Honesty.

I can't believe it's been two years since I've been on Spark People. I would love to sit here and say I'm at my goal weight and my health is amazing, but the reality is I'm back to square one. I'm lost. So I decided to be honest with myself and come back. This is not easy.

Here's where I am now: I'm struggling with my fibromyalgia again. I also have a herniated disk in my low back (L5) and I now have tendonitis in my knees and shoulders. I'm in pain. Plain and simple. The idea of working out in a gym is too much. So I've been going to an aquatic therapy exercise program. I get some movement a few times a week in an attempt to strengthen my body, but it isn't enough to see any weight loss. I'm wishing I was still in my early 20's, going to kickboxing and spin classes- but that's not where I am.

As for my health: In addition to the fibromyalgia, I have allergies and asthma to contend with and I keep getting fungal infections on my skin and nails. I've also been suffering from IBS again. I was even diagnosed with arthritis in my SI joint. So in other words, I'm an inflamed mess. I feel gross.

So here I am. I'm feeling desperate. It's been years since I've read Eat to Live and my plan this week is to reread the book. I picked up the new cookbook yesterday and I'm going to research recipes. I need to lose weight and get the inflammation under control. I can't live with this pain. I feel sick all the time and that doesn't work for me. I'm angry- mostly at myself - that I can't seem to get it together.

Small steps. I need to do this for myself and my quality of life.