Saturday, 5/31 Anxiety
Saturday, May 31, 2014
There just isn't a lot to do here--I get up and walk with every person who will walk with me. My leg pain is decreased with the morpine PCA, but it rears its ugly head when I stand up from the chair or sit down or go near that bed. After a few laps around this floor, I am limping pretty significantly which tells me that the pain meds are masking the issue which is helpful in a way, but not a problem solver. I haven't screamed at my leg all day today and that is a first in well over 3 weeks.
I am thinking too much--The test I need on Monday is (I think) a CT Myelogram. I cannot help but remember that the entire saga with my back began with someone injecting dye (and bacteria) into my spine. Now, to fix my leg, I need a test where someone gets to inject dye into my spine. Now, I am convinced that there is high quality care here, but that little nagging thought is with me nonetheless.
I have to miss the big shower our church is holding for my son Mitchell and his fiancee, Laura tomorrow. I had to miss her shower because of my surgery and this makes me sad. I am trying to keep my eye on the golden ring--being able to enjoy their September wedding, but this is special and fun. All of my other kids will be there and they are going to call me and do facetime from the party. (I haven't done facetime, but I understand it is easy enough to do.)
Finally, I am thinking about the two possible procedures I will need toi handle tis impinged nerve. If it is the little one--debriding the nerve and ridding me of some of my many bone spurs--well, hallelujah. If it is the big procedure, I have this horrible thought of waking up with my hands restrained and a tube down my throat. I really, really don't want to ever experience that again. I know I have no choice.
Finally to add to my anxiety--I got a nasty email fromt he principal on Friday. She sent me a weird email on Thursday about my job and I sent her a response asking for clarification. She didn't answer, so I sent a similar email to my Title 1 director and our HR guy because she answered my question if I would be doing the same job next year with half day Title 1 and half day Professional Development this way: "yes but next year it doesn't look good." I didn't know what the heck that meant--so I asked for clarification. She sent me a saucy email telling me to never ask anyone but her about my position again. (Great, she is at it again...I have been gone for 6 weeks so she has to cut loose on me.)
I have to just work on feeling better and take things as they come--and I will. But--it isn't easy when they are like this!!