250,000-299,999 SparkPoints 268,275


Tuesday, August 12, 2014

I find myself sitting here watching GD2 jumping in her jumperoo while GS is napping upstairs. GD1 will be here in a couple of weeks. I should be jumping over the moon for joy. I retired and one reason was to be able to take care of them and I am not missing teaching at all.
So, why am I sitting here with tears in my eyes while not liking myself at all. I don't like the way I look. I don't like my blood sugar numbers. I don't know how to eat, what to eat, how to exercise, what is wrong with me only hat I don't like me any more. When I look in the mirror, I don't see me - I see my sister that I don't get along with, the sister who hurt my father time and time again. I am eating at night because of emotions not because I am hungry.
I know that I am tired of being overweight and I am tired of trying to lose weight that never seems to go anywhere. I feel safe writing this here because Sparksville is a safe place for feelings.
Where do I start? What do I do? Why do I feel this way? Mentally, I know the answers to the first 2 questions, but not the last. So if I know that I must cut down on what I eat and when I eat, then why can't I do this? What is going on with me?
I ask for help and support. Any advice would help me.
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Joy - I think your comment on my blog may be what is going on. Yes I take care of GD2 every day and GS two days a week. And I listen to my DD vent about all the long days at school. I thought I was not having trouble adjusting to my new life style, but what you said made sense to me. While I do not miss the paperwork, the meetings, the constant schedule changing, I do miss the interaction with my peers. I think I may need time to grieve the loss of the old me and work on the new me.
    1680 days ago
    Lots of good diet advice here; but I do think you already know that. Ditto exercise. Are you watching the Grands full time? Because as one Grandmother to another, what I'm hearing is just plain tired with little time to put that person in the mirror first. I love being a grandma but it does tire me more than being a Mom did; other than I usually had the nights off. It does take time and energy to take care of ourselves; when we are tired we're less likely to make healthy choices.
    Another thought, after retiring, for several years I still felt the school starting stress at this time of year. Not the kids, all the other stuff! Takes awhile for our feelings to catch up with our new reality. I hope this passes and things are looking brighter soon. If you need time for yourself; you have to make that known.
    emoticon emoticon
    1680 days ago
    I don't have diabetes so I can't relate to that problem but I can sure identify with everything else in your blog! I see you have gotten some good advice and especially like the idea of taking your Grands to the farmer's market or veggie stand, they probably would probably love picking them out. That is all but the newest little one!!!

    You can do this and I'm with you on it too as I've got plenty to lose!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1681 days ago
    I don't buy anything that comes in a box anymore, I also have cut back on starchy foods. Sugar I'm dealing with now and not liking the way I look after gaining back 7 pds that I had lost before mind you I have at least 70 + lbs to lose. I think the advice of taking the grands to the farmers market or even the produce dept. Is a good idea. Keep us posted on your progress and I will post regarding mine. emoticon emoticon
    1681 days ago
    Here's another perspective - and a purely practical, scientific one. If your blood sugar numbers are bad, you eat too much sugar and starch, plain and simple. They are addicting, and you'll never get control by just trying to lower them a little bit. The way to break addiction is to BREAK it. A clean break.

    Clean your pantry. Get rid of everything that isn't fresh whole food. If it comes in a box it is probably making you fat and sick.

    Take your little ones to a farmers market or the grocery store and teach them what all those beautiful veggies and berries and nuts and fruits are and how good they taste!

    Look at that wise woman in your mirror. How many children looked up at her over the years with love and respect? Now. you go and give her some of that too!

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1681 days ago
    Ok. You need a little tunnel vision, here, sweetie. Please don't look in the mirror and see somebody else, much less someone you don't get along with. You are a sweet, beautiful woman. I can identify with you not liking the way you look. I don't either, esp., after I'd gotten down to a much better place then allowed myself to put 20 back on! Not a pretty or happy sight! But ............use that to get in gear. Fight to get the look you want! It won't just happen. As you well know, it's hard work! But so is having to buy bigger clothes and dealing with problems assoc. with your blood sugar numbers. Do NOT cave! I totally understand how you feel and I also totally know you can climb back out of that dark place and hit the ground running!
    (((HUGS))) We can do this together! (((HUGS))) Call on me anytime if you like. (((HUGS)))
    1681 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.