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Halfway There

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

This will be the most personal blog I've ever posted on Spark People. perhaps, the most personal anywhere.

The title has a tale to tell. A sad, yet infinitely hopeful tale of depression and forgiveness.

I was not always depressed and obese. Far from it. I had a brilliant, happy childhood. My teen years were not filled with angst and rebellion.

I weighed about 135 from my 16th year until I was about 29.

1989 brought some not unexpected, but devastating changes and challenges to my life. My closest friend and aunt had COPD and her health declined rapidly. In and out of hospitals, her refusal to stop smoking (menthols!), and her incredible weight gain from steroids just beat her down.

In July 1989, my beloved Pop (maternal grandfather / adoptive father) had a stroke. He was 87 and it began his decline.

I lost a couple of cousins at this time, too. By the time 1995 ended, I counted 27 family members gone. Including my aunt, my Pop, and my Nanie (maternal grandmother / adoptive mother) who was my special angel and best friend on this earth.

Anyway, in 1989, I began to search for comfort. A comfort I could reach for and control. That was food. That was my crutch. That was my downfall.

Even though I gave birth to a wonderful daughter in 1992, my need to escape sad memories and grief was too much. Food was my way of running away from it all. I ran so far... and gained so much weight. I left the hospital after giving birth at 174 pounds. Still manageable. Six months later, I was at 200 and I never looked back.

I finally topped out somewhere in the low 300s. I don't know for sure because I refused to step on a scale.

In February of 2009, something finally clicked and I began to make a few changes. I tossed the sodas and began drinking water. Just a small change, but I could feel a difference. Then... in March... I had a dangerous situation occur: my blood pressure spiked. I didn't even know I had HBP! It was 230 / 200. Stroke range.

When the nurse weighed me, I was at 288. Wait... I've LOST weight? Yep... just from that one change. No sodas, no non-nutritional calories.

The Doctor put me on several meds and advised to me to follow a sensible diet program.

That's when I found Spark People. It was (and still is) a God-send to me. I tracked everything I ate, drank my water, walked, exercised, participated... and lost 66 pounds by December 2009. I was halfway there. Halfway to my goal weight. I think the last time I weighed (for several years), I was at 232.

January 2010 brought yet another round of unexpected, devastating changes. I stopped coming to Spark People. I started drinking sodas. I stopped tracking my food and stopped walking. From a size 18 to a 1X... 2X... and here I am in 2014, wearing a 3X again.

Several weeks ago, I was watching the show, My 600 Pound Life, on TLC. I guess I watched 3 or 4 episodes in a row. I turned to my husband and said, "There but for the Grace of God, go I". He responded, sadly but with truth empowered, "You're halfway there."

Talk about a wake-up call! He was right. It was the truth. I was halfway to a 600 pound life.

The very next day, I cleaned out my fridge, tossed the sodas, and made a brand-new shopping list. I weighed 291 pounds.

That was a few short weeks ago. Today, I've been back at Spark People for a few weeks now and today, I weigh 277.

It's going to take dedication and commitment. I need to lose 137 pounds to reach my goal of 140. That's a lot of fat to lose. To be "halfway there", I will need to lose 68.5 pounds.

I can do that. I can do anything I set my mind to do. I am strong. I am truth empowered. I am ready to let go of the pain and sorrow of grief and loss. Most of all, I am ready to face my failures, learn from my mistakes, and move forward in a spirit of joy and self-acceptance.

Thank you, Spark People, for offering this place of safe refuge and support. Thank you for the encouragement, the trackers, the teams, the recipes, and everything else that you provide to help us. I don't know if I could do this without you.


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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Terri, I loved your blog. I am so happy that you are in such a positive mindset. You CAN do this! I'll be here to support you! Now, get out there and get moving! lol emoticon
    1502 days ago
    Thank you for sharing, your determination is an inspiration... I can't wait to see you make it all the way!
    1502 days ago
    emoticon I am sorry for all those you lost in such a short time. You are doing amazing now, I am sure they would all be so proud of you. I am proud of you. Overcoming life's changes is a difficult struggle at times. You might have been half way to 600 lbs, but you are all the way in for getting back to a healthy weight. Don't ever give up, you can do this.
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    1503 days ago
    Thanks so much for sharing this story. You have control of the outcome. Hang tough!

    1503 days ago
  • BEFIT018
    This is a wonderful site! The people here are SO encouraging! But, of course, you have to meet the halfway. AND YOU ARE CERTAINLY DOING THAT!!!! emoticon

    emoticon You CAN Do This!
    emoticon You WILL Do This!!!
    1503 days ago
  • NMNEWWMN are very brave to post such a personal blog. Thank you. It really shows how hard consistency is, which is where the key is. I, too, will probably look at this blog again and again to remind me of how easy it is to get away from this journey, God bless you for having the courage to start over and not look back. You are doing it and helping others on the way. emoticon
    1503 days ago
    Terri - this was a strong statement. I won't say you can do it, because you ARE doing it! Way to go, gurl! This was a strong motivational blog and I will probably read it a few times to find the strength to continue as well.

    Good luck to you - stay strong. You have already won!! emoticon emoticon
    1503 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1503 days ago
  • MJRVIC2000
    You can do it! God Bless YOU! Vic.
    1503 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.