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Showing up like it's my job

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Monday, April 21, 2014

I haven't written a blog in a very, very long time, though admittedly I write one every nite in my own head and then run out of time the next day when my ideas are fresh. But today I am using a school comp day - one I earned for doing some extra work during the summer - and am at home trying to play catch up with life. I am amazed at how very little it feels like I've accomplished, though if you saw the two videos DH and I put together for friends and family you may disagree with that statement.

A week ago we got back from New Orleans - we were there for the wedding of a former student, to celebrate our 25th anniversary, and to play tourist at the French Quarter Festival. We managed to walk over 42 miles in the 5 days we were there (and we even lifted weights in the hotel workout room twice), we ate what we wanted but were still mindful, and we had an amazing time. And this was the very first vacation where I wanted my picture taken!

It's been one year now since I've been at my lowest weight, and while I have sometime in May marked as my Maintenance Anniversary, I've managed to stay at this weight for over a year, only during the winter holidays gaining back up to 8 lbs. I treat each day as it's another day to be my best self - to eat right, to exercise, and to lead by example. Last May I got rid of all of my clothes that were "big", knowing that if I had them 'round I could fit into them "if I had to." I've joined challenges, virtual walking groups, and have even initiated walking groups at school with other teachers. I've had to do this, if for no one else than me. NONE of this was about dieting. EVER. It wasn't about just losing the weight. It was about living longer, enjoying time with my husband (who is already one of the most active people I know, and at 17 years older than me was destined to outlive me if I didn't make some changes). It became about "showing up everyday" as Jillian Michaels says. There are days that I ache - my hips, my feet, my knee. You name it. I've come to accept that I am going to be 50 in a few months (though inside my head I still see myself as somewhere around my 40s - and the "Real Age Test" has me pegged at 42.8). But I do what I need to do. I count my calories. I track my fitness. I leave my husband love notes around the house, reminding him of how much I appreciate him for being my best friend and for loving me so deeply for the past 26 years. I show up every day as if it's my one job. And honestly, some days I sure wouldn't mind calling in sick or playing hookey!

This past weekend my brother and his wife came down for a visit - we haven't seen them for a few years - and we took them out to try SUP. Because it was on my SILs bucket list, DH videotaped the whole thing. I was shocked to see the footage and see myself. And yesterday, for the first time in many, many years, the whole family was together. I am hoping my dad sends some pics so I can post at least one of my brothers and me. All three of us have been working to get healthy this past year and it shows. I loved being with them and am sad today thinking it may not happen again anytime soon. Time truly does fly, doesn't it? Where has this past year without my dear Auggie gone?

On a final note, I don't believe in luck. I don't consider myself lucky to live where I do, or have the job that I have, or to be in such amazing relationships. I believe we all have the ability to put ourselves out into the world and live the life we want to live. We may have obstacles to overcome along the way (or hurdles to jump, as one of my students put it), but we can all jump high if we get a running start.

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