30,000-39,999 SparkPoints 35,519

Ma, Don't Go!

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

So, I’ve already failed my 21 day challenge. Sheesh, that didn’t take long. It’s my fault; I accept it and will keep trying.

Today, my mother leaves to go to the east coast to help my cousin and his family. Nothing serious has happened, she’s going over there to visit and to help out with his three kids. As much as my mother and I have our issues, I’m going to miss her severely. I cried on Sunday about it, I ate myself into oblivion last night and cried this morning as I said goodbye before I left for work. My mother has been my everything these last few years, one of the only constants in my life that I know I can depend on. Once everyone in my family started dying (that’s literal), we became extremely close and have truly bonded. We’re not perfect by any means, but I now consider myself a mama’s girl.

My mother’s leaving for a month is pretty upsetting to me for a few reasons:
1). I’ll have to deal with my father. Our relationship is rocky and volatile to say the very least. Check out my blog that I wrote a while ago, it’ll tell you all you need to know.
2). I’m now responsible for the daily meals, which I don’t mind at all but it’s time that isn’t going to be my friend. I’m in a choir and a show, which takes away a lot of the cooking time. I’ve been looking up healthy crock pot recipes and healthier alternatives that are quick to cook. We’ll see. While this may not be a big deal to some, it’s huge for me.

Along with that, I’m also beginning to have some difficulty at work which I’m trying not to let get to me. I’m getting a really negative vibe from a lot of my co-workers and in the back of my mind; I think my number may be up. If my job were to let me go, I have no idea of where I’d go or what I’d do. I’ve been at the company for 5 years and while I work hard, I don’t feel like it’s noticed, appreciated or even cared about. Perhaps I’m no longer a fit. A girl who started a year after me (I helped train her) is now my boss and now every single thing I do is scrutinized. They’ve recently hired another girl in our NY office who will be working under my boss. There are meetings I must attend with some of the powers that be, and honestly, I’m just kind of waiting for the day when they let me know. I’ve taken all of my personal affects home in case and have nothing personal except for my oatmeal that I keep in my one of my drawers. If and when they come to let me go, I’ll be ready.

Then there’s always the weight. Always the friggin’ weight. I don’t know where to begin and where to start. Blah, blah, blah. Obese, obese, obese.

Perhaps this is just a hard time of my life, a season I’m going through. I’m considering going back to the weight loss program at my doctor’s to see if it will help me. I don’t know. I’m not giving up by any means, I’m just trying to feel my way through the life I’ve been given. Sometimes I feel like I’m in a maze.
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • BRADMILL2922
    Sorry to hear that you are dealing with some hard times right now emoticon Don't give up...on anything! Sure things may not be going well at work but it sounds like you have kind of mailed it in...don't! You are valuable to them so make sure you show them that! Your mom will be back before you know it. You will be rocking this show and the diet will get there! BELIEVE YOU CAN DO THIS!
    1767 days ago
  • SUGAR0814
    I'm praying for you constantly!! Things will get better at work. Give it your all while you're there. Missing your mom...I understand. I miss mine too. We are 6-7 hours apart & when she does come to visit, I don't want to let her go! I called her last night because I wasn't feeling well. And even though her medical advice didn't work, knowing she was there for me meant the world! Text & call your mom everyday!! She'll appreciate that! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1767 days ago
    Do not look for them to let you go. Go to work with positive thoughts of being WORTHY to keep your job. Do your best and don't give them a reason to let you know. Affirm that you will leave that job when YOU are ready and not a minute earlier. When we accept defeat, the universe will give us exactly what we set our sights on. Turn that around and go to work renewed in the faith that YOU AIN'T GOING NO WHERE!!

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

    And this month will FLY BY!! Your mom will be back before you know it!
    1767 days ago
    Your life plate is too full. This sounds like such a challenging time for you.
    My favorite crockpot meals start with boneless skinless chicken and a jar of salsa or a jar of pre-made spaghetti sauce. Then all you have to do is cook some frozen veggies in the microwave and nuke a package of precooked rice or boil some pasta. Easy.
    Good luck to you.
    1767 days ago
    All is well and well it shall be! Let's keep a positive attitude and believe that everything is going to be all right.

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1767 days ago
  • PICKIE98
    .. skype and free long distance will make mom's trip easier..

    Workplace: IMHO I would just be as nice as I can to everybody, not sucking up, but either make 'em squirm or help keep the job..
    1767 days ago
    My dear, I understand how you feel about your Mom, for sure. No matter how old we are (and I’m 60 . . . OLD! LOL), no matter the difficulties, our Mom is our Mom. My Mom is 85, has Alzheimer’s and it is definitely as Maria Shriver described it . . . the LONG goodbye, but there should be another word in there, PAINFUL! It is very painful. Anyway . . . my point is you’re feelings are NORMAL.

    You’ve had a lot of losses and that just adds to that “feeling” with your Mom being gone for a month. You’re only human!

    Daily meals – is there ANYTIME you could do big batch cooking and freeze some meals? Crock pot meals are awesome! DO continue getting recipes as again, it saves time and the meals are wonderful.

    Work issues – OMG. All I can tell you is if you have that “feeling” about your job, my advice would be, if it were me, I’d be looking, looking, looking (not that you haven’t already been, I’m sure), but the idea is prepare yourself. Now that said, I don’t know if you can EVER really prepare for such an event, but you do the best you can. By taking home your personal effects, it seems to me like you have definitely started that process. It is NOT EASY. DH was laid off in October (at age 61) and is now 62. Can I tell you . . . age discrimination in his particular case is rampant, but it seems like in this job market there’s ALWAYS one way or another that happens. Unfortunately. Anyhow, the idea is, just be prepared as best you can.

    Weight – my dear, you know how stress affects that. ‘Nuff said on that one. But if you have had experience with your Drs. Weight loss program and it was effective for you, it’s certainly worthwhile to explore it again. You are by NO MEANS giving up doing that. So, I can only tell you that if it were me, I’d explore it. Never close your options.

    Ok, as for the maze, yup . . . I’m in one to. BUT here’s the deal. We are aMAZEing women and will work our way through it. Definitely. It is a hard time of life for so many, you are NOT alone, so just want you to know that.


    1767 days ago
  • VJH-W65
    "Calgon take you away " sounds like you need that long bath and 'Me' time.
    Summer let salads be your base
    take clues from the new offerings at Wendys and Mickey Dees.
    Job goes? You were looking for a job when you found that one.
    Start an exercise 10 at work everyone needs ten
    the owner of SP started that way and many co-workers joined him. emoticon

    1767 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.