter fast approaching. I can list all the reasons why I want to do this, why I need to do this, but at the root they don't matter. What matters is that I'm here and that I'm not going to sugar coat any bit of this. Some days are going to suck. Some days I'm going to do zumba and eat all my veggies and feel like a thousand bucks. At least I can promise is that when you're here you're getting the real me. Deal? Deal.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I love this first blog back. I am going to join you on this darling. !!!!

    Lets track those f*cking reese's cups together, because every single thing we ingest that we wouldn't want other people to see or know has significance and meanin for us, dare I say, its special SOMEHOW because someTIME it was our lifesupport so i think its actual importance needs to be recognized the depth to be able to move on... but now im babbling...

    gonna go make sure my trackers are public!

    1954 days ago
    It sounds like you have a handle on what you need to do and a realistic outlook on how hard it can be at times, so you should have great success in your venture. Stick to your plan and you will succeed. It's hard to change the emotional eating behaviors we have developed over the years, but it absolutely can be done. I wish you all the best luck on your journey! emoticon
    1954 days ago

    Comment edited on: 9/18/2014 3:02:20 PM
    I can 100% relate!Keep focused & stay positive - best of luck!
    1955 days ago
    "Always Do Your Best. Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret."
    ~ Miguel Angel Ruiz ~
    1956 days ago
  • JIBBIE49
    emoticon I'm so thrilled you have a job, since I read blog after blog after blog by Sparkers saying "Oh, I lost my job" or "Oh, I haven't worked in months because I can't find a job." Wonderful that you have a JOB. Means you will be getting a paycheck. I've been a Sparker for 7 years next month so I've read hundreds of blogs.
    What can I say about "running to the chocolate." No different than the person who has to leave work and run to the bar for a few shots of whiskey, just the "drug of chose" to deal with the issue. Chocolate and the sugar in it acts just like cocaine, so says Robert Lustig M.D. Do watch the documentary "FED UP". Or his documentary on YouTube "Sugar: the Bitter truth." To relieve stress, I'd stay to try Yoga. Rodney Yee has wonderful DVDs and clips on YouTube.
    Love yourself.
    1956 days ago
    emoticon Keep focused for success.
    1956 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

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