A Three Week Check In
Tuesday, June 17, 2014
So three weeks ago today, I went to the doctor for my annual physical, and I was, quite frankly, a mess. We spent a lot of time talking about the past, dark, 18 months of my life, and I left with the marching orders of doing some thinking about what kind of support I was going to reach out for to get myself back to a light place..
Soooo, 3 weeks later, I am a little reluctant to talk about how good I feel right now, because that is usually the kiss of death for me. But at the risk of that, and given the fact that for too long I have come here and expressed my tales of woe, I am here to say that the last couple of weeks have been a lesson in setting up a plan and babystepping my way to getting into a zone of success. I have been eating incredibly well, and now I can say that I have exercised for the last three days, too. As suggested in The Diet Fix, I have set my daily calorie limit pretty high, aiming to lose 1 lb per week. Well, I have lost more than that, and I find myself eating less and yet feeling completely satisfied. I do think it's the protein as well as eating every 2.5 to 3.5 hours. I also think that eating within an hour of waking up has helped, too, because I find myself hungry once I sit down to eat and whereas before I would eat as much as 3 hours after getting out of bed, I clearly was starting off the day hungry, and that hunger deficit would just be raging by the end of the day. I cannot say I don't still want to reach for food in frustration, nor that I have taken the frustration out of my life, but I am finding that I am better able to recognize what I'm doing, and control it. Now, what I don't know is whether I am controlling it because I am "in the zone," or controlling it because I am less hungry, or a little bit of both. Part of me says, "who cares, it's working," but part of me thinks it's really important to know WHY it's working. But that said, I'm not really sure how to figure out why. I will say, I think that adding the exercise back in seems to be making a difference. It is interesting that I always felt that to be the case, but I seem to have proven that to myself by working on the food first and then incorporating exercise this time, because I can feel the difference. And the final piece is that I have recognized the need to give myself SOME "me" time every day, and have decided to define my "me" time as anything that gives me a sense of well-being, so it can include cooking a good meal, exercising, or actually taking some time and reading a book, or taking a nap, or, heaven forbid, cleaning something that has been calling my name for a while that I had not been able to get to..
I think it's safe to say that it's not just the eating, it's not just the exercise, it's not just "The Diet Fix," and it's not just the expansion of my definition of "me" time and my committment to having some daily. It's a little bit of all those things, plus many years of experience with all this. Though I will admit I was in full panic mode not a month ago, I am so happy that I didn't throw the baby out with the bath water and forego the basic things that I know about all this stuff that could put me on the road to success. By taking some time to try to separate the fact from the fiction inside my head, where all this stuff is happening, I think I have been able to get up to speed pretty quickly because I did have a sound basis of knowledge upon which to draw. Throw in a little lightbulb action (the aforementioned eating within an hour of waking, eating 10 g of protein per snack and 20 g per meal, eating every 2.5 to 3.5 hours), I have been able to incorporate all that "new" into much "old" and here I am. And one last thing, I would be remiss if I didn't talk about the marvelous tools SP gives us to accomplish our goals. The food tracker has been invaluable to me these last weeks, as well as my Spark ActivityTracker, and of course, my wonderful SparkFriends and the helpful articles and hints.
Thrilled to be here, and hoping that by talking about it I am not jinxing myself. Because there does remain a little superstition in all of this for me. But I think that fear of slippage is a good thing, it keeps me on my toes.
Thanks to everyone who has given me encouragement over this last period of darkness, I think I am seeing the light, and can only hope that I can keep on going... Have a great day my friends!