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How Do I Be Happy and Cheerful When I'm Not??

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

As the title says, first I'll apologize for the fact that I'm not happy and cheerful, though I am home from the hospital (at least for now as long as I can control my continued dizziness). The baby didn't make it and I ended up having a D & C to stop my continued bleeding. And I'm tired of people asking how I'm doing or how I'm feeling. I know most everyone is trying to be supportive, but I'm not up to giving a standard "fine" or "okay". Does that make me a bad person? I'm trying to tell people that that isn't a good question to ask me right now. If the person doesn't accept the answer, does it make me mean to actually tell how I'm feeling?

My aunt did not know I was expecting because she can't handle my current children and I knew what she would say. I had to tell her when I was in the hospital because she is one of my emergency contacts. Here's what she said: Oh, I didn't think you were going to have another baby. (insert my response about accident) I thought J was going to take care of that. If he isn't going to, maybe you should have it taken care of while you're there.

Today, she asked me how I was doing. I tried to tell her I was tired of people asking me that and that I couldn't answer that with a happy and positive answer. She didn't accept my answer and pressed me to answer the question.

So, how am I? I'm angry. I'm angry that no one did anything to try to stop the miscarriage. I'm angry that I'm being given platitudes about how "these things happen" rather than answers to WHY it happened. I'm angry that I was sent home to (insert graphic details here). I'm hurt, angry, sick, and sad.

I know I hurt my aunt by giving her the unvarnished truth, but I don't know how to be happy and cheerful when I'm not. How do I do that? How do I "move on" when I feel how I feel?

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • no profile photo CD1268086
    emoticon
    So sorry for your loss.
    2490 days ago
  • STILLMENEWBODY
    My heart goes out to you. It is clear you are angry, hurting, wanting. FEEL it all and to heck with all the questions and concerns right now. There is no need to pretend, you need to live through the pain. You need to heal and it is going to take time. Pretending is one of our worse offences. Sorry, it is true. Put on a happy face.....are you KIDDING ME...you lost a child, I lost a child, there is NO HAPPY FACE RIGHT NOW! Although I believe it is not healthy for us to dwell on things I do believe we have to come to terms with things, and it takes time. Right now...what you need sweet lady, is time. Take care of you! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2490 days ago
  • GRACIEC
    I'm so sorry! You're in my prayers! emoticon
    2492 days ago
  • HDHAWK
    You have to grieve the baby you were planning to have. The minute you know you're pregnant you start imagining your future with the baby. You have a reason to be sad, but not everyone understands that. emoticon
    2492 days ago
  • MITIME4ME
    I'm very sorry for you loss. You're hurt and grieving. It's not mean to want your space from busybodies--even well intentioned busybodies--while you come to terms with the situation.
    2492 days ago
  • SUSANELAINE1956
    So sorry for your loss. Have you talked to your doctor? Maybe he could give you something to help out temporarily. How about having someone (friend, relative) talk to people and ask them to give you some time? So sorry for your loss.
    2492 days ago
  • LOPEYP
    Sorry for your loss. emoticon
    2492 days ago
  • GEORGE815
    Hope your feeling better.
    2492 days ago
  • USMAWIFE
    emoticon I have been where you are.. really hard. saying a prayer for you.
    2492 days ago
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