Couldn't Find My Earlier Blog
Saturday, September 06, 2014
Seven or eight months ago, I wrote asking how you knew that it was time to give up on a friendship. When I went back today to look for it, I remembered that I felt so guilty about writing it in the first place that I deleted it. I read the replies first, though, and most of you agreed that sometimes we outgrow a friendship.
Well today I'm writing to say that I'm cautiously optimistic that a friendship that has deteriorated over the years can be revived.
Yesterday I took the bus to Toronto to have lunch with a woman I first met in 1978 when my family moved from Nova Scotia to south-western Ontario for my then-husband's job transfer. She and her husband were new to town too, and we met at a newcomers' club meeting and hit it off right away. We each had 3 children about the same age, and we lived in the same section of town.
We were close over the years, through good times and bad. We saw each other through divorces and shared in the excitement of new boyfriends, new houses, new jobs and new cities. We even shared a house in Toronto for a year while we were both looking for places to buy.
But over the years, things changed, and I sensed a nasty competitiveness coming into our conversations. We saw each other less and less often. It didn't help that we didn't really enjoy spending time with each other's new husbands. Things dwindled down until we were getting together maybe once a year and calling each other, if we remembered, on birthdays.
Then, while Peter and I were away this summer, her husband died following cancer surgery. I got an email while we were away, and wrote back right away. I should have called as soon as we got home, but didn't. We played telephone tag for a while, and met yesterday for a long walk and lunch.
It went well. She needed to talk, and I'm a good listener. We both enjoyed the time we spent together, and I know we will do it again. I'm not sure we can get back what we once had, but am willing to give it a shot. We'll see where it goes.
Thanks for reading,