Depression or not life goes on and this weekend was no different. While I wasn’t feeling well enough to go to dinner with a friend Thursday and see a friend’s show Friday, I could not miss the benefit on Saturday night and a friend’s wedding on Sunday. Once Saturday rolled around (after a mini meltdown because I miscalculated my budget for the next two weeks), I was numb emotionally, but got myself dressed to go.
It was amazing.
I got so many compliments on my dress, it was so nice and really lifted my spirits.
A wonderful time was had by all, including our sponsors and attendees. With this benefit, my theatre company wiped out our debt and will be ready to go once fall rolls around. It was blessing to get to sing with Mary Wilson (of the Supremes), Tracie Thomas (actress from RENT the musical), Sean Hayes, Wendie Malick and the fabulous Betty White. The entire evening was nothing but love and positivity. My “job” for the night was bartending along with 5 others and altogether we made over $500 in tips that we got to keep! After finding out I had no money earlier in the day, getting $85 was a definite blessing. Around 1am I walked through the CBS lot shoes in hand. Nothing but the world 'thankful' ran through my mind.
While my fellow company members and I were singing on stage, I had a moment of clarity when I watched an acquaintance of mine lightly push others out of her way so that she could be in front of the line (which included MARY WILSON). As a side, this person does this all of the time and she pushes her way in front no matter what the occasion. If she’s in a room full of people, she must be the center of attention. If the night isn’t about her, it will be because somehow, some way she’ll figure out a way to make everyone aware of her presence. Her boobs usually make an entrance as well.
Every actor I know wants to be famous, successful. Every actor wants to work consistently and constantly. At the end of the day, when you lay your head at night what will you have accomplished by acting the way she does? Reputation is everything in show business. I’ve seen fellow actors get gigs simply because they were wonderful to work with (I’ve been that actor several times), even if they weren’t the best of the best. No one wants to spend time with a group of nasty, mean-spirited people. Duh right? Anyway, back to my revelation. The real point of doing this crazy thing called show business is the ability to do my craft well (I hope) and surround myself with amazing people. Using others as your stepping stone is not the way to go and certainly will come back to you 10 fold (it has happened to me more than once unfortunately).
Humility is key. Love is essential. Respect is deserved.
If I continue to be myself, stay dedicated to my craft and treat others with respect I’ll do far better than someone who doesn’t. This blog is not to say that I’m better than she is, but it simply reminded me to stay the course, to not give up. If this is where I’m meant to be, then I’ve got to keep going and I have to stay true to what is essentially MissB8604. If my being kind to others, dedicated to my work and putting 200% into everything got me to where I am today, I shouldn’t stop. Life has been very hard for me lately, but I can’t forget all of the positive things. This past Saturday night showed me that.
I need to embrace myself; embrace where my life is right now and how things are right now. No, things aren’t where I’d like to be, but accepting it will certainly help me make the ride a lot less bumpy. Be grateful for who you are, and do the best you can. One day you’ll find yourself in better company doing what you love (or at least getting there). Accepting myself is one of the hardest things that I’ve ever had to do (right next to losing 100lbs), I’m not even sure where to begin but I am at least dedicated to making the first few steps.
A dear friend of mine (on the left in 1st picture) and his partner of 12 years got married yesterday. I was honored to have been invited and it was a beautiful day for them both.
Depression or not life goes on.