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Learning to trust the process and ditching my unproductive thoughts!

Sunday, April 06, 2014

Over the last week, we have had earthquakes pretty regularly here. I am very fearful of them and I have been on edge, not really eating and sleep has been terrible. I am extremely grateful that things have settled down a bit, for the time being. Not eating properly and no sleep has actually put me up in weight by about 5lbs! I am one pound away from my highest weight. Not exactly thrilled about that.

But, it made me realize a few things. There is a lot in my life that I still want. And, those things are not out of my reach, but I am not reaching for them.I want to be a healthy weight so I can be more active, travel and feel confident. Confident enough to allow myself to fall in love. I still want that, even at 35! We've all heard the phrase, "Get out of your own way." Nothing could be said that is truer for me! I am the one in my way, I am the one holding me back.

I am always happy to be a cheerleader for my friends losing weight (and I have a few that are doing fabulously and I am so proud of them!). However, I don't encourage myself. In fact, I think I sabotage myself. My thinking is where it all stems from.

Somewhere along the line, I came up with all these crazy thought patterns or processes, about losing weight, which SOLELY pertain to me and nobody else. If you have tried to lose weight many times before, maybe you can relate? Here are some of those thoughts that often run through my head...

* Exercise only counts if I do an hour. At the gym. And I am sweaty.
* Well, I already blew my lunch, might as well eat what I want for dinner and start over tomorrow.
* I can have ___ for lunch, I'll just have a plain salad for dinner. (This very rarely works out).
* Let me try to lose what I gained before going back to WW so it doesn't show in my weight tracker.
* I'm not "that" fat. (What does this even mean?!)
* I exercised today, so I can have _____ -OR- I deserve ____ because I exercised today.
* Maybe I should just quit WW, I am wasting my money if I am not sticking to it. (When I leave, I gain).
* Maybe I should go back to WW, I do better because I am spending the money.
* I don't need to pay for anything, I can use SP and exercise on my own. I don't need a trainer or gym membership.
* If I pay for this, I will do better because I am putting money out there. I definitely need a trainer and a gym membership.
* I will start running after I buy a good pair of shoes. And running clothes too. I will get those with my next pay check. (Never happens).
* There is nothing off plan (food wise), so I can have ____. (But, ___ leads to ___, etc.)
* I would exercise more if classes were at more convenient times. I am going to get a Groupon for a Yoga Studio or {exercise class of the moment}.
* That's about right (when measuring something, but in actuality it is totally off).
* I've been on WW for so many years, I don't need to track. I know what I am doing.
* I'm doing everything right, but I am still not losing!? (Yeah, right...I know better!)
* I need to cut sugar out of my diet, cold turkey. There is no other way.

All of these thoughts are SO ILLOGICAL! Some even contradict each other. The truth of the matter is this.
1) I need to track my food on SP and WW (because my doc wants calorie counts).
2) I need to exercise every day. Period. Regardless of where or how sweaty. I am missing consistency here.
3) Measure my food! I am not good at eyeballing, my portions grow.
4) I am addicted to sugar, so I need to find a way to incorporate a small treat each night. Maybe Dove Dark Chocolate?
5) I need to stay at WW for the support, the encouragement and to get on the scale in front of someone else. It keeps me accountable, much more than being on my own.
6) I know what healthy eating is. Just cause WW allows you to eat Cheetos, doesn't mean you should. I need to incorporate more fruits and veggies in my snacks and curb the processed foods since there is no nutrition there for my body.
7) I don't need a trainer or a gym membership. If I really want to lose weight, I will. A trainer and a gym are not requirements. However, I do enjoy classes, so I need to start utilizing my gym membership more often.
8) No matter how much I KNOW about weight loss, how to lose, exercise and nutrition.... knowledge does not equal weight loss. Action does. I need to put what I know into action to see the results I want.
9) Be realistic. I am not going to lose 90 lbs by May. Intentions, wishes and hope won't lose the weight either. I am going to have to work at reaching my goal each and every day and forget about what will happen in the future. Be realistic and be present.
10) Be KIND to ME! I speak terribly to myself. It's time to be a little nicer and to be as supportive, encouraging and understanding to myself as I am with my friends.

Really what it comes down to is do the work and trust the process!

Today is a new start for me and I will do my best each and every day. Goals are usually accomplished more successfully when you write them down,so...

My goal is to lose 2-3 pounds a week, for a total of 39 pounds by July 12th. (I have my cousin's wedding to attend).

I know this might not be so helpful to others, but just the act of writing it and posting helps. Therefore, I just want to thank you for listening!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I loved this blog! I definitely say all the same things to myself (though in my head, it's TWO hours at the gym - and who's going to do that?!). Glad to know I'm not the only one! Thanks for sharing.


    1478 days ago
  • KELAN5
    I am soooo glad you are determined to get back on track! I would suggest (just something that's worked for me) that you work on going a little slower with the weight loss. I try to plan for one pound per week. If more comes off, great (it often does!). If not, that's okay too. It seems slow, but even five pounds a month looks impressive to most people and the time goes by shockingly fast. Exercising daily will also mean that the weight loss will look more extreme than if you are just losing weight by itself (and help you to look great for that wedding!). I am definitely smaller all around than the last time I was at this weight, even with fibroid tumors in the way. You can do this!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1479 days ago
    This is a fantastic blog!! I see so many of my own excuses. Great new goal!! emoticon
    1479 days ago
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