April Showers, How Apropos

Thursday, April 03, 2014

The best and worst thing about a new month is the hope you have for making it better than last month. Given how my 2014 has progressed, it honestly wouldn't be hard for April to fly past January, February, and March as "best month yet!"
But so far, it's a glum grasp at the title. My sleep has gone all weird, and I'm pretty sure Tuesday, if not also Monday, I somehow forgot to take my medication. Which means I felt super weird and sad on Wednesday, and today? I slept. Almost the entire day. The rain and thundershowers were not helpful.
Dear Husband woke me with dinner and somehow after that I got dressed and went to the gym. So that was good.
Bad? Sleeping. Still feeling unmotivated. Haven't written a word for Camp Nano (I should be at 1,500 words today). Haven't had much water the past two day. Annoyed at the 4.5/5 on my Beethoven assignment. Peer reviewed, which is generally a laugh, but 4.5!! BOOOO.
I "won" an e-lance job, but I haven't accepted it yet because it's like...the money would be nice. The work? I think I'd get tired of it after like two days because it'd be boring and tedious and I just want to be at a "normal" job again!! The parameters are kind of stupid and inflexible as well. Which is making me lean towards 'no' even more.
It all feels like it steams from the same thing in my mind: I don't know what to do with myself. I'm this weird mixed up ball of disinterest and fear. Scared to work another job that I hate and makes me unhappy. Scared to write because I want so much from it. How do you find a path to walk in the sands of the desert?
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