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Saturday, 5/31 Anxiety

Saturday, May 31, 2014

Hi again,

There just isn't a lot to do here--I get up and walk with every person who will walk with me. My leg pain is decreased with the morpine PCA, but it rears its ugly head when I stand up from the chair or sit down or go near that bed. After a few laps around this floor, I am limping pretty significantly which tells me that the pain meds are masking the issue which is helpful in a way, but not a problem solver. I haven't screamed at my leg all day today and that is a first in well over 3 weeks.

I am thinking too much--The test I need on Monday is (I think) a CT Myelogram. I cannot help but remember that the entire saga with my back began with someone injecting dye (and bacteria) into my spine. Now, to fix my leg, I need a test where someone gets to inject dye into my spine. Now, I am convinced that there is high quality care here, but that little nagging thought is with me nonetheless.

I have to miss the big shower our church is holding for my son Mitchell and his fiancee, Laura tomorrow. I had to miss her shower because of my surgery and this makes me sad. I am trying to keep my eye on the golden ring--being able to enjoy their September wedding, but this is special and fun. All of my other kids will be there and they are going to call me and do facetime from the party. (I haven't done facetime, but I understand it is easy enough to do.)

Finally, I am thinking about the two possible procedures I will need toi handle tis impinged nerve. If it is the little one--debriding the nerve and ridding me of some of my many bone spurs--well, hallelujah. If it is the big procedure, I have this horrible thought of waking up with my hands restrained and a tube down my throat. I really, really don't want to ever experience that again. I know I have no choice.

Finally to add to my anxiety--I got a nasty email fromt he principal on Friday. She sent me a weird email on Thursday about my job and I sent her a response asking for clarification. She didn't answer, so I sent a similar email to my Title 1 director and our HR guy because she answered my question if I would be doing the same job next year with half day Title 1 and half day Professional Development this way: "yes but next year it doesn't look good." I didn't know what the heck that meant--so I asked for clarification. She sent me a saucy email telling me to never ask anyone but her about my position again. (Great, she is at it again...I have been gone for 6 weeks so she has to cut loose on me.)

I have to just work on feeling better and take things as they come--and I will. But--it isn't easy when they are like this!!

Gentle hugs,
Sylvia
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • LIVINGLOVINLIFE
    Sylvia; emoticon
    Hope this finds you feeling better. I am so sorry you are missing the shower, I know you wanted to be there. It is really for the best that your surgeon put you in the hospital. You would never rest, and you could not be on the PCA pump. Take care when up and walking. I understand about feeling better when walking rather than sitting or lying. Some times my back is like that. Right now mu back is good with sitting which is unusual and painful when walking. But it is not unbearable. I hope they can get your tests done Monday without too much pain and you get good results.
    This thing at work is bad. I know you love teaching and your students, but right now you need to concentrate on you. I know you are not really ready to retire that you need the income with your large family and all their needs but the time may be coming when the choice won't be yours. Have you checked about disability vs retirement. It could take away a lot of worry for you. Rest and try to have happy pleasant thoughts of being home pain free. Hugs Pat
    1631 days ago
  • MORTICIAADDAMS
    I don't know if it's a good idea to do all that walking when you are on that much pain medication. You could injure yourself further.

    Try not to worry about the future. What you need to do is envision yourself undertaking these challenges and coming out of them with a positive outcome.

    I hate that you will miss the shower but I know you will not be forgottenle. and that the kids will include you as much as possible.

    I find myself wondering how close you are to retirement as you need to not tax your body so much and allow it to heal and you need to get away from this toxic woman.

    I'm sending prayers. emoticon
    1631 days ago
  • HAPPYSOUL91
    The principal is really out of line and go back to HR and tell them of her latest statement. You are protected by labor laws and union (if you have it in your state). How fun that you can use face time and we there (almost). Hang tough my friend!
    1631 days ago
  • FERRETLOVER1
    First of all, Facetime is VERY easy. You will feel like you are there at the party.

    Now, as for the rest...You will be in my thoughts all day Monday. emoticon

    That principal really sounds like some piece of work! You have every right to contact whomever you want to regarding your job, and don't let her bully you about that!

    Take it easy and try to get as much rest as you can.

    Thinking of you, Sylvia, and wishing you good news from your tests.
    1631 days ago
  • _LINDA
    I can't believe they would leave a tube down your throat after surgery!! That is just horrible and what on Earth would be their reasoning??
    Sounds like that principal has missed you. emoticon emoticon Wonders what kind of standards they have to let someone like that be an administrator. My family has a track record of horrible bosses. Why do the nastiest people always seem to rise to the top?
    Hoping nothing goes wrong with these tests and procedures. Just once, something has to work out for you.
    Sorry you had to miss your son's shower :((
    Thank you for keeping us updated!
    {{{gentle hugs}}}
    Linda
    1631 days ago
  • KRISTYTROGERS
    deep breath. take one day or one moment at a time when you need to. Pamper yourself when you can. You deserve it!
    1631 days ago
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