Tuesday, August 12, 2014
I find myself sitting here watching GD2 jumping in her jumperoo while GS is napping upstairs. GD1 will be here in a couple of weeks. I should be jumping over the moon for joy. I retired and one reason was to be able to take care of them and I am not missing teaching at all.
So, why am I sitting here with tears in my eyes while not liking myself at all. I don't like the way I look. I don't like my blood sugar numbers. I don't know how to eat, what to eat, how to exercise, what is wrong with me only hat I don't like me any more. When I look in the mirror, I don't see me - I see my sister that I don't get along with, the sister who hurt my father time and time again. I am eating at night because of emotions not because I am hungry.
I know that I am tired of being overweight and I am tired of trying to lose weight that never seems to go anywhere. I feel safe writing this here because Sparksville is a safe place for feelings.
Where do I start? What do I do? Why do I feel this way? Mentally, I know the answers to the first 2 questions, but not the last. So if I know that I must cut down on what I eat and when I eat, then why can't I do this? What is going on with me?
I ask for help and support. Any advice would help me.