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The Realization

Tuesday, April 08, 2014

Last entry I was pretty sure I broke my hip. I had not been able to walk really for a couple of days and had been in a lot of pain. I was too embarrassed to see a doctor, so I continued to just deal with pain. It wasn't until I saw a friend (in the medical profession) of mine that I got any relief. "Your hip is dislocated, my friend. Why haven't you seen a doctor? All this time you could have been better." With a few manipulations my hip was clicked back in place and I had instant relief. One minute to fix pain I had been in for a week because I was too embarrassed. To. Ask. For. Help.... Whoa. Wake up call.

The time I have invested on scales, numbers, diets and weight is surmountable and the heaviness of it all is unmeasurable. The emotional aspect of "weight" over the last 17 years, has taken a bigger hold on me then I wanted to believe. I have allowed myself to be in pain for far too long because I was afraid. Afraid of what exactly? I'm not 100% sure but I know I need help in figuring that out.

I rejoined Weight Watchers... Not just online like I previously had, but I committed to weekly meetings. It is easy to hide behind a computer screen, but real open vulnerability in front of other vulnerable people dealing with the same ups and downs, seeing faces and smiles and tears, I think will help me heal some of the hiding I have been doing. I also began counseling to deal with that deep rooted emotion that I also have been hiding.

All of this is terrifying to me and I am ready to be brave.


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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Hope you are recovering fully - I have been there done that and know about being too embarrassed to go to the doctor,
    1477 days ago
    Best wishes to you for success. You were afraid to go to a dr based on past experience. When everything is blamed on your weight, yet you're not given any guidance except, "you're lazy and you're a glutton," of course you don't want to go for a visit. There are caring members of the medical community, and when you find them, hang on to them. It makes a difference. Be kind to yourself whichever path to better health you choose. You are wonderful.
    1477 days ago
    Awesome and insightful post. Thanks for sharing.
    1477 days ago
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