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Get me outta this place!

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

I am desperately trying to start over.

I want to move out of this small town where I don't have any friends. I want to get away from my boyfriend because he drinks all the time and is annoying and aggressive when he does. I just want to buy a little house in the city where I can have friends. I want to live alone with my pets and I make the rules and everything operates my way and I don't have to worry about whether my boyfriend is going to come home drunk and in a bad mood. I want a job that pays me enough to live comfortably on my own.

I'm in my 40's and I don't think any of this is unreasonable. It's just that the stupid world is designed to keep me in this one little place. A place where I can't get ahead. A place where I am miserable. This is BS and it needs to stop. And I mean immediately.

I work. I pay my bills. I come home and have no social life. I seriously hate it here. I have been trying to get the hell out of here for a long time. They say money can't buy you happiness, but if I had money I could afford to relocate and pay off my car and start over... You know what they say, 'Wish in one hand and poop in the other and see which one fills up first'.

And people wonder why I'm depressed and irritable. It's because I need a life upgrade asap.

What brought on this rant you ask?? I didn't get the dream job I was hoping for. I now realize I am destined to live in this crappy cycle and be miserable forever and I might as well get used to it. That's just great.

Back to the drawing board.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • GORDON66
    It's sounds like you are in an abusive relationship. Start there. Even if you're in a small town, there must be social services available. If not, you can always pick up a phone and talk to someone. Do a Google search for alcohol and domestic abuse. Good luck!
    1467 days ago
    You are not alone. Just keep getting back up, keep applying for jobs, save every dime. Just don't give up trying. Don't think about what you don't want, this will drag you down and pin you to the ground. Focus only on what you want, see it, know it is going to happen. Fight for it and let nothing get in your way. You deserve to have every thing you need. Don't wait for others to help you, you have to make this happen and you will be stronger for it! Believe in yourself, be your own best friend, and raise your value, and never let anyone have control over your future. You can do it! emoticon
    1467 days ago
    You will be surprise the strength you will have, if you leave. It is not all about money. When I left a horrible marriage, I left with the clothes on my back, my car, and 1 change of clothes so I could go to work the next day. And I never looked back. I would have lived in my car if I would have had to, but I was not going back, to hear him say "I told you so".
    1467 days ago
    Oh my.... I've been there and it wasn't pretty! I pretty much gave up everything and did start over. I moved as far away (out of state and across country) from everyone and everything I knew (with the exception of my 2 boys) and did start over. I gave up a career, a home and a crappy relationship in order to keep my sons off the treacherous LOW SELF ESTEEM roller coaster that dooms us to a life of never being good enough or derserving better. I had to take drastic measures once I discovered it was not only effecting me but my children were starting to show signs. I was 39 when I finally got a clue, probably would have taken longer if the kids weren't involve.

    Take it from one who's been there. It's a whole lot better once you break the cycle. It takes some getting use to when you first learn the power of NO and being able to believe in (and even love) yourself.

    If you really want a chage... GO FOR IT. See if you can get in a support group for co-dependent care takers, abusive relationships, low self esteem, or people involved with alcoholics. Start applying for positions that get you were you want to be -- don't be so concerned about not geting THE DREAM JOB since your focus it to get out and change your life -- focus on a job that gets you out to further change your life . You might need to start at the bottom and make some cut backs if you really want to move quickly. Send the boyfriend packing if you have too!

    You can do this.... ONLY YOU can do this... no one can do it for you.... YOU ARE SPECIAL... YOU ARE DESERVING...

    Let me know if I can be there for you... I still remember some of the tools that I used to help me learn... still use them from time to time as a refresher.
    1467 days ago

    Comment edited on: 6/17/2014 5:19:37 PM
    I have been where you are, in many respects. In a job I hated, working for a man i didn't respect, married to a man who was randomly and irrationally angry at me... and i had a baby daughter. I applied for "dream jobs" for a year, and finally got not the dream job, but something that allowed me to feel worthy of life.

    I want to type all sorts of words to offer support and encouragement, but you don't know me so i'm not sure it will help. Just know that you are not alone in ANY of your feelings, that there are people out there who recognize your worth. that job sounded like my dream job too - it would have been amazing - and so you now know what you're looking for - more opportunities like that.

    (remember i mentioned a kid? thus the Finding Nemo quote) "Just keep swimming"
    1467 days ago
  • NONONO54
    There's an old saying..get your ducks in a row. If you want change, then do what you need to do to make it happen. Start putting back what you can - cut corners everywhere you can. I did this about 2 years ago. Downsized my satellite package, got out of my phone contract, turned off my home phone, made my shopping trips less frequent and only bought what I needed. I was able to get out of credit card debt, pay off one of my student loans, and have a decent down payment for a new car. I only have a mediocre job, but I still did it. You can do. If you really want change, start making steps to make it happen.
    1467 days ago
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