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Couldn't Find My Earlier Blog

Saturday, September 06, 2014

Seven or eight months ago, I wrote asking how you knew that it was time to give up on a friendship. When I went back today to look for it, I remembered that I felt so guilty about writing it in the first place that I deleted it. I read the replies first, though, and most of you agreed that sometimes we outgrow a friendship.

Well today I'm writing to say that I'm cautiously optimistic that a friendship that has deteriorated over the years can be revived.

Yesterday I took the bus to Toronto to have lunch with a woman I first met in 1978 when my family moved from Nova Scotia to south-western Ontario for my then-husband's job transfer. She and her husband were new to town too, and we met at a newcomers' club meeting and hit it off right away. We each had 3 children about the same age, and we lived in the same section of town.

We were close over the years, through good times and bad. We saw each other through divorces and shared in the excitement of new boyfriends, new houses, new jobs and new cities. We even shared a house in Toronto for a year while we were both looking for places to buy.

But over the years, things changed, and I sensed a nasty competitiveness coming into our conversations. We saw each other less and less often. It didn't help that we didn't really enjoy spending time with each other's new husbands. Things dwindled down until we were getting together maybe once a year and calling each other, if we remembered, on birthdays.

Then, while Peter and I were away this summer, her husband died following cancer surgery. I got an email while we were away, and wrote back right away. I should have called as soon as we got home, but didn't. We played telephone tag for a while, and met yesterday for a long walk and lunch.

It went well. She needed to talk, and I'm a good listener. We both enjoyed the time we spent together, and I know we will do it again. I'm not sure we can get back what we once had, but am willing to give it a shot. We'll see where it goes.

Thanks for reading,
Gail


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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • ALIHIKES
    Interesting blog. I do agree that sometimes we HAVE to turn away from friendships, even though it can be painful to do so. But your blog also reminds us that people can grow and change into better people. Even as we struggle to become more tolerant/kind/forgiving -- we have to recognize that our friends and acquaintances may do the same. I hope she has changed!
    Hugs from
    Alison

    2437 days ago
  • MADAMES
    I am glad you were able to reconnect! I'm afraid that I have lost touch with many friends as I have become more focused on the needs of my parents and my husband these past several years. There is something very special about a friendship between women! Good for you!

    Evelyn

    2441 days ago
  • HICKOK-HALEY
    Your right, it may not ever be the same, but that is ok. I guess it is one of those situations of "take a day at a time". I have a friend I stepped back from due to the same reasons. I like healthy competition, but not when it comes to a point that the person is so willing to lie and cheat just to "out shine" me or anyone else. I guess I just do not understand that type of personality. I guess the only thing I can say for you is, be there if she needs to talk, and see how it goes. emoticon
    2443 days ago
  • PATRICIAANN46
    Hi Gail........
    You are such a good person and I am sure that it helps her through this very tough time to be able to confide in you. Time will tell whether the friendship returns to what it was, but if it doesn't maybe at this stage in both of your lives, it will turn into something different and exactly what both of you need.
    emoticon
    2443 days ago
  • MEADSBAY
    Well, life does throw some curveballs at us at times, doesn't it?
    I'm glad you are still able to be with her through her difficult time.
    Don't be surprised if she turns away as she may become jealous of your living hubby and happy marriage.
    emoticon
    2443 days ago
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