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Thursday, July 03, 2014

I can't seem to find mine lately & I need some encouragement & support. There are 2 songs running through my head this last week. One is by Simon & Garfunkel.
"I'm empty & aching & I don't know why"
The other is the Gambler by Kenny Rogers
"You've got to know when to hold em, know when to fold em. Know when to walk away..."

I have been wanting to write this blog for over a week now but just have not have the strength or time. I am working 6 days a week, mostly nights & I am just burnt out. Don't get me wrong. For the most part, I enjoy my job but there have been days like like last Sunday where I nearly walked out & part of it is due to my own personal circumstances. Mary Ann, if you read this please do not let it be known to Larry's mother as I doubt he has told her the truth. Basically, the night after the trees fell on our house, my husband got fired, supposedly for Sexual Harassment. There has been an issue come up with his insurance & he wants me dropped from his policy so I am believing as also my son is, that his boss & him decided this was the best way to do it. He has produced no termination paperwork although I have asked him for it & he is making no effort to look for another job or get unemployment. Literally, he is doing nothing-I mean absolutely nothing! I am supporting the 3 of us on a minimum wage job. All he seems to want from me is to play around, excuse my bluntness. I am at my wits end & do not know what to do or where to turn. I am so pissed off when I get home at 11pm that there are dishes from the morning & the house is a total disaster. I am disheartened & I feel so betrayed.
Thank you for letting me vent. I know you are my true friends & I trust you all & love you with all my heart!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Really sorry to hear about all the hard times you are going through! emoticon emoticon My prayers and thoughts are with you but you need to sit with your DH and have a good heart to heart! You should not be the only one going through such an ordeal and burning yourself out! Take care! emoticon emoticon If you need to vent just do so!
    1409 days ago
    Simply stated, this just sucks! Something does sound a little fishy though. Sending lots of happy thoughts and prayers your way!
    1410 days ago
  • LOSER05
    I'm sorry your having a hard time emoticon
    1411 days ago
    With all you have gone through supporting your husband during his health scare this is just NOT right! If you get to the point where you can't support the two of THEM...maybe you should consider just supporting YOU!

    I was married to a horrible man for 10 miserable years of my life...he did work but he was so controlling and overbearing I felt like I had two different personalities! I married at what the heck did I know? After I had a car accident and he was more interested in the damage to the car...then he was in the damage to me...I drew the line. I took my then 10 year old daughter and told him to pack his bags.

    Only after this happened did I get the opportunity for happiness. I met my forever love (my husband of 36 years) and was able to have the life I DESERVED to live.

    I know it's not an easy choice...but if you are treated so poorly it might be good to ponder how things would look if you just had you to worry about.

    Hugs, hugs, and MORE hugs my sweet friend...I feel so sorry for your situation.

    emoticon You will know...when you know.

    Sending love and mighty prayers your way! emoticon
    1411 days ago
    You are in my thoughts and prayers. You are an amazing woman that has accomplished so much! You deserve to be treated that way. May God give you strength and wisdom.

    1411 days ago
    So sorry you are feeling like the only sane one in your family, but are being punished for it. You have received some great advice from others here. Please act on it so things can get better. Dr. Phil says, "We teach people how to treat us." Don't accept this inconsiderate treatment in your home. You are not a doormat!
    1411 days ago
    emoticon emoticon Patti

    You have way to much stress. I hope things are settling down and hubby and son are pitching in around home. You've had so much to deal with this year. I hope are getting better already. I care.

    1413 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon Keep your chin up. You are such a hard worker and care giver. Do only what you can. The others SHOULD do their own dishes, laundry and such, especially when they are home making the mess. I have a brother-in-law and nephews who do this to my sister EVERY DAY! She milks cows morning and night and even has a full time job in the day, yet SHE is the one expected to clean up their messes. Do your part and leave theirs lay. Pretty soon they'll need clothes and dishes. As far as the job thing, holy cow, what does he expect! Really? No extra benefits to hubby until the whole household is on solid ground again. That might hurt a little! emoticon
    1413 days ago
    No wonder. Losses are difficult...loss of trust...loss of insurance...loss of wages...

    I am sending a hug and prayers your way.

    You can't control another's action, nor do you want to.
    Your response/reaction is under your control. What can you do?

    Make you #1.
    Take care of your health and your fitness.
    You will need it as you go through this journey.
    Your questions will be answered.
    Decisions reached.
    Whatever you decide, it will be the right decision for you.
    Know that we are here for you.
    1415 days ago
    Vent all you want! We really cannot do much for you but keep you in our hearts. Hope things improve. But I would be making them do the chores.
    1417 days ago
    1418 days ago
  • C2BFIT
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    I'm so praying for you and your family. That's a lot of major stuff with which you are dealing. I'm putting this all up into our Father's hands. I'm praying for support around you from the people who are "safe" in your life. Accused does not mean guilty automatically.

    You all had a lot going in the last while. emoticon
    ETA: Can the kids help around the house if you put up a specific list?

    1418 days ago

    Comment edited on: 7/4/2014 8:34:04 AM
    I am so sorry to hear that you are going through such hard times rights now Patti. You are such a positive good person and you are in my thoughts and prayers. I also said the prayer for you that MyTurnNow2013 sent. There are many people here at Spark that love you and wish only the best for you!

    emoticon emoticon
    1418 days ago

    Comment edited on: 7/4/2014 12:17:04 AM
    Patti - Vent all you like. Sexuual harrasment is a serious charge and usually requires some type of hearing in large companies. In smaller businesses it could be claimed, but unless it is incredibly blatant and witnessed, there's still be some sort of hearing or at least a showing of proof. This sounds rather hinky to me.

    You need to put you foot (or both feet) down and insist that if we are all living here AND I'm out working when you aren't, then your job just became keeping the house in order unless you are out interviewing for a new paying job.

    You can survive this - but feel free to vent here whenever you need our support or just need to let off steam. emoticon

    1418 days ago
    I am so sorry to hear you are going through so much. GEMINISUE is right....if your husband was fired there is no insurance, especially for being fired for such a serious offense. I would also think there would be more of a stink about the sexual harassment, I think there would a hearing within the company or otherwords I think proof would be needed. I think you should tell your husband and son that since you are working and supporting them the least they could do is clean up after themselves. The most important thing for you to do is to take care of yourself. Since you don't have your Spark right now keep coming back here and lean on your Spark friends............ I am only a message away and I am willing to listen. emoticon I care.
    1418 days ago
    I am so sorry this is happening to you. I agree with some of the others that things don't seem right. If he was terminated for sexual harassment, there would be no insurance. I don't believe you can get terminated for misconduct and keep your benefits. Something isn't right and maybe you need to have a serious talk with him.

    You need to put you first right now. emoticon
    1418 days ago
    Linda, (GEMINISUE) gave you some good advice along with some others as well. I hope things get better for you soon! It's good to come here and vent. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts!

    1418 days ago
    We all love you. It's bound to get better.

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1418 days ago
    You have way too much stress on your plate. Adding prayers and positive thoughts for you. If the sexual harassment is proven to be true, you also have to decide if he will remain your husband. That decision in itself would add a tremendous amount of stress.

    Dear Lord,

    Please lift our sister Patty up in your arms and replenish her spirit to help her to find comfort and relief in your love.

    In Jesus Name,
    1418 days ago
    Patti, I don't have words to describe how I feel after reading this. You are in my heart and prayers.
    1418 days ago
  • LIS193
    1418 days ago
    1418 days ago
    Vent all you want . . . it's part of what keeps life in balance.

    Reaching out with prayers & encouragement & hope for you today!

    1418 days ago
    Oh, Pattie...........No wonder you have "lost your spark!" There is too much stress in your life right now. I would have to wonder about a husband who wanted me dropped from his insurance! Aren't husbands supposed to be help mates for life? It is not right that since you are the only one working, all the housework is falling on you. Hubby and son should both have that all done before you ever get home.

    I think some of this stress needs to be resolved, one way or the other, before you can concentrate completely on getting healthier. emoticon
    1419 days ago
  • PCOH051610
    Sending you big hugs! emoticon
    1419 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    Do you have to file for unemployment in person in your state? In PA you can do it online. My DH was so upset when he got laid off that I did the application for him and wound up going online every two weeks to do the update and request payment.
    1419 days ago
    I know it's hard, but from what you wrote you may be pretty much on your own for awhile. Focus on, you since right now you need to be the strong one.

    I don't understand you being dropped from his insurance. Doesn't being fired mean your no longer there and they don't pay his or your insurance, anymore. Has he filed for unemployment? Is he saying the accusations are false.

    As far as you, let him know he needs to keep the house up and if your son is old enough give him a chore or two, it's summer.

    You can probably apply for food stamps, you need to stay healthy. Plan your meals, exercise if only ten minutes at a time. and remember the song.

    I WILL SURVIVE! it helped me so much when I was left alone with three small children, and he did NOT pay child support. I did it and my three children are grown up and one owns a business, one makes enough money to take care of herself, bought a home and a car and raise 2 children. The third is raising a special needs child, but she is doing fine emotionally and doing a great job tending to her child's needs.

    Women are Strong, We can do this!

    Linda emoticon
    1419 days ago
    Sexual Harassment is a very serious charge. This doesn't make sense.
    You are right - something isn't right.
    1419 days ago
    Sending major hugs and some spark your way.
    1419 days ago
    I am so sorry this happening to you. keep in there. i'll keep you in my prayers
    1419 days ago
    I'm so, so sorry you're having such a hard time. emoticon I'm praying for you Patti! Jesus is the way maker when there seems to be no way! God bless you, Honey!
    1419 days ago
    No wonder you're lacking in spark - it truly $#!@#s what harm the actions of OTHER PEOPLE can do!

    1419 days ago
    emoticon emoticon , know we are here for you.
    1419 days ago
    I'm sorry that you are having such a hard time, but I'm sure you will find your spark again and things will get easier. emoticon
    1419 days ago
  • ZRIE014
    keep it up and have a good day
    1419 days ago
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