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Returning, maybe? (Also, a few baby pics!)

Friday, April 18, 2014

I honestly don't think I've been away from my blog for this long before. There's no way to do an update and no reason to.

Life is amazing. I love my daughter, I love my husby, I love my job, I love my activist work, I love my home.

My body....... not so much.

I returned to good habits several times. I'd get into a habit of exercising at least 10 min. a day for a week... and then something crappy would happen. First, Jo got really sick, so all my energy went into looking after her and helping her sleep. Then, I got what Jo had and it turned into a major sinus infection that lasted two weeks. That was in January. In February, I got back into the habit for a week, and then Miles and I got food poisoning; a week later, we went to visit Miles' family. So I fell out of the habit again. I got back into the habit a couple weeks later, really focusing on my abs because I was getting a backache. Week and a half later, I herniated a disc in my back.

That was a month ago. I'm only now able to walk and sit pain-free. I was going to do physical therapy, but I guess my insurance company said no because my doctor's office never called me with a referral.

It's been really hard.

Whenever someone says "breastfeeding is great, and you lose the weight faster," I want to hurt them slowly. Breastfeeding was the worst (while some women talk about pumping 12 oz. at a time, I was lucky to get 5.), and I was one of those anomalies who doesn't lose any weight from nursing. Nope, it just made me hungry and thirsty and in a lot of pain. So I finally stopped in late February, at which point my period came back and I did start to lose a little of the baby weight. But then the slipped disc happened, and I am back where I started.

Literally. I'm 15lbs shy of my highest ever weight (207), and 5 lbs higher than I was when I joined Spark People back in 2008. (Or was it 9? Whatever).

It's depressing, yeah. More depressing is how weak my core is, and how walking at 3mph is as tiring as running 5.5mph used to be. Because that's what happens when you can't exercise for so long.

I know that my body can and will bounce back, eventually. "Bounce" is probably the wrong word -- "inch its way back" is probably more appropriate. Because this is going to take a long time. Miles works at 2:30am (until May 12) so I am alone with Jo every morning, so exercise is hard to fit in. But I can do my best to eat better. I'm already working on being MINDFUL of when and what I eat, and knowing when I'm really hungry vs. bored. I'm ready to recommit to walking regularly, working my way up to aerobics and running, and doing lots of planks (because I'm afraid to do any other ab work cuz of my back) to help my core.

The #1 thing I know that will work, but I can't get myself to commit to, is Paleo. I KNOW I function better on a Paleo diet. I KNOW this. I know a Whole 30 would be an amazing jump-start for me and would boost my confidence while jump-starting this change. But the fact is, I don't have TIME to cook and eat Paleo all the time. I'm still really struggling to find time to cook a proper meal after work -- I rely on the crock pot, frozen staples like tortellini, and quick fixes like tacos. A Whole 30/ Paleo diet takes a LOT of energy and time to do right.

So I have to figure out the diet thing. I'll get there eventually. To start, I just need to make some time to track what I eat. That's the beginning.

Just ten minutes a day. That's all it takes to start a habit.

I can do that, right?

(Oh, and I know you really want to see this -- my lil' sweetie! She's 6 1/2 month now and the. best. She is literally the best and I love her more than anything)

^ Her daycare had a little "picnic" for the little babies!


^ Tummy time is no longer a problem. Jo LOVES rolling around and she's already trying to crawl.



^ Her new fave toy -- a Jumparoo! It was her 1/2 birthday gift.

Isn't she just gorgeous? emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • no profile photo CD6707085
    I like GermanPickle's response because she is so right! I didn't lose during Nursing at all. 3 kids, 2 years of nursing a piece makes 6 years of nursing with nothing to show for the 6 years of "losing from nursing". I was 50 pounds heavier after my 3rd child then I was before I got pregnant the first time. But what I do have to show for it is 3 beautiful, healthy children. I finally came to the realization that eating off their plates because they didn't finish it all was not a good idea. I started to do something about it, but it took me 10 years! Be patient with yourself, and I love your idea of small steps. Honest, they will add up! Just like Jo will experience soon. She will be taking small tentative steps at first, she will fall often, get back up and try again. Then before you know it, she will be running around the house. Watch her and mimic her, but instead of walking, start with changing one bad habit, then get brave and change another. Etc...
    Good luck and much congratulations on a beautiful baby.
    2279 days ago
  • SMOKY_TEA
    Thanks for a great blog. Breastfeeding did not help me to lose weight at all. In spite of all of the lush La Leche promises that you could just top everything you ate with tons of butter and cream, a glance at a piece of spinach would add a pound for me!

    Jo is really beautiful! Enjoy every minute!
    2299 days ago
  • JODNEX
    She is gorgeous! And you are going to figure out a way to make it all work. It's a lot to juggle - being a mom and working outside the home. Start with proper nutrition and small amount of exercise.
    2309 days ago
  • GERMANPICKLE
    She is beautiful!

    You wrote "and I was one of those anomalies who doesn't lose any weight from nursing." which is NOT true. Actually at least half of us who nurse don't just drop the weight without focusing on calories as well. Our bodies are designed to make us hungry - really hungry - while nursing so that we can make sure that both the baby and ourselves stay relatively healthy. I am one of those people as well and it is frustrating to know I'm feeding another human and not losing the weight automatically. I'm part of my nursing circle and more than 2/3 of us don't see the weight just melt off and we are on our second to fifth child respectively. :)
    (also, I nursed my first for almost 2 years and I NEVER dropped the weight from just nursing)

    It does take a LOT of effort to start a specific eating plan, especially when they are focused on specific types of food/drink. However, small changes can make a big impact. :)

    To be honest, there was no way that I could focus on more than settling into being a mom and then a working mom in the first year of my first baby's life. Then we moved and I could be a working mom who was settling up house but not too much more. Funny enough, now, with the second child, it is so much easier for me to find time to cook and exercise regularly. Because I'm ALREADY a mom; I've got this. Now I have the energy and the space to look at being me again.

    I feel like our society act like becoming a mom is something to just "bounce" back from. And it isn't. Being a mom is a fundamental shift of person, of responsibility, of life set-up for the rest of our lives. For women it's a mental, physical, and emotional change that alters us from the ground up and in all aspects of our lives.

    All of that to say, give yourself space. Breathe. You are keeping a human alive. You are learning new skills all the time. New ways of thinking. Be kind to yourself.
    2310 days ago

    Comment edited on: 4/19/2014 1:23:08 AM
  • MAESTROSHASHA
    Welcome back :)
    2310 days ago
  • RAPUNZEL53
    She is gorgeous! Thanks for sharing the pictures. Good Luck on your journey to life long good health!
    2310 days ago
  • MIMIDOT
    Just look at that beautiful little girls of yours! That's reason enough for you to get back to taking care of yourself. Take it easy. One day at a time. YOU CAN DO IT!
    2310 days ago
  • MOTTAMAMALOU
    She is gorgeous and looks like she's a happy baby.

    Give yourself a break and take your time. Things will fall into place for you.

    emoticon
    2310 days ago
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