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My own worst enemy

Wednesday, July 09, 2014

I spend a lot of time thinking...and not acting. During my commute, I spend my time in my car thinking about all the great things I'm going to do, and then I don't. Every night before bed, I set out my workout clothes and plan to get up...and I don't. I look in the mirror in the morning and think about how puffy my face is and how unflattering my haircut is now...and do nothing. I see myself in a picture and get depressed...and still do nothing.

I just don't seem to know how to get past the negative and focus on the positive. I don't know how to make those thoughts change into positive actions. I don't know how to love myself for what I am now...and in doing so, take care of myself.

I'm writing this now just in hopes of getting the thoughts out and in the open. I worry about myself. I worry about diabetes. I've been diagnosed as prediabetic and still do nothing. I'm certain I'm diabetic now...but am afraid to find out. And I do nothing.

So, here I am...returning to Spark. Trying to find my Spark. The one that is inside of me...dim...but there. I want to get past this. I want to be healthy. I want to be a success story! I just don't know how to get there.

Today, I'm going to take 1 small step. I'll restart the Spark program. I have to do this...for me...for my sanity...for my health...for my kids...for my family...for my husband.

I'm here. I'm present. I'm looking for my spark.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Good for you for TAKING a step on your healthy lifestyle journey! I remind myself often that EVERY small step I take in the right direction brings me closer to my goals. I had to focus on very small things (Yes, I CAN eat 2 servings of vegetables today! Yes, I CAN exercise 5 minutes more than I did last week!) in order to have success. In the end those small steps add up and result in pounds lost. From your photos it looks like you have some EXCELLENT reasons to want to be around a long time to enjoy your life. Tomorrow take another small step. It doesn't matter how fast you're going. What matters is that you're going in the right direction.
    1595 days ago
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