Trying Again.. For the last time!!

Sunday, March 30, 2014

Over the past 2 years, I've struggled with finding the time to workout and be healthy. I've fallen back into very bad habits, including not working out or eating right. As a result, I've gained back every bit of the 46 pounds I previously lost. This, more than anything, has been a big blow to my self esteem and confidence.

I made an announcement on Facebook to all of my friends and family that this year I would lose 75 pounds. I have only gotten to work out twice and have been teetering back and forth between 5-8 pounds lost since then. I know that when i dedicate time to work on myself, I am fully capable of losing weight…. The issue I'm finally identifying in myself is that I've lost confidence. Not just in how I approach weight loss, but in my decisions, how I look, and how I perceive what others think about how I look. I've been feeling like a 3rd wheel in my personal life and just down in general when it comes to participating in things. One main difference between the last time I weighed what I currently weigh and now is that before, I didn't realize how big I was. Now, after having lost such a large amount, I can literally feel the difference in my body, how I move, and what I look like.

My point in this blog is to release some of this inner turmoil because I recently made a pretty big decision. I have been trying to juggle a lot of different things, quite possibly to get a feeling of success back. However, I have recognized that I have way too much on my plate (work, school, homework, raising a pre-teen, and running a Cub Scout pack & den). I made the decision to quit my job so that I could reduce some of the stress in my life and re-gain myself. By doing this, I have given myself much more time, cut down on my commuting times between work/school/student teaching placement. It will allow me to take a different, shorter route home that (ironically) goes right past one of the locations of the gym I joined a couple of months ago.

In quitting my job, I made the decision to start going to the gym at least 3 days a week right after class. I have a goal to prep my gym bag the night before and hang it on the front door handle so that I don't forget it (because I'm really good at forgetting important things, including my purse on occasion), and drive directly to the gym after class. I will not pass go, I will not go eat an unhealthy lunch/snack, I WILL collect my dignity and self confidence back along the way.

I want to get back on track and lose a significant amount of weight for what is remaining of this year. If I want to get to my goal weight, I quite literally have to lose an entire person... I'm talking a grown, woman of a healthy weight… off my body. What a horribly daunting task! But, not only do I have the Spark community to support me along the way, I'm very lucky to have an extremely supportive social circle of people who have or are currently pursuing similar goals; many of which who have been successful and are inspiring me to finally make a permanent change in my life.

What do I want? I want to FINALLY get healthy. I want to FINALLY put my past hurts and disappointments behind me. I want to FINALLY live my life to the fullest and stop watching from the sidelines.

I will be successful and I WILL NOT ever give up again.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I am with you about improving health and weight goals but I have read some "success" stories where the goal was reached and instead of satisfaction, depression set in? Odd to want something so bad, strive so long and hard -- to find the same emptiness at the end. Don't give up, the goals are right and good, but fulfillment is a spiritual thing. Have you met the man at the well? He fulfills (John 4).

    Good luck to you and true success in your efforts!
    1349 days ago
    i loved reading this blog entry. i have similar feelings about where i am at in my life and how i feel about my body. it is hard to get back up and try again when you have failed in the past (especially with so much on your plate), but you can do it!!! thats great that you have a supportive social group and sparkpeople is an amazing, motivating group as well. hang in there and stay strong and you will do it! :)

    2082 days ago
    I understand what your saying. I myself have came and gone many times here on Spark . Today is my first day back. Don't ever give up... emoticon
    2085 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/31/2014 11:10:33 AM
  • JAROL7
    You can do it .... life is made up of our choices. You are in control.
    2085 days ago
    It's hard losing. Weight and then gaining it back. You made some tough decisions and did what you Thad to do. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and you will see success. School is a full Tim e job in and of itself. Many people just don't realize how much work goes into it. Good luck with everything!!

    2085 days ago
  • DEE1221
    You are determined!! YOU WILL SUCCEED. Don't ever give up on yourself! emoticon
    2085 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.