10,000-14,999 SparkPoints 13,893

Summer Break

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Well, I spent the time between my last blog and this one pulling myself back together. I passed all my glasses, with a semester GPA of 3.995. Not bad, considering how broken I was half-way through. I continued seeing my councilor, and I have been started on Abilify. There was mild weight gain, less than 10 pounds and it's coming off. My last therapy session the councilor was concerned I may have body-image issues. I believe I have reality-based body-image issues. I'm seeing room for improvement, not issues with my basic shape. I can be stronger. I can be less plump. Less defined like a marshmallow. She wants me to go ahead and follow my doctor's weight-loss (God, I hate that word, I hate weight) plan for the summer, and then we'll discuss my body attitudes in the fall.

I fell off the blog map because if it wasn't homework, I didn't have time for it. I fell off the exercise map, I'm not sure why. And diet and I still aren't friends.

I want to elaborate why I hate weight. I keep going to my doctors, I'm being carefully examined now that we're actually dealing with my sleep apnea, my PCOS, my Bi-Polar disorder, and my A-Fib (Geeze, does *anything* work in my body?!) Well, the point is, I'm not losing weight, even when I was exercising over 8 hours a week. But I WAS losing inches. My thighs are now the size I want my waist to be---35 inches. I walked into my doctors, I had gained a few pounds, which I could see the nurse making *tch tch* noises about, but I had lost over 16 inches. I'm sorry, but this is part of how my body is built---I don't lose weight. For weeks and weeks, I live on a plateau at first, and that is what makes me so vulnerable and likely to quit. This time, I marched myself down to the curves and offered to pay the visitor's fee, just to have them measure me. And measure me they did. Now we're measuring me every month, and I'm losing inches, even though my weight stays stubbornly stuck. I guess it's one of my health issues. I'm also losing fat pounds, as judged by a little hand-held machine that tests my electricity. I lost a whole 3 pounds of fat last time I went in! That's almost a pack of butter!

That being what it is, now that my sleep apnea has me ready to go forward with the machine, the sleep clinic doctor set up an actual weight loss plan with me. A plan of 2 pounds a week for the next 12 weeks, with a goal of about 15 pounds in the end. Wiggle room. It feels over whelming. What's stranger, is it feels logical. This isn't like the last time a doctor told me to lose weight. I don't feel alone. I don't feel like she's kicking me out of the harbor. I feel like I have partners. I feel like I have a team. I have 6 doctors: a family physician, an ob-gyn, a cardiologist, a sleep specialist, a therapist, a psychiatrist. And I am truly not alone.

My first "long term goal" is to get out of the "morbidly" obese range. BMI is not the best solution for the end result, but for now, it's a starting point.

It's summer break, and I don't go back to work or school until June. I'm going to spend the next few weeks getting healthy (I caught a cold) and getting my house back into the order I want it to be. I have a small garden going, and I'm going to try to keep it alive. I'll try not to over eat and hit the gym, too. Small steps. Small steps.
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
    1440 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1440 days ago
    You have came along way and you will do great!
    I think with the support and the right people in your life to keep you on top of the daily things and foods you will be ok.
    If you have some dvd videos for fun work outs or kick boxing you will have fun and keep going back to it.
    I think losing the inches is great and the other stuff will come after. Inches are important when buying and fitting into clothes.
    Make sure you find things to treat yourself and call a friend to join you.
    I have the sleeping issue also but I just take a sleeping pill. I noticed with good meals all day and keeping the waking up and sleeping schedule and exercising I can have a good night sleep.
    The better your body feels the better your sleep can improve. I like going to the chiropractor 1 time a month and it helps me feel good not stiff and I can relax and feel like I can do things much easier. See better when driving or cleaning the house just being able to move feels good. I also sleep better also.
    Keep up the good work. Have a journal for your tracking and how you feel that day and why. If you have better days read back and see if you can reinvent that day but change it up a little bit.
    Cleaning out the things you don't and just sitting around. You can have a yard sale make some money and only have what you really need and use. Update colors in your place and make a work out spot. If you have less to do around the house you will have more time for you and fun. Redoing your kitchen, take out foods and kitchen stuff that you don't you or would like to and bring it closer to the front.
    I hope your garden looks awesome and you can enjoy as long as possible.
    Stay focused and take care of you and have fun too!
    1440 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

More Blogs by OBIONE686