Will I Allow Myself To Be Healthy?

Thursday, July 03, 2014

Isn't it interesting how easy it is to do for others, but doing things for yourself can be so hard? Not just hard, but painful. I seem to intentionally find people and situations that consume me, leaving little of me left for, well...Me!

I'm feeling so unhappy with myself, not only in the way I look and feel, but in the way I approach my life. People seem to really like me, but I can't seem to see it. I am constantly trying to make people like me. Making personal sacrifices that end up harming me in order to garner favor.

I am 51 years old for cripes sake, and it's time for me to grow up. To take some of the sage advice that I seem so easily able to dole out to others. Learn to take care of me. No, that's not it. I'm good at nurturing, and caring, but I need to do it for myself. I need to allow me to be healthy and happy.

This has never been a good thing. Somewhere in my head I have this running theme that I am not worthy, or that thin is not a safe place to be. Well...how about healthy? I am no longer healthy living my life the way I have. As a doctor so bluntly put it recently, "Hmmm, your weight is up since the last time you were here, and so is your blood pressure. Are you trying to stroke out?" Ok....that pissed me off, and then I let myself really think about what she said. Am I? Am I just playing the same game I did when I was younger and abusing drugs? "If I live I live, if I die I die. "

I don't want to do that anymore. I want to stick around for a while longer. I have good people in my life, and am very lucky to still have interest in new adventures and experiences. I need to get rid of some of this pain and inability to move freely due to excess weight so I can get out into the world more and start enjoying things.

So, here I go again! Let this journey begin. I hope that you will take it with me, and we can encourage each other along the way. If you see me laying down road blocks...give me a swift kick, and I'll do the same for you! There's a lot of amazing things out in the world, let's go enjoy them!

Talk to you again soon!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    You recognize the problem is that you don't take care of yourself and you have made a commitment to change that parameter. I believe you can do it, and I wish you the very best of success as you work at this.

    1444 days ago
  • RHOOK20047
    Happy 4th of July emoticon emoticon emoticon Welcome to SparkPeople. We are all here for the same reason, no matter what our personal story is. We are here to help each other to get to that healthy point we want to be in our lives. It is not going to be easy, but it is attainable. I have found that changing things up is the way to start weight loss. Make small goals and they will lead to big successes. Welcome and get active on this site. emoticon
    1447 days ago
    Those things that are in the past are in the past, Kate. The writing is on the wall for you and your life. We all have gone on the unhealthy path in our lives, but we chose not to stay there. It sounds like you have a good support system. Use that.

    It can be a challenge to break old habits, but I am a witness that it can be done. I am not where I want to be, but I am working on getting myself on the right track also. I am so guilty of sabotaging myself whenever I get to a certain weight, but I cannot give up. I have to keep plugging at it because my life means more than that to me.

    So don't give up before you get started, okay. We all go through so many obstacles, but we cannot stop running to keep our eyes on our goal. One day we will reach it. It is just going to take time to break old habits..

    We can do it and we will do it.
    1447 days ago
    Keep focused for success.
    1448 days ago
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    1448 days ago
    Wow! So nice to meet you all, and thanks for your comments and encouragement! emoticon
    1448 days ago
    1448 days ago
    Our health always seems much more valuable after we lose it. – Unknown -
    Keep strong!
    1448 days ago
    Hey right here beside you on this path! I too can get caught up in "life" and not have time to take care of me. So let's do it different this time!!! Come on, let's go! I can't wait to see where this journey takes us!

    1448 days ago
    What you wrote rings true. I think being aware of those patterns is the first step, and the next is changing them permanently... easier said than done, no doubt! Good luck to you on your journey, we are all here trying to change for the better. emoticon
    1448 days ago
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