getting over it (?)
Tuesday, April 29, 2014
i have learned to hate that expression "get over it".
I think it is possibly the worst thing that one could say to another--- okay, maybe not THE worst thing that someone could say to you but talk an extraordinarily concise way of telling some "i don't give a sh-t about what you are going through right now and although you have tried to confide in me, ask my opinion, or simply get something off your chest, because i am supposed to be at least your friend, i have nothing helpful to say to you, and i am not willing to show you that i have a remotely emotional response to your need for someone to be caring and understanding for you right now so i am going to say something flatly useless and emotionally meaningless, that not only will hurt you because i have no desire to help you alleviate the stress you are feeling, but is likely to cause even more emotional harm than you are already feeling".... THAT is what "get over it" means to me.
--- but i guess (reluctantly) i am learning to do just that.
I haven't lost weight in a long time, and I HAVE been trying. I have realized that the CONCRETE barrier of weight loss for me has been LARGELY more emotional, which has led to physical barriers. I have allowed someone to become my single emotional hitching post. I moved FAR away from all my friends and my direct family because this person claimed to care for me, and since then I practically (NOT LITERALLY) have had to beat all ---four--- emotional responses I have gotten out of this person. This, and I am SURE i am not the only person to say this, much less the only person to think this, IS NOT my life. THIS is NOT what being in a relationship is supposed to be like. I have a glorified roommate, NOTHING more. And, I allowed myself to still rely on this person for all the things I would have relied on them for, plus a substitution of being around friends and family.
I could spend DAYS, not just paragraphs describing that, but I won't, not this time.
The point I am getting around to today is that, I am not going to do that anymore. Or should I say, I am not going to allow myself to do that to MYSELF anymore. Otherwise known as, if you don't need me I don't need you. I am still living in this house, with this person but I am not expecting anything more than roommatedness, in all aspects.
Now that I can fix the fact that I have blamed all fault of my BS relationship on myself and caused my own negative emotional state (I am not taking any more responsibility for trying to "fix" things anymore, you don't wanna put some EFFORT into not being my ROOMMATE anymore, i'm not going to care anymore, I am not doing anything wrong and i am not going to make myself feel bad for it any longer). I have things to do.
A life to live, a family that wants nothing more than to see me happy and healthy, and things are going to change. One step at a time, but I will not live invisible anymore.