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End of the Road & Back Again

Thursday, August 07, 2014

This year has not been my best year and it probably all started back in let me start there...

February i felt on top of the world! I was consistently running (mind you I only started running towards the end of November 2013), the scale was showing a great low number (246lbs) and my body was slimming down. I felt great and looked great!

Sometime towards the end of February I tweaked my knees...BOTH knees. I still ran a bit but mainly went back to walking. I had a 10k on February 22nd and my goal was to complete it under 90 minutes. Because my knees were hurting pretty badly i walked more of that race than i wished. I actually finished the race in 93 minutes...I was so terribly disappointed in myself taht i cried when i was done. I missed my goal by three lousy minutes!

This started my downfall...

I allowed that disappointment to control me. But i didn't realize it for another few months.

In March I had my first half marathon for this year - my 5th overall. I had taken time off from running to allow my knees to feel better. I still ran a bit of the half but not much. I did have my best time for a half at 3hrs and 36mins but my goal for 2014 was to complete a half in under 3hrs and 15mins. The disappointment and loss of personal records was taking it's toll on me.

In April, just 2 weeks after the half, i had my next 10k. I felt fantastic! I ran/walked the entire course but i had decided not to go balls to the wall so to speak. I just went at a pace taht i knew i could sustain. I finished in 96 minutes but i had ran/walked the ENTIRE course.

But the realization that I was not going to meet my time goals this year was naging me in the quiet depths of my thoughts. Now we all know those voices aren't quiet...

Then May breaking point. The point where i said "eff" it i'm done!

To this day I have not relayed what happened to was a story kept bwtween two friends that went to complete another half marathon together. So here it goes...

May 3rd was the Biggest Loser Half Marathon in Beaumont, TX. We drove down to partake in the expo, meet some of the past contestants and then eventually rested for the half marathon itself. I felt good. My legs were loose. I was ready.

We got up bright and early to make it over to the start of the half. The air was already thick with humidity and it was in the high 80's already by 6:30am. Since Beaumont is along the ocean i knew the air was going to be thicker and therefore it was going to be a bit harder to breathe.

The first nine miles we ran and walked and we were doing about a 16 minute mile pace. PERFECT! I knew i wasn't going to make my goal time but i was on the road to beating my best time to date.

Then things went bad pretty fast from there.

Somewhere around mile 10 i started slowing down...i mean really slowing down. I found it hard to take in a breath. I had to actually stop a few time between mile 10 and 12 to just try to gulp in a deep enough breathe. My breathing was rather shallow and that sun was beating on us something fierce. I should also mention that the final 2 miles had some pretty good hills and very little shade. I need to also mention taht there were NO medics along the route. There were a few people taht were laying on the side of the route trying to catch their breath with no one helping them. I was getting angry by the minute at this point.

Here was my thought...this is a freaking half marathon. On top of that this was the Biggest Loser Half Marathon. They wanted people that were over weight and out of shape to go for it. BUT THEY FAILED TO MAKE IT SAFE FOR ANYONE. They had volunteers but they were just standing around or were only at the water stations (about every 3 miles). There were people passing out and no one was there to help them.

I would have stopped at mile 11 but since there was no help in sight i just kept on walking. At mile 13 there were FINALLY medics and police officers but by them i just need a few more feet to call it a day. This was by far the worst event i had ever done. Take my time and me out of the equation and it was still a terrible event. They placed way too many people in harms way by not having it properly orchestrated.

After the half i grabbed a few bottles of water and some clementines and sat in the shade for about 30 minutes. I needed to cool off as my body was tremendously over heated and i was starting to shake.

I've never quit a race before and the fact that i so badly want to just stop 2 miles out from the finish should be an indication as to just how bad this event was for all of us. This was my tipping point. I was done.

A few weeks later i had my next 10k. It was the Disco Run 10k and i finished in 1hr and 41mins. I struggled during this race because i hadn't kept up my training. I was still out there walking but at a leisurely pace not at a race pace.

In June i had the Must-Dash 5k and completely walked it. I was miserable.

Towards the end of June and the first two weeks of July I went home to Chicago to visit family. When i got back i weight myself...i was 283.4lbs. OUCH!

I've never stopped moving throughout these months but my eating...well i was eating my disapointments and the scale was the convincing evidence. I don't even want to know what the scale would have shown had i stopped walking during all of these months.

I didn't want to live my old life style. So i made a plan and started working towards reaching my goals. The first two weeks on any new plan is difficult. It was a bunch of ups and downs both nutritionally and emotionally.

I had my first 15k two days after i returned home. I was not ready for it so i dropped back to the 5k. I barely ran any of it. I was feeling every pound i had packed back on my body. I finished in just over 52 minutes.

August 1st i weighed in at 279.8lbs. This morning i weighed in at 276.2lbs.

I registered for my races at the end of 213 and beginning of 2014. Here's what's still on the agenda for the year:
8/30 Pink Soles in Motion 5k
9/21 Plano Hot Balloon Half Marathon
9/27 Race for the Cure 5k
10/25 Moster Dash Half Marathon
11/27 Thanksgiving Day Run 5k

I know u'll do at least 2 5k's in December i just haven't decided which ones yet. I've also registered for a few races in 2015 already as well.

So it took me a few months to gather myself up and get out of the funk and downward spiral. I'm currently in training for my next half marathon in September and i'm taking it one day at a time. I will do my best and i will be happy with knowing i did just that.

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    1794 days ago
    Wow, I think it's really courageous that you do these races! I'm scared to go to one, myself. My health is kind of unpredictable, so it might just be a waste of money if I signed up. Anyway, have fun at the races! Remember that even if you walk, it's still a fitness event and you're getting a good workout! Good for you!!!!
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    2316 days ago
    Are you going to try another Biggest Loser marathon? I think it's something you could use for know you can do this. You just have to work for it! emoticon
    2448 days ago
    Oh my goodness! YOU ARE AMAZING! And here is the thing...I ran cross country in high school...even went to states! This was when I used to think I was fat?!?! I cannot even begin to imagine running with my knees the way they feel now...and my weight...but you give me great hope and inspiration! I read your blog this morning and I actually feel like WHEN I get healthier...maybe next summer I will sign up for a run! (I used to place in my age group at this race back in high school) Running again was something I would NEVER have imagined doing again...without your blog...and I might even be competitive!

    I totally understand being derailed by all that happened and how you were feeling...but please TRY to look at this from a different angle...embrace the fact that YOU ROCK! I hope you can see what an inspiration you are to me...and others!

    ps...I am so sorry for your experience at that race...have you contacted Biggest Loser? That is a major marketing snafu!
    2456 days ago
    I felt the same way about the Biggest Loser Half here in Austin. NO MEDICS! NOBODY between water stations. You could have literally died out there and not a single staff person would know. I won't EVER do another one of those events.
    You will get things back. You can do it!!!
    2465 days ago
  • MUDGE4
    Hi Vicky- I had no idea that you were struggling like this! You accomplished so much and it's especially ironic to me because you were the one who inspired me to do my first half marathon. Hearing about you doing all these races made me want to do one too.
    Thank you for posting your story. It makes me realize 2 things-
    1. You are too hard on yourself. I agree with the first comment, would you have let a friend be disappointed in 3 minutes over her goal time?
    2. We are all just doing the best we can. The support of our friends and teammates is immeasurably important. Most of your pictures are with friends and supporters. I love that. When we can't do it ourselves, let's lean on each other.

    Keep your head up girl! I believe in you!!
    2471 days ago
    Lemme get this straight: you finished a difficult race with shaky knees just 3 minutes over your goal time, and THAT got you off track?!?!! What?!??
    I'm really not getting it. All I can think is that you must have unrealistic goals and impossible standards. Cuz you basically met your goal and then you told yourself that you hadn't.
    Hmmmm.... What would you tell me if I had missed my goal by 3 minutes? Would you scream and tell me I'd never make anything of myself and I should just give up? You don't look like a mean lady. Maybe you would explain in a kind and loving voice that I had actually done my best and had made the goal? Cuz 3 minutes doesn't even count, does it?
    Glad you are back. We definitely missed you here at the team. How about declaring this "Be Nice to Vicky" season? Cuz you deserve better treatment.
    2506 days ago
  • SUGAR0814
    Stay on track! You'll do great! Get your mind back on YOU!! emoticon emoticon
    2508 days ago
    vicky love.come here so i can bash your head against a brickwall love after i have given you a big hug first, may not have got the time you wanted but love,look at the actual time you did get and that being after injury and lack of training.that is awesome love i am so so proud of you.look at how far you have come from when i first knew you were even having trouble walking in the you are running.did i tell you i am so,so proud of you.i am also envious as the dr´s have said now i have this artificial knee i shouldn´t run again as it will put too much stress on the protese, i will have to contend with walking(can´t wait till it is no more painfull and i m off the crutches lol)keep on keeping on love and instead of looking at what you didn´t achieve start looking at all you ACTUALLY ACHIEVED:YOU ROCK LOVE:DROP BY ABD LET US KNOW HOW YOU ARE DOING AND IF I CAN HELP IN ANYWY:MISS BEING ON SAME TEAM AS YOU:TAKKE CARE AND KEEP SMILING emoticon
    2508 days ago
  • NEWSUE45
    I would not be able to do even a half mile so you need to stop beating yourself up and looking at the negative but turn your focus to the positive. You did it. You showed up and completed the races. Who cares if you walked, ran or crawled your way to the finish line - YOU ROCK!!

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2508 days ago
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