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Back from the brink of death

Saturday, May 03, 2014

May sound like a cruel headline...but it is true, literally.

Before you read on...I will make this matter what you may think of what I had done here..let me say it in no uncertain terms, that I would do it all over the same way...IF it meant I was able to be home with my dog when it counted !!!!!!!

I have been sick a long time, I have mentioned about my legs off and on..but the Drs. didn't have an explanation at the time.
I was getting really sick, but told no one...WHY? because I didn't want to leave my dog (Brownie) who was 14 yrs old and on his death bed too. I had promised I wouldn't leave him..I needed to be there when he finally went.
Well, the beginning of March my symptoms began to show to my friends. I had been hiding the fact that my legs had open sores and were draining very badly.Do you know the feeling of water dripping down the back of your legs when you get out of the pool or shower and haven't quite dried off all the way. Well, that was how my legs were everyday. In fact I hadn't been able to lay down in bed for about 2 months, because my legs were that I sat on the edge of the bed and slept.
My friends started to notice that I was getting incoherent at times and I kept saying that I was sleeping a lot during the day ( which I never do).Well, after about 2 weeks of this they were getting scared. I kept putting them off, they wanted me to go to the hospital...but I couldn't and wouldn't leave Brownie.
When they heard I wasn't going on the computer anymore ( because I wasn't feeling well) they really got worried.

March 23 - I was talking to my adopted daughter and she said, either you let me call an ambulance now, or I'll call the cops and have them take you. I was to the point where I knew I had to go..because I couldn't walk or eat, or do anything I reluctantly agreed.
I thought just go up, get looked at and come back home. Didn't work out that way.

I was in ICU for 4 and out of consciousness not doing much of anything but laying there. ..being hooked up to bottle upon bottle of IV and antibiotics.
When I was able to understand them..the Drs. told me that if I had waited till the morning to come in... I would of been dead.

I was totally dehydrated, my kidney's had shut down and my blood went septic from the infection in my legs. They had to give me a Dialysis treatment to kick start the kidney's again.and clear my blood. Luckily it worked and there was no lasting damage.

I have what is called--- Lymphedema ---

Septic -

My body temp dropped so low that they had me using a heating mechanism that blew in warm air to try and raise my temp....It took 2 days. My blood pressure severely dropped.. ( and I've always had really high BP)..they had to give me different BP meds to try and get it to raise up to near normal.
After all this time..they say it is normal now..but it is really low for me.

I was then transferred to a floor till April 1...when I was sent to a Skilled Nursing Unit till April 30. I've done therapy to start to walk again.(which is progressing very slowly) but I'm moving.

I had a Foley catheter in for several now I have very little control of my bladder..and must use diapers and pull ups till I get control back.

What amazes me the most is that after being fed all that liquid to rehydrate me...I get to the care unit and their Dr. puts me on 80 mg of Lasix...which they later cut down to 60 mg.
I tried to argue them out of it..but to no avail. I will not be taking them at home.

I had Physical Therapy and Occupational Therapy there..good thing I made some progress...cause I had to climb 17 steps to get back in the house..

I am trying to settle in again...but it is rough.Having lots of trouble getting around is the real eating sandwiches for awhile.
Friends told me in the hospital that they would pack up whatever they were having for supper in Tupperware and send some up to me...not to worry about having to cook...well, I've been home since the 30th...and not one drop of "cooked" food has come this way..and I don't expect any !!!!!

Nurses have been out and therapist.. I told nurse that I am starting to feel like I did when I was dehydrated...due to all those we are keeping a watch on my BP and body temp, and heart beats. I am not urinating much at all...they say to keep drinking...but that cause the other problem of making it to the bathroom on time !!!!

As for my legs, the swelling is down, the wounds are healing up. My legs are wrapped from the top of the toes to my knees in bandages.

This is a permanent condition..I have been told..and will have to be watching for relapses from now on.

Between them wanting me to keep my feet up to reduce the swelling...they want me to move around as much as possible too. You figure that one out !

I don't know what else I should be telling you on here, that I'm forgetting?

Oh, the way --- what really has me so upset and angry..Is that Brownie had to be put to sleep while I was in the skilled care unit.April 8.
That was what I really dreaded and put my self in danger for...what I didn't want to happen..happened. I will never forgive myself for not being there for him and in his blind/deaf/ dying condition was left alone in the house for hours..till people came to put him out.
I know he was scared and wondered why I left him when he really needed me the most.
I will never forgive myself for leaving him and it will haunt me always.
If I had to do it over again..I would of put him down sooner (if I knew I would be hospitalized)or I would of just stayed home and gone with him...that wouldn't have bothered me.
I have lost all 3 babies nothing is the same here.

I have been sitting for awhile better go lay down now.
Thanks for reading this...I know I can be long- winded..that's why I don't Blog too often...not enough space to store it all here..
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    OMG reading that I was amazed you pulled through but God had a reason for you not to leave us yet

    emoticon emoticon
    1443 days ago
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    1445 days ago
  • DANLIN60
    God Bless You Mary Ann, you have been through so much, please take care of yourself and make sure that you have the right people caring for you. I feel so bad for you on your loss of Brownie but he is now running over the Rainbow bridge with all the other dogs that have passed before him. he knows how much you loved him and you had no control over what happened.

    Please take care of yourself,


    1447 days ago
  • CINDYC74
    I have lymphedema and the one thing i have learned is most doctors do not know how to deal with it or treat it, LASIX is the worst thing to be taking for it....You need to be seeing a vascular surgeon as he is the proper doctor that can treat it, you need leg therapy leg wrapping and leg will not pee, because the lasix is creating fluid in the lymphatic system its totally different then edema- first thing you need to:

    stop eating any and all processed foods
    quit any soda if you are drinking anything
    sodium is going to make it worse...You will want to lower your sodium intake if you got soy sauce in your house get rid of it now kiss it goodbye with this condition you can't have it..
    you need to get those legs moving little movements don't just sit there getting up every hour even if its just for 5-10 minutes you have to do this
    swimming is great for this condition
    .i can write abook about this right now to you...Message me and ill be glad to help you out with everything i know
    1447 days ago
    Oh my goodness, how horrible. So much I could say and want to say. First, please take care of you. Your babies would want that.

    Now most importantly, I feel I understand. I truly do. My boy Utah is with your Brownie. Utah passed March 29th. He was only 3 years and 3 months old. I too feel horrible for not being here for him. In my case, we were actually to blame. We were not here to give him his meds. I however have to believe that this happened for a reason that I do not understand. There could be so many reasons that I won't go into now.

    Bottom line is that Brownie truly felt, heart and sole the love you had and gave. Brownie knew that you needed help and care. I truly believe that. It may be that Brownie was hanging in for you as you were for him. My gild Aspen did just that. She stayed barely breathing. Once I finally left her side to lay on the couch (3 years ago May 10th) she finally let go.

    They love us unconditionally and fully. They want the very best for us and would hurt intensely in they felt we were blaming ourselves. I know it is hard and impossible at time to not think that way but please try. I know that I can not live with the blame. It is simply to painful. I have to try.

    Thinking of you and wishing you the very best.
    1447 days ago
    Your experience reads like a nightmare! I do hope things will start to improve for you soon. Am so sorry you lost Brownie on top of everything else. Only wish you the best!

    Helen emoticon
    1448 days ago
  • SHERRY528
    OH MY GOSH, Mary Ann!!!---I AM SOOO SORRY for ALL YOU'VE GONE THRU!!! And my heart is so with you about losing your beloved Fur Baby---I so pray that you'll find Peace tho, Dear Angelfinder-in realizing THAT IS INDEED what you were/ARE to each of those precious Ones you took in and loved with every bit of you---ALMOST TO the point of your very own sacrifice of literal SELF---Know they wouldn't have wanted that from you-your Brownie would have wanted his Momma TO GO AND BE TAKEN CARE OF! I'm sure he was so glad you did. Especially "now"---when his suffering is over and he is in a better place-he wants YOU to be ok---He would want you to know you did EVERY BIT ALL THAT YOU COULD. He KNOWS HOW MUCH YOU LOVED HIM.
    In losing my Keith in Dec, I so know how EVERYDAY you MISS him-how very TENDER the feelings are-the hurt in your heart-and I care.
    Please take care of you and do exactly as the doctor's tell you to---You "do" have to be your own advocate and be informed-but then discuss any concerns you have and give them a chance to explain "why" they believe you must pursue a course you may not be sure of such as your lasix---it's so important to regulate that fluid-yet I know it can flush vital balances as well such as electrolytes-so you're wise to be vigilant-but please don't just "stop". Be VERY INVOLVED AND IN-TOUCH with your Dr---Promise???...
    As I said, I CARE ABOUT YOU and don't want ANY MORE problems for you.
    I can't believe all that happened-again, SOO SORRY, Mary Ann.
    "I" thank you, too, for sharing with us-there was so much in this blog of you and your feelings. Stay close to those around you who care about you-don't shut them out-and stay close to us, your Friends here-it'll get better, Mary Ann-Hold on. Bye for now-Sherry P.S--where was the post 'bout the Rainbow Bridge??? I've looked everywhere...
    1448 days ago

    Comment edited on: 5/4/2014 1:06:54 AM
  • BIBS4664
    Thank you for trusting us with your story. I agree with the post about the rainbow bridge. Gentle healing hugs.Mary
    1448 days ago
    Oh my!
    You have gone through so very much. I am so sorry that things turned out the way that they did. Know that your dear Brownie will be waiting for you at the Rainbow Bridge, so that you can cross together when that time comes.

    Wishing you the best of health and healing,
    Warm hugs,

    1448 days ago
    God Bless you. Take good care of yourself. I'm sorry for losing(3 babies).

    1448 days ago
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