This week has taught me a lot!
I haven't been as active as I normally am due to my work schedule. 12 hour days make things difficult, not including the horrendous hours of traffic I sat in this week (I live in LA).
I did great yesterday, below 1550 calories. But today. Well, today I was at 2500. I am noticing if I eat something carb-y in the morning, I am ravenous the entire day. Today was no exception. I think I really need to start my day off with eggs or greek yogurt. I find that when I do, I am calm, I make better choices and my day ends below 1600 calories. When I have carbs, like this morning I had a gluten-free, vegan apple muffin, my appetite is out of control and all I want to do is eat.
Despite all this...Sitting in traffic today, I found myself asking myself the same question I've been asking over the last 26+ years. Why haven't you lost this weight? What is stopping you? Fear is one thing. Fear of losing an identity I've had my entire life. Fear of becoming attractive to men. Fear of...well, frankly fear of getting everything I want. And, what do I need to do to get what I want in life? Easy. Work for it.
Work for it.
But, I'm doing that. Right? Well, except for the calories/points. But I got the exercise, water, healthy guidelines down!
But, I am not really working for it then, am I?
So why am I not doing what I need to do??? What is holding me back? Me! I'm holding me back. Me and my fears. I AM willing to work for it. I know because I have had a lot of attempts that ended up being false starts. I have gone for 10 weeks, exercising 5+ days a week...but that darn fork! I can exercise Biggest Loser style and still not end up losing weight if I don't get my food straight. That is the key for me.
I find comfort in food. I know this. I have also just realized something tho this week...when I am really tired, I don't go to bed. Oh no! Not this girl!. I eat something and for some ridiculous reason, I try to stay up and keep going. Why not going to bed early? I dunno. I was watching my mom the other night....and then my dad the following night. Guess what they do when they are tired? They start snacking. Ding, ding, ding! There is where I learned it. I am the only one who can unlearn it for myself tho...
It sounds so silly when you think about it. If your tired, you rest. Tired doesn't equal food. That's hungry! Hungry, Kristi! I think the other thing I find awkwardly funny is that at 35 (almost 36), I am learning for the first time, what emotions are which. I really could never decipher because I would distract with food, tv or keeping myself busy.
It's an amazing journey to take when you realize that weight loss isn't about food or exercise, but your brain! I know it will come off me slowly, but I know that I am working on the behaviors that got me here. Because of that, I know that I will maintain my loss for years to come.
There are not enough exercise hours in the day to outrun the damage a fork can do in mere minutes!