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Self Destruct

Saturday, September 06, 2014

I have a daughter that I love. She is on a journey to completely self destruct and it is painful to see. She is back in the hospital again, resulting from her self destructing habit. She was there a little over a month ago and nearly died. I thought surely this is the rock bottom that will change her. Nope she went back to self destructive behavior and has again ended up in hospital. It nearly killed her again. When sitting with her and listening I know that things will not change for her. It brings a tremendous amount of sadness to my heart for her. We have been on this journey with her since 2008. I realize she will not make it to see 50. I have struggled with not letting her destructive behavior throw me into a whirlwind of depression. We are raising her two boys and we have worked hard to keep them healthy and happy. Life is an interesting journey.
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    I'm so sorry
    1871 days ago
    emoticon Oh Sherry, You have done so beautiful raising those two boys! I too have watched two members of my family go threw so much in their life's. One was my brother who was dependent on pain meds and lost his battle in the beginning of this year. We tried to help him, but he wanted to live his life his way, but we loved him and watched over him til he took his last breath. The other was my daughter, who had a few close calls in the ER, but she chose herself to get help for her Eating Disorder, and now will be celebrating a year of recovery with the Retreat that she went too! She works every day to not go back to the way it was. I will pray for your daughter daily and my thoughts are with you and your family. You are an awesome mom because I totally see the unconditional love that is in your heart. Tons of Hugs to you.
    1872 days ago

    Comment edited on: 9/7/2014 12:20:03 AM
    Oh, Sherry, if I could, I would give you a big hug. You have done an amazing job with those boys. They seem well, and have under your and your husband's care thrived and grown into beautiful boys. You have done more than should be expected, but she is still your child and you care and hope that she will get better. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your dh.
    (((Hugs))), Marlis
    1872 days ago
  • CAROL_31649731
    Praying for you . . . so sorry you're having to go through this. Try to stay strong and healthy, though. You deserve that for yourself (and those 2 beautiful boys). emoticon emoticon
    1872 days ago
    HI !! I hope my answer will help give you some encouragement.

    For 20 yrs, I was caught up in a vicious circle of pure #ell. in that I kept on trying to kill myself, the depression, with very negative voices I heard, and urged me on "U are NOT worth anything "DO IT NOW" !! I was also a deep cutter. That took A LOT to stop ! Was also an alcholic, prescription abuser. My Mom had died, but it sure put my Dad thru the worse time in his life, all of fam it did, but I kept thinking "They will be better off without me". I could NOT understand anything words others gave me of love. It was helpless in my life.

    Than I had ECT,,, I do NOT recommend this, but it did show me, for about 24 hrs, a great day. That was enough to get MAD and felt I was entitledm to more. I heard from a friend in TX (I live in Maine) about an MAOI. It was a huge fight with my Dr to be put on it. If you eat the wrong food, all kinds of "normal" things, you will have a stroke or heart attack. Since I was suicidal at the time, my Dr did NOT me on it, but I wrote a letter,,,,, he did also, I signed them agreeing i would NOT do that.

    In 3 days I INSTANTLY felt ALL was OK. It was. in just 3 days, I felt life was great again. I realize I am very fortunate, but I also still had to continue with therapist working on everything I had been thru. It took me 20 yrs in all.

    I do not cut any more ( it makes me sad to my deepest part of my heart,,, my GD now does),,, I am happy,, satisfied ,,,, all is good.

    So plz do stick in with D. I wouldn't "coddle" her, set up some boundries for YOURSELF. Otherwise, you can become to involved (yeah, not easy),,,

    Wishing the best for you all. MANY HUGS !
    1872 days ago
  • VELVET_01
    Im so sorry you are having to go through this. I have a sister who lives the same way and has also nearly died a couple of times. My mom passed the end of last year but when she was with us it broke her heart to see it. She managed somehow to keep it in God's hands and found her peace in that. It's so wonderful you have the boys with you, I wish you all abundant happiness and love.

    emoticon emoticon
    1872 days ago
    We give birth to our children, we raise them in such a way that we hope they grow up to be decent adults. As mothers we hope/pray for things like just keep my children out of jail, keep them off drugs and don't let them be alcoholics. We pray they graduate school and go to college or at least make something out of there lives that they can afford to live with. However the cold hard truth is that is it, we hope, we pray, we even cry and beg at times but once they are adults the rest is up to them. Sometimes they ask for our opinions and sometimes we give it even if they don't ask, but in the end the choices are there own. Doesn't mean these choices wont effect us because they what ever the decision, good or bad, right or wrong we still care, we still love them and usually we are still there to pick up the pieces. Make sure your daughter knows that even though you don't agree with what she is doing and that even though your heart is breaking for her your still there, you still love her and whether she wants you there or not your still there if when she needs you. Then go home and hug those boys and try to do the best with them that tried with her. I have many children. I am raising 5 right now, 4 by birth and then one we got when he was almost 17. We also have a 25 year old who is like our daughter living here right now because sometimes things don't work out no matter how hard they try. I have cried a lot! I have laughed a lot! I know that I will continue to do both through out the rest of my life and all I can do is like you hope for the best and somehow it all works out.

    sorry so long emoticon
    1872 days ago

    Comment edited on: 9/6/2014 8:07:33 PM
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