Being Bad & Feeling Melancholy
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
I haven't set foot in the gym this week. Not for lack of "want to" though. More because I'm feeling rather blah and doing so much to prep for this trip. Somehow I have to find the energy to do it all. It is really going to be a balancing act. Seeing real results means I'm going to have to find some consistency in my routine. I don't think that's going to happen until I find a better and more stable job.
I'm finding myself a bit melancholy the last week or so. My life is pretty solitary really. I guess that is why I am glad that I live with my parents right now. Not only are they supportive of the life changes I am trying to make but, my mother really is like my best friend. We hang out together like buddies. We go to movies, we go shopping, we have coffee and all the normal stuff. She doesn't do writers groups but, there I'm among peers who get the profession and it is easy to talk shop. But, I am finding that I want more social interaction and I am having a hard time connecting with people in the local area.
I'm a fish out of water right now. I'm artsy and prefer coffee and conversation to getting out and drinking until I fall down. I like to do artsy activities like going to the theater, or being a part of a production, painting, or attending a writers salon. Yes, I like to go to my gym. But I would also like to find someone who would be game for trying Zumba with me or (as I am able) try a yoga class or some other activity.
I tried an ad on Craigslist platonic section. And for some reason all the responses come with all these weird expectations of a romance forming. I'm not looking for a romance. I don't really need that sort of headache right now. I need to focus on my career and getting my life on track. And the "insta-relationship" has not been good for me in the past.
Now, I'm not saying I'm anti-relationship for the rest of my life. I'd like to meet someone and fall in love again. Sure. But, after all that's happened to me, if that's going to happen it will be with someone who started off as a good friend first. Not some numbskull that I met on Craigslist or a dating site who thinks that they can stake a claim after a couple of lines of emails in which they share virtually nothing about themselves and then call me uptight when they make a pass and I put the brakes on.
I know that this will pass. Eventually, I'll figure it out. But, for now, I have a lot to get finished. I have to pack, I'm going to be spending two and a half weeks traveling and with family. I'm sure it will help to give me some perspective.