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To Boot Camp or not to Boot Camp...

Friday, July 18, 2014

that was the question. I previously blogged about swearing off Boot Camps because I honestly feel I had basically aged out of them. Then, my best friend, who is stubborn and disagreed with my assessment, bought me a punch card so I could work out with her. I thought about giving it back to her, for her to use, but agreed to just "try it out". I am happy I did. It is not actually a boot camp, first of all. It is more circuit training/strength training. It lasts 45 minutes which is so much more sensible than an hour. The instructor is a woman I know and like who has a great sense of humor (and appreciates mine, which is always fun) and she is just as likely to say "don't do that if it hurts" as she is to say "challenge yourself". I am careful to let my brain and my joints choose the weight of the kettlebells I use, rather than my ego. It does not matter if the person next to me is using heavier weights, I am working out MY body, not theirs. I absolutely need strength training and I have proven time and time again that I won't do it at home, on my own. I like being told what to do, and being in a place dedicated to that specific activity, and being surrounded by others (but not too many others, which is the reason I switched workout places - too crowded plus too little available equipment makes for a grumpy workout for me). I am only averaging about twice a week, which is fine with me because my focus is on getting ready to do another Grouse Grind mountain climb next month. I did it last year, and it was SO HARD yet I am ready to tackle it again. It is 3000 stairs up a smallish mountain and, unless one is part mountain goat and I decidedly am NOT, it is grueling. So, in the hopes of bettering my time and feeling more equal to the task this year, I have been focusing on meeting up with various friends to walk big, steep hills and to climb staircases multiple times. I already feel stronger and more capable, in terms of the cardio challenge. But, the reality is, I still carry a lot of excess weight. It is stubbornly staying put and I am working on not being too frustrated about that. I set aside the silliness of eating pizza, and eating ice cream, and eating after 7 at night, and some other foolish food behaviors, but that does not mean the weight is coming off. I feel stronger, and I also feel frustrated and fat, and I am truly sick of being fat. But, this is my reality. I refuse to let my excess weight keep me from doing things I want to do - working out with friends, and tackling challenges like Grouse Mountain with them, are some of the things I want to do. Despite my weight, my heart rate and cholesterol level and some other health markers are good, so I trudge on. Lots of good bonding, and laughing, and getting stronger, and feeling very alive and connected, happens while sweating it out with friends.

Next week, an old friend (dating back to childhood, especially teenagerhood), is coming to visit me. She lives in Hawaii. I have not seen her in person for years, we mostly stay in touch via Facebook these days. This is the friend who, when I saw her years ago after having not seen her since I was a slender twentysomething, told me "I would rather be dead than fat". She smoked heavily so I thought to myself "you may just get your wish, doll". Okay, so am I nervous about seeing her again, in my present state of fatness? No, not really. Her being uncomfortable about ME being fat is definitely in the "her problem" category. I have enough discomfort to deal with being fat, I am certainly not taking on somebody else's discomfort with it. I am a good woman who lives a decent life and I am, quite frankly, lovable, just as I am. If she wants to light up a cigarette, am I going to lecture and judge her? Nope, I will sit outside next to her as she puffs away. We all have our struggles - some are more visible to the outside world than others. She and I are also on opposite sides, politically. That hasn't killed our connection either. We have a strong thread of affection and appreciation that transcends the other stuff. We make each other laugh and we are interested in each others stories and lives. That's enough to make me set the other stuff aside and look forward to a good visit. Can I just point out to you that the fact that I am feeling stronger and healthier due to all the good exercise I have been getting, after a period where I had dialed it back, is making me much more comfortable in my own chubby skin. Confidence is always a good look emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    All right, Cannie! It sounds to me like you are in a sweet spot for you and that is great. Good to read an update. I have been more absent here than present...not sure where that will go...sometimes I Think Too Much about this stuff and I'm trying to let go of that.
    emoticon Your boot camp sounds good. emoticon
    1361 days ago
    "Confidence is always a good look." Wise words from a wise woman. I'm going to try to remember that. I saw a woman at a restaurant the other day who looked to be around 350 lbs and I couldn't stop staring at her. Not because of her weight, really, but because she was strikingly beautiful. She didn't look flabby fat, just BIG. Big, muscular, tan legs in short shorts, long blond hair, cute top, fabulous cute little sandals. And I'm thinking, "Why didn't I dress like that when I was that big?" "Why don't I now???" I want to be fabulous like that, but then I start getting ready with a toddler barging into the bathroom and I remember why I don't care that much. ha!! It was just that she looked so comfortable in her own skin. Owned it. I still don't own my size. I want to comfortable with myself... to be ok with being looked at, to be ok with myself completely. I'm still working on that. It sounds like you're there. I think that maybe it comes with age. I feel much better now than I did when I was 20 (I'm 30). Hmmm... anyway...

    (Sorry that was a crazy sidenote)

    Good for you for circuit training and step climbing and weight lifting and being an all-around inspiration to all of us. I want to be like you when I grow up.
    1362 days ago

    Comment edited on: 7/28/2014 5:56:38 PM
    Good Luck on your Grouse Grind!! That sounds super hard.
    1369 days ago
    You have a great attitude about a lot of things. And I am with you about the ST...I am BAD about doing it on my own. Maybe I should do a boot camp! But it would have to be the right one.
    1370 days ago
    I always go through a series of feelings before meeting up with people I haven't seen in a while. I had to realize it's me, only me, who truly cares. I mean others may make assessments / judgements by just looking at us (me) but they don't really care once they walk away. I actually go through this every single year as I take my son to surf camp. I think about all the counselors who see me 1x/year and what they must be thinking (why is she getting so FAT?!). But in reality, even if they do think that, it's a passing thought, and in the end it doesn't matter.

    It does matter how I feel about myself going into these things, though, and I, too, am striving to see where I have made progress in the last years because my physical appearance isn't all I've had going on in my life! I've done some awesome things around here. And I'm sure you can say the same thing. So your appearance doesn't tell the whole tale of the years in between seeing her last. So...she'll see what she sees, and you'll know what you know. Know that you've done great stuff! (and I'll focus on remembering the same as I head off to surf camp next week).
    1371 days ago
    1371 days ago
    Of course, another great blog! I love the line "It does not matter if the person next to me is using heavier weights, I am working out MY body, not theirs", I will carry it with me! Not just weight work, but I have hurt myself more than once trying to do something the same as someone else, when i clearly didn't have the capability!

    You are very lucky to have good workout friends!

    1371 days ago
    Love what was said . . . "Confidence is always a good look!" UH HUH!! And you're approaching things with the right attitude that your friend's issues are HERS and you don't need to make them yours. Good for you!!!!

    LOL -- had to laugh -- you mean you're NOT part mountain goat? I remember when I lived in Colorado, I would just look @ those goats and think to myself, "Wow! I would need to come back in some other lifetime to be a mountain goat, because no way do I have the balance in this lifetime!"

    Good luck in your focus on the training. You can do it for sure.

    1371 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1371 days ago
    Sounds all good to me!! Especially appreciate the reminder that I'm working out MY body and not any of the ones next to or around me at the gym: they're all someone else's problem!!
    1371 days ago
    Yeah for you! I love that you're working out with friends again. I really miss that aspect of bootcamp. But not enough to drag my body out into the summer heat. I think it's fantastic that you're going to climb that mountain again. You are unstoppable.
    emoticon emoticon
    1371 days ago
    I love that! "Confidence is always a good look"! Excellent!
    1372 days ago
    THANK YOU, for this!

    1372 days ago
    ok first of all, good for you. second of all...FIND ME ON FACEBOOK!! (janis briggs munroe). that seriously needs to happen
    1372 days ago
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