15,000-19,999 SparkPoints 19,089

More Than Burnt Out. I Give Up. I'm Giving SP a Try.

Saturday, May 31, 2014

"Burnt Out" doesn't even begin to describe how I feel about being on this site. That would have described me two years ago when I had only been on for 3 years and was still nowhere near my goal. At the five year mark I don't even know if there is a word.

Don't get me wrong, I love my Sparkfriends. I love blogging and commenting on others blogs. I love the support that I've gotten as I've striven for my goals. It has been an experience.....

At the same time, I'm just tired of failure. Getting close. Missing it. Not feeling comfortable expressing frustration. Knowing that if I do, there aren't really any answers to what I'm dealing with.

The hardcore truth in my mind is that as much as I love my friends....I have no realistic proof or evidence that this site works. I chose SP over other possibilities because it promised something different than the religious weight loss experience (all-or-nothing, falling off wagons, facing this alone, etc.)

The last time I felt this way about an organization/institution was church. I walked away from it with everyone telling me how I was losing my way and that I would be sorry for doing so. When I asked those who made such statements how it had positively affected/changed their lives, I got a lot of non-answers.

My life has been far better since leaving. I wonder if the same could be said about SP.

That all being said there is one thing that I have not done, ironically. That is actually follow the SparkDiet as written and spiritually designed. I fell into the trap of just blogging/commenting and occasionally going after the SparkPoints. It's always nagged me that I haven't followed the program.

I will not judge the site as not meeting its promise (again no evidence or proof). As I would read the intros (including the SparkDiet itself), it made it clear that it worked and had many testimonials to back that up. But then, I wouldn't expect the book or site to parade those who gave up and failed.

So I press the reset button. I will start by doing two things.
#1 Start the SparkDiet. I already have points for doing Phase One 4+ years ago, so I will do it sans pointums.
#2 Start re-reading the SparkDiet book. Read it back in the early 2010's

My three questions are simply
#1 Does it work on and by its own terms?
#2 Do I really want what it promises?
#3 Is it something that I can actually do?

I once made the assertion that I would rather be 250+ pounds than live in constant enslavement to the diet mentality. I made that comment over 3 years ago and mean it more today than I ever have.

I no longer accept the 5 years of failure that I have experienced on this site. I accept responsibility for it. Now it really is time to get on the plan, not the wagon, and see if this works. If not, I love you but need to move to something that does.

I am going to start by buying myself a SparkGoodie welcoming me to the site. Please feel free to treat this as a first blog of sorts.

Welcome me. How I do things going forward will be extremely different than in the past. I apologize for what I've said in the past. If I've ever given advice and it hasn't really worked (though it sounded nice), I'm sorry.

So here goes....

Hi, My name is Trent....... and today, I'm starting my Spark People weight loss journey. I don't know if this site and its corresponding book/program deliver what they promise.

But I plan to find out.

Thanks for reading,

- TD In
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Welcome to Sparkpeople :D
    I have a feeling you are going to be an inspiration to a lot of people here! :)
    2376 days ago
    Hi Trent, welcome! I'm glad you're here with us!
    2377 days ago
    Hi Trent, Welcome to spark!

    I hope you find what you're looking for with the site and wish you the best of luck.

    2377 days ago
  • no profile photo CD3992584
    Hey Trent - I feel like this too as I have also been around for 5 years and with what progress. Well, I have made exercise progress and better eating choices that I've learned but overall, still the same weight. I think it comes down to that it's something deep inside that is holding us back; at least that is what I've been exploring lately.

    With that being said, if you've never committed fully to the diet, maybe that will be just what you need to finally reach your goal of 195. I would love to be able to go along but I have a different plan in June however I will be here supporting you and seeing your progress!

    2377 days ago
    I never read the SparkDiet. I was losing weight little by little for a year or so eating according to how many calories I was suppose to be eating and exercising A LOT! I've been on SP for 5 years and the reason I finally started to lose was because I finally got my thyroid med's where they should be. So, yes, I think it can work if you really track what you eat and exercise. However, I did start doing the Fast Metabolism Diet 3 months ago. Since then I've lost 25 pounds just by changing what and how I eat. I've cut back on my exercising to 30 - 45 minutes of cardio 2 days per week and ST for 30 - 45 minutes 2 days a week. Granted it's summer or summer-ish and I'm more active than in the winter. The first month I did the Fast Metabolism Diet I only did 1 day of cardio and 1 day of ST each week and 1 day of Tai Chi. I still lost 10 pounds though. The way I see it is you can give the SparkDiet a chance and REALLY do what you are supposed to do or you can try the Fast Metabolism Diet or neither. Good luck with whatever you decide TD. Just don't give up on losing weight though because it can be done!
    2378 days ago

    Comment edited on: 6/1/2014 2:19:10 AM
    Um, maybe I'm out of line as I am also a long term non-loser but here I go anyway.
    How about not looking at yourself as a failure and instead as a person living your best life with some awesome days and some crappy days but loving your life anyway?
    I read recently that TWO-THIRDS of the people in all of the developed world are either overweight or obese and doctors and scientists are at a loss to explain it or stop it.
    Maybe it is bigger than us and all we can do is keep trying-
    exercise to keep your body strong and flexible and healthy
    and eat whole natural healthy foods most of the time
    and live each day to the fullest.
    So there!
    Ok, off my soapbox now.
    Good luck with your new SP program...lots of people have succeeded with it.
    2378 days ago
  • no profile photo JESSIAMBER
    Good Luck Trent. Take one day at a time, sometimes one hour at a time. I tried for years to lose weight, then losing and gaining back. For many years it was a part of vanity snd wanting to look good. Now it is in order to survive. When I started this time, my knees hurt every day and it was difficult to walk. I also have Type 2 Diabetes which was out of control. I knew if this continued I would be on insulin instead of just the pills. So far, I have lost 60 poinds and my daughter lost 50 pounds. Every day is not perfect but we are not perfect, but we try our best. I hope that this time will work for you. We also belong to a gym and do other exercise as well. For me, exercise is the answer. If i eat more on a certain day then I have to exercise more. That is my agreement with myself. My knees no longer hurt because the doctor told me for every pound I lose it feels like 5 off of my knee, and my diabetes meds are cut in half now. Good Luck and don't give up.
    2378 days ago
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