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Life Is Absolutely Nuts

Monday, March 24, 2014

Happy Monday SparkBuddies,

My weekend was very good overall, having a lot more time has been really nice. With me not being in a show, time is something I have a lot more of and I’m grateful for every extra second.
This past week I have been cleaning, organizing and re-decorating my room in hopes that getting rid of the clutter will cheer me. It HAS. It’ll take me a good while to complete everything to my liking, but I have a feeling things will be a lot clearer for me mentally as they are already are. Recently, I was denied for an apartment that I really loved and while I was devastated, I decided that I wasn’t going to give up. Instead of wallowing in self pity (which I did for a day or two), I started tackling the absolute mess that has become my room. Over the next few weeks, I’m going to donate items I no longer need/use/want. I feel really good seeing my progress each day, and I love the changes I’ve made so far.

Saturday my parents and I went out to a 5 star restaurant by the beach to celebrate my mother’s birthday. We had a blast. I was feeling pretty down the entire day, cleaning as I let my Depression do what it wanted (within reason of course). Not realizing that I hadn’t taken my medication, I almost had a panic attack when my Dad surprised my mom and me with dinner. You see, if my family wants to do anything fun, it’s up to me financially since my mother can no longer work. My Dad and I hold up the house by our shoulders and I can’t even begin to tell you how exhausting it is. Because I had to get car insurance my funds were absolutely low and I promised my mother I’d take her out to eat next week when I got paid again. We planned on watching movies and having a simple dinner at home, which was fine with us. My mother beamed, excited while I was absolutely panicked because I hadn’t left the house the entire day and was still in my pajamas. Long story short, we drove down to the beach and had a lovely time. I had the mahi with orzo and artichokes, good Lord, more and more I LOVE artichokes. We toasted to my mother and her health, admiring the amazing sunset.

Sunday I was supposed to meet with a friend whom I had a falling about a year previously, but she stood me up. I had ordered my food, was about to pay the check when she suddenly showed up apologizing profusely. When I checked my phone, she was over an hour late with no explanation. As she sat down, ordered her food and FINALLY explained to me what happened, I nodded in agreement when she mentioned how crazy life is. I was very proud of myself because I didn’t tell her it was okay for being so late, but I simply nodded and she paid for my breakfast. We ended up having a lovely time, but it wasn’t the best way to re-start a friendship. We chatted about life, therapy, mutual friends and of course, theatre and art. It was nice to see her and laugh with her again, we truly did have a good time together. I’m handling the new friendship with trepidation to say the very least. She and I will never be as close as we were, but we can at least laugh about it. When she explained what was going on in her life at the end of our friendship, I sort of understood what had happened. It didn’t hurt any less, but I appreciated her telling me. I learned a lot about life in our very short amount of time that we spent together, one thing being was that life is never as it seems in reality. Someone may look like they have every friend in the world, but in reality, they could be the loneliest person on the planet. I could go on and on, but you know what I mean. Oh and I forgot to take my meds AGAIN.

The whole weekend I hadn’t been feeling well. Figuring it was stress, I ignored it and chugged water as best as I could. This morning I had to be at work at 6am and SparkBuddies I was ILL. It was difficult to drive, my head was spinning and I was freezing one minute and sweating the next. If I wasn’t going to feel any better, I was going to rush myself to the hospital. Immediately, I remembered that I hadn’t taken my meds for almost 3 days and WITHDRAWAL flashed in my mind. I parked, popped my antidepressant and hoped for the best. WedMD confirmed my suspicious and every symptom I had been experiencing the past 3 days was exactly what I had gone through. As the days goes on, I’m beginning to feel better and the panic has passed.

Moral to the story of my weekend?

1). Take your meds EVERY DAY.
2). Learn from the past, don’t repeat it.

Life is absolutely nuts.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Great mantras to carry forward!

    1857 days ago
    1857 days ago
  • PICKIE98
    I am glad you are leery of your renewed friendship.. burned once, twice shy...

    glad you feel better..
    1858 days ago
    I have a pill organizer so things like that don't happen. I have to take my thyroid med 1st thing in the morning, then wait 1 hr. before eating or drinking. If I forget, I'm a sunk ship!

    HUGS and glad you at least got together with your friend. I'd approach things cautiously as well. I think that's a pretty natural reaction for sure!
    1858 days ago
    i always appreciate your blogs because i feel you speak from a genuine, heartful place. yippee that you are creating your room to be a pleasurable, safe space for yourself. may you remember that this wellness journey is not just about nutrition/weight/fitness, it is about learning to care for yourself, all aspects of yourself, in skillful, beneficial, tender ways. whatever you have to do to remember to take your meds (put them in a different place? have reminders pop up daily on your computer/phone? post-it notes in helpful locations?), please do it, sweetie. it is simply not an option, without your medical professional's say so, to change your routine. you have been clear about learning from your mistakes, and indeed, i applaud you for that. i'm just cheering you on to keep yourself a priority. i'm thinking you have had a few "falling outs" with yourself--don't show up late for yourself, dear one. may you treasure the friend that is miss b! emoticon
    1858 days ago
  • SUGAR0814
    Glad you had a great weekend! But please, PLEASE, remember to take your meds! emoticon
    1858 days ago
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