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Uber-politeness Needs to Go

Monday, July 21, 2014

I have almost decided that I am much too polite. I have struggled with the fact that this may not be a problem, but I am open to the suggestion that perhaps it is.

In struggling with this personality dilemma, I don't know that is is important why I am this way, other than to perhaps discover a way to deal with things that bother me. The reason for this blog is to gather ways to deal with one thing that bothers me greatly.

Do others have family members who say they are going to do something that never follow through? Perhaps this is just a symptom of our culture, but this is something that currently bothers me a lot. For example, I have family members who tell me they are going to come for the day and then do not. For some of them, this has been happening for years, and for others it is just beginning. I do not wish to "guilt" anyone; I dealt with being falsely "guilted" enough as a child and I won't do that with people in my life. Neither do I expect perfection, but some of these family members are batting .000. I think I should be important enough to expect them to do what they say at least once in a while.

So how do others deal with this? Or is this the issue for others that it is in my life?
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Tammy, first off, remind yourself we are all flawed, even though we may wish to not be. Be patient with yourself and your family. I have dealt with this with my brother and best friend so I have made it clear that they need to call before they come over as I may not be home and I just go ahead and enjoy my day, not waiting for them to show up or not. They actually showed up twice when I was not home so I had to remind them that I love to catch up with them but I am also living my life so courtesy is an expectation. It has helped me feel better any way. I am sure you will get lots of advice. Do what feels right to you and I hope you find a way to feel good about it.
    1364 days ago
  • RICKI157
    I am not good at that type of thing so I wish you luck in finding the best way to deal with it. I usually end up doing or saying the wrong thing.
    1365 days ago

    Comment edited on: 7/23/2014 10:57:14 AM
    It doesn't sound like these family members are being very polite to you or treating you like they value you. You can be assertive and still be uber-polite. Just because you are polite does not mean that you have to be a door mat. If the way that they are treating you makes you feel like they do not value you, then it is ok to tell them so. That is not being impolite. That is communicating your feelings. They are the ones that are being impolite by making a commitment and not following through.

    You ARE important. You deserve to spend time with people who treat you like you are important.

    I have been on the door mat side of relationships and I know that it does not feel good to keep all of those feelings in, nor is it healthy.

    Take time to take care of yourself and do things that you enjoy doing.

    1367 days ago
    Keep your uber-politeness!! Others are the "problem". Lead by example is what I was always taught. Maybe it will "rub" off on them at some point. You can only hope.
    1367 days ago
    Don't let go of your uber-politeness, the world needs all the good people it can spare. As to the family issues, it's not just you. Unfortunately, it's the culture and time we're living in. Many people have fallen into not sticking with their word and commitments. My pet peeve in this technological age is very few people answer their phones anymore. The best we can do is focus on keeping our own standards and not fall into the bad habits of others. I try to focus on the people and things which make me happy because there will always be disappointments in life. Families are not perfect, but we still love them.

    Thanks for your blog topic, it made me think!

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1367 days ago
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