The Scale Never Lies: The Hard Reality of Weight Gain
Friday, April 04, 2014
It doesn’t matter how hard I work out (I didn’t this week, only 182 fitness minutes so far), it’s all about what I eat. Eating a second meal after dinner and/or inhaling an entire box of cheese nips will only make my belly bigger and my ability to fit semi-comfortably into my 22s again. Even when I read (which is a passion of mine), I feel like I HAVE to eat something. It’s ridiculous, but it’s my reality.
Unfortunately, I’m back to a weight that I haven’t seen in over 2 years. I’ve got to accept it; accept that I’ve hit a major setback and that if I really want to be thinner I’ve got to work for it. I worked my butt off (literally) during 2011-2012 and I had a 100lb loss to show for it. I am now looking at 237 square in the face, not believing what I see in the mirror when I wake up in the morning. Old pictures from during that time when I was around 190 and a size 12 make me yearn to be back there. Looking at my favorite size 12 dress was torture this morning as I tried to find something that wouldn’t showcase my belly. As badly as I want to lose the weight I just don’t know if I have the mental strength to restrict myself to get back to under 199. I feel like I’ve tried all that I can and even though I had lost 6lbs in March, it was restriction and over 90 minute workouts that did it. I was exhausted and friggin’ hungry ALL OF THE TIME. Maybe I have no idea of what I’m doing, maybe I haven’t been doing the right things all along which made me gain my weight back. So many questions, so much to think about. I’ve even gone as far as to consider weight loss surgery (again) I’m at such a loss. I’m frustrated SparkBuddies, and that scale doesn’t lie.