30,000-39,999 SparkPoints 35,519

It's Official: My 2nd Rock Bottom

Friday, May 30, 2014

Yep, this blog is one big ol' pity party. You've been warned.

For the past 6 hours I have cried off and on, knowing that I've ultimately failed myself and have turned my back on my goals. Life got in the way and I let it completely destroy all of the effort I put into weight loss. I don't feel like I should be a SparkMotivator or even a success story because I don't feel like I am one. There isn't anything about my story that could motivate someone else to succeed because I certainly haven't! I'm coming to terms with the devastation (which I thought I worked through months ago already) and have a plan of action despite my not wanting to do a thing. After e-mailing back and forth with my doctor, she has so kindly referred me to the weight loss program at my local hospital. This is the same program that I started 3 years ago when I hit my 1st rock bottom, so I know it definitely works. It'll take a lot of my energy, but to me, it's worth it. As soon as I hear back from the program head, I'll let you all know when the program will officially start. I'm no longer able to wear my jeans which were a size 16. Ridiculous and oh so embarrassing.


Yes, I'm on depression medication.
Yes, I see a shrink often.

Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Thanks for always sharing so honestly. You give words to those of us who sometimes can't figure out what to say.

    1627 days ago
    You motivate me, despite everything you may think
    1632 days ago
    WOW! Ok, listen, I've written blogs like this, and YOUR response to ME has been... You ARE a motivator because you keep going. No matter what... I'm paraphrasing, but you get it. YOU KNOW, that I KNOW, EXACTLY how you feel. I'm there. I feel like a failure too, but we ARE NOT! We keeping fighting, we keep pushing, and damn it, we're BOTH going to make it. You have not failed ANYONE. Keep fighting sister, I know you have it in you, and I'm ALWAYS here for you.
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1632 days ago
    Be kind to yourself. You deserve kindness.
    1634 days ago
    Don't give up.

    You are amazing. I wouldn't lie to you.

    1634 days ago
    You will feel better. Once you start your program, you will begin doing something healthy for yourself. That will make you FEEL better. That feeling will make you want to do more. Next you will start to see healthy results. Those FEEL good, too. Hang in there.
    1634 days ago
  • no profile photo LOFLLAMA
    I am so proud of you for talking to your Dr! You've got the strength...now use it!

    "knowing that I've ultimately failed myself and have turned my back on my goals."

    Girl, you better stop that right now! ULTIMATELY FAILED??? NO! You have 'ultimately failed' when you lay down to die despite having life left in you!

    You've got SO much going for you. You just need to refocus your weight loss efforts. You have it in you. I KNOW!
    1634 days ago
  • PICKIE98
    Why not make it a second job and be MIssBrit's personal coach, trainer??? Hup-two!! Make her do what you ant, give her rewards, stickers, what_EVER tti takes to get it done!! It is only failure when you STOP TRYING!! You are like the energizer bunny:you never stop!!!
    1634 days ago
    This too shall pass!!! Babe, you're doing the best you can with what you have...that's all anyone can do!!! Life does get in the way, I know that just as much as you do....but the difference between you and a "failure" is that YOU DON'T GIVE UP!!! You have an amazingly huge amount of strength and perseverance. You always find it in you to push through whatever is going on, whatever has knocked you down, and just KEEP ON KEEPIN ON. Those are very admirable qualities, B. Keep your head up, baby. I'm here for you, love you, and support you through thick and thin.
    I love you always!!!
    1635 days ago
  • SUGAR0814
    Life happens! Sometimes you have to "start over". At least you're not giving up!! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1635 days ago
    If you did it once, you CAN do it again and you are on your way! I'm proud of where you have come from and happy about the motivation you have given me just from seeing you succeed! You haven't given up, you are still working on it - keep up the great work!

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1635 days ago
    don't beat yourself up! I've lost and regained too! It's not a fun feeling for sure but what you're doing to get back on track is AWESOME and a sign of serious strength! Most of the contestants on shows like biggest loser regain 30-50% of their weight back within 6 months yikes! It happens, but you are handling it and taking very positive steps for your situation!
    emoticon emoticon
    1635 days ago
    ((((HUGS))) My dear, frankly, I'm proud of you. You are pursuing an avenue that worked for you previously . . . that's not a failure in my book. Failing would be NOT pursuing that.

    You HAVE accomplished weight loss that IS a success, and now are trying to set yourself up for success this time 'round. THAT is being a success, IMHO. If I was there personally, I'd give you a hug and just sit with you awhile. You're not alone, sweetie. NOT BY ANY STRETCH.

    ✲ •。* ✰ ˛★* 。° ✲。* •★ *˚。*。✰
    “Joy is the simplest form of gratitude.” Karl Garth, Swiss Theologian.
    3;˚ 。
    ★ *˚ ✰ 。* ✲˚。✰* ˚。✰ •* ˚ ✲。* ˚。

    1635 days ago
    Failed yourself? Just the fact that you have written this blog tell me that you have NOT failed yourself. It has definitely motivated me to give this a for real try again. As long as you keep trying you are not failing. You fail when you quit trying!! emoticon
    1635 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.