300,000-349,999 SparkPoints 315,327

A break from the Soul Searcher series

Monday, June 02, 2014

I needed to give my brain a bit of a rest and just 'talk'; no Soul Searcher questions today.

I had a beautiful weekend and I hope everyone reading this had the same blessing. I got to see one of my kids, both grandkids and some dear friends. I got a lot of gardening done, as well. It was, in my opinion, the PERFECT weather to do just about anything and everything (except ice skate - which I don't do anyway) emoticon

My Mom passed away just this past May 6th and I'm trying to sort out a lot of emotions. My mother and I did not get along with each other. My siblings have been sifting through her 'belongings' at my parents house (both parents are in Heaven and my mother was pretty much a hoarder) and I'll be going there shortly to go through some drawers and closets and think about my childhood and the relationship I had with my parents. I wept for months (years) when my Dad passed away; couldn't shed a tear at my Mom's funeral. Please don't send me a message reminding me how we ALL love our Moms or that ALL Moms are a gift from God. They (we) might be Moms but are still human and have their/our flaws.

I'll always be grateful to my Mother for the well performed mechanics of being a mother and for the lessons she taught me on what not to do................. and how to be a good Mom to my kids by not being like her.

I admit, this may sound horrible to some of you. Perhaps, unfortunately, some of you can understand where I'm coming from. Please don't judge me; I became a Mother to myself years ago and, I'm told, that's a pretty big and awesome thing. I'm proud of myself but sad that my mother didn't have a chance to see what a wonderful person - and mother - I've been. I do have faith that she's in Heaven and has a front row seat to what I do with my kids and grandkids every day.

Sorry, this did turn out to be a Soul Searcher topic emoticon Thanks for the opportunity to emote a bit. Here's to more beautiful weather! emoticon
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
    2332 days ago
    Sadly, many mothers are incapable of giving their children what they really need...including mine, although she gave birth to 14 of us trying to fill her own needs.
    I loved her dearly and made peace with her as an adult but, like you, I had to mother myself.
    My father, ugh, a mean drunk, esp. to my mom, although many folks thought he was the life of every party.
    No tears from me at his funeral.
    2332 days ago
    All women are equipped with the parts to make babies, but not all women are equipped with what it takes to be a mother. How awesome that you were able to learn and become a better mother because of it. No judgment from me - just a cyber hug!
    2333 days ago
    emoticon So insightful!
    2333 days ago
    Tough time for you...
    Losing someone who had such an impact on your life (good, bad or neutral) is difficult. Hope your time with your sibs allows for reminiscing and feeling good about where you are in your journey now.
    2333 days ago
    No apologies necessary. I'm so glad that you trusted us enough to share your true thoughts. I lost my mother a year ago in May - I think she waited for the spring to see it one last time. Whatever your relationship with your mother was, it will continue to change over time as you sift through all the feelings, the memories...and the belongings. You're using even the "bad" to refine what you want to be as a person and a mother. Perhaps where she is now she'll be able to better appreciate the wonderful person her daughter has become.
    2334 days ago
    I can relate. I think we can learn from everyone -some teach us how to be and others how not to be- it helps us be who we are.
    2334 days ago
    No judgment here. I know many that have been where you have been.

    I am happy you were a person to move on and past what she was.

    Peace be with you.

    Hugs Mary
    2334 days ago
  • no profile photo BABYSOX
    No one has lived in your shoes and there is absolutely no judgment here. Sometimes it feels good to just let some of the emotions flow.
    2334 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.