It's been 2 months since I decided to try again with myself. It's also been approximately the same amount of time that I have been on my new dose of meds (which honestly has made a world of difference). I want to take a few moments to celebrate what deserves celebrating:
I've lost 13.2 pounds and I feel better.
I've been eating breakfast almost every day.
I've made drinking water a habit again.
I've been pretty consistent with my habits in general.
Overall, I've been making better choices.
What's different about this time, at least so far, is that it's been relatively slow and benign. I haven't gone berserk with the food choices, I haven't gone berserk with the exercise (in fact, I really haven't gotten around to adding that in yet). I have tried to make conscious choices and be in touch with what is really going on before I eat. It's helped.
And so have the meds, as I mentioned. I am fascinated and humbled, but I can finally acknowledge that I have a chemical imbalance that affects my food choices AND it's not my fault. The meds have really helped regulate my hunger in ways I have never experienced in all my life. I am very thankful to be over the skeptic phase and into acceptance that they can help me live a more normal life.
As I start the 3rd month of this new journey, which my therapist says is "a much more appropriate rate of weight loss", I find myself thinking back to this last time and where things were after two months. It was very different... I was counting calories, tracking everything, working out 45 minutes 4-6 days a week, working with personal trainer, staring to run, down 25+ pounds... on a real high from change. Here, you can read for yourself about it here:
Month 1 2010: www.sparkpeople.com/mypa
Month 2 2010: www.sparkpeople.com/mypa
Though I experienced "more" success in a shorter amount of time a couple years ago, we all know it couldn't be sustained. This "not enough, feels slow" momentum that I am using this time is teaching me lessons I didn't anticipate. For instance, I can distinguish when I am actually hungry now and I can tell when I have had enough food. Even at my best and lowest from every time I have attempted this lifestyle change before, I only ever knew famished and overfull.
I am also not on a "fat-free, healthy-only" kick this time. Life needs to be approached with some grace, and I certainly didn't give myself any last time. This time, it's ok that I want to eat out, have a glass of wine and an appetizer. I actually do it quite regularly, but I pay attention. That's it.
There has been so much less hatred towards myself, my body and my choices. I still have my moment, but they are just that, moments. I am working on giving myself mass amounts of credit for working full time and going to grad school over the past 1.5 years (3 more classes, say it with me now!) It's not easy, and I've learned that I can't do it all.
I haven't come up with a goal for August yet outside of losing 5 pounds (which will be my "slow goal" moving forward). And that's ok. I am just going to let things come as they may.
Happy start to August to you my friends.