Third time's a charm
Wednesday, June 04, 2014
The first few weeks of a mammoth undertaking (no pun intended) usually involves a significant amount of self reflection. A comment on my post yesterday spurred the realization that this will be the third time in my life I have attempted a large scale weight loss. The first time I lost 60 lbs. The second time 99 lbs. Quite literally I was half a pound from a hundred down and I spiraled. (Another sparkfriend kindly had warned me this could happen and she was right)
My fiancé has been nothing but supportive in our 6 plus years together. He is a healthy weight and has never judged me for mine but he is scared for my health. When I told him I had joined spark again his reaction was attentive but I can tell he does not believe me I will do this. Six months ago he told me he doesn't believe me anymore. That I have started and stopped so many times that he just doesn't trust me regarding my intentions. I value honesty even when it is painful and he is right. It has strengthened my resolve even more.
Today I am scared. Scared to fail. Scared to restrict. Scared not to begin. Scared to cut myself down to the raw painful place that is what I eat to hide. Scared to be seen.
Thing is I had let fear control me in all aspects of my life I would still be married, living in the burbs, working a job I hate. Instead I am living in the city with an amazing circle of friends who are my family. I own a company that has already done 3 million in sales in the first 2 quarters. I met the love of my life. So why do I doubt I can achieve my goals for my health? The fat protects me from both good and bad. It is time to let go. To realize food isn't love or happiness or comfort.
Let go of your fear with me. It is a scary road but what do we have to lose except inches?