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Me. Too. Negative.

Sunday, March 16, 2014

I have been feeling down lately and I know I have always been more the jar's half empty type of person but right now I am so negative I can hardly stand myself! When you annoy your own self with your own negativity it is time to do something about it!

I didn't realize how bad it was until I was looking at my Balance and Moderation's team goals. I'm supposed to say 5 things I'm grateful for each day? I'm supposed to be kind to myself? How can I do that when I am in the "I hate everything" mode and sort of can't stand myself?

This was a slap in the face for me. Yes, I'm cheerful and supportive but inside I'm feeling so negative about myself and my life. I don't really know why. I do have some positives:

1. A loyal and faithful hard working husband
2. No major drama in my life
3. My son is 2 years heroin free
4. I have a job that I mostly enjoy
5. I have support from friends and teammates here at SP
6. I love my 2005 Chevy Impala that I inherited from my dad when he died.
(My car is actually haunted and I feel him with me often (my husband had to remind me how
much I love my car and what a positive it is for me. See....I'm in a bad way!)

It might not be a huge list but its a start. I need to stop feeling sorry for myself!

So my life isn't perfect. Who's is? So I don't like the house I live in. I just need to work harder in the house to make it a happier place for me. So I hate winters here. Get over it, most people have much worse winters. So I have health problems. Again, who doesn't? So we are broke and forced to live frugally. So are a lot of folks and truly, sometimes it is rewarding and fun being frugal. So we don't get fabulous vacations every year (or even a decade). We did get to go to Hawaii 3 years ago and I can treasure those memories always. So I don't have the figure I had a couple years ago. Oh well, I still have a better figure than I did in my 20's and early 30's. So I wasn't born beautiful. I have a big personality and great sense of humor. So I wasn't born brilliant. At least I have common sense, empathy and a caring nature.

Its time for me to bust out of this rut. I can't be negative. Negative in, negative out...its all just destructive and gets me nowhere. I am going to force myself to become more positive. I'm going to force myself to stop the negative self talk and work on being nicer to myself. There is nothing to be gained by beating myself up. I'm only making my life harder to deal with and truly, it just isn't that bad. I just let myself get in such a negative, I don't LET myself, I actually put myself there...and its so hard to climb out. But this is a climb I need to make.

From this moment on, one day at a time, I'm going to be more positive. I won't become Pollyanna overnight, but to become a bit more positive every day will go a long way to making me a happier person and probably more pleasant to be around.

Thanks for your ongoing support my sparkfriends!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Wow Kelly - I'd never have guessed you were in a negative place. Its NOT what you project outwardly at all. So - read your own blog and JUST DO IT! I LOVE the gratitude idea - its something I've been working on for a good long while now and it WORKS! I find things to be grateful for constantly - you will too when you start looking for them!! And you know what? The more I look, the more I find, the more I GET!! I myself choose to say a little prayer of thanks for the smallest blessing (think, the light at the 'big' intersection - you know, the one that stays red forever when you catch it - being green). Or getting a parking place near the door when its raining (I don't care if its not raining - a better walk.) Things like that. And the more prayers I say, the more green lights I get. Just sayin'......
    1497 days ago
    Okay girl! I am going to leave this here. Last year someone recommended this book for me and it has been a lifechanging read for me.
    I wish we could add links into blogs but there it is. The name of the book is The Happiness Project and the basis of the book is a woman who set out to do a year long project to create more happiness in her life. I am doing one of my own and am three months in. She gives ideas on how to do one of your own but it is amazing how taking a month to put focus and emphasis on things that are out of balance are helping.

    Negativity begets negativity. I am one who knows this all too well. It is hard and not easy to overcome. One thing that I am doing as part of my project is writing down 5 tthings daily (I use my Evernote so I can do it from my phone, tablet or computer and can go back to it for quick results) that I am thankful for. It is nice to be able to create that little bit of positivity (is that even a word???) to my day when things have been rough.

    Hang in there! You can do this!!
    1497 days ago
  • KA_JUN
    It's a good attitude and a difficult thing to admit one's weak spots. If you see it, it means you can address it, because it's a target that you're aware of. Gradual steps towards it, and steady gratefulness exercises will get you towards where you want to be, that list you posted is a great start! Keep fighting!
    1498 days ago
    Kelly, I put myself in a hole every once in a while. It is so hard to dig out once I'm down in there. I know you exercise fairly regularly--I have found that when I'm not exercising is when I become very negative and depressed. So, for me, I start walking or ST or something. I hate it--but, you know what, within a couple of days I'm feeling better.
    I think the negative draws more negative energy. The positive will begin to draw positive. I think making those lists; keeping a gratitude journal; trying to replace a negative thought with a positive are all the types of things that will help. You know where you are and where you want to be; focus on the positive even when you don't feel it eventually works. I also like what Morticia had to say about foods.
    Personally, I think you're great. You seem to be smart and cute! emoticon I know it's often easier to find our negative than our positive and sometimes it's hard to hear others say positive things about us. You need to listen to all of these Spark friends who you've touched just by being you. Treat yourself like you would a friend. Start saying some nice things to yourself. You deserve it!!!! Hugs!!
    1499 days ago
  • MISSM66
    Kelly you need to SNAP out of that Negativity,from reading some of your blog I know that you are positive woman,you talk very upbeat and give some good motivational support to your team members,so what is going on in your life why you get so negative,you must always think about you as the number one person never put anyone before you,be very kind to your self and remember LIFE is the greatest gift to you and while there is LIFE there is HOPE,so please think POSITIVE,keep emoticon emoticon keep emoticon emoticon keep doing your emoticon emoticon and keep a HAPPY emoticon emoticon
    1499 days ago
  • WINNIE1978
    Yes, please stop with the negative self-talk because from where I'm sitting, you are pretty fabulous!

    It seems like you did a pretty good job of pointing out the positives for quite a few situations. Hopefully the more you exercise the positivity, the easier it'll come to you.

    1499 days ago
    I have always thought you were very special. I hope you can find some peace and come to terms with this.

    I think you should look at dietary changes. I know there are foods to avoid and foods to consume to elevate your mood. They say you should avoid caffeine, gluten, salt, alcohol, smoking, and foods high in fat and sugar. Get lots of B vitamins in. Eat thinks like chocolate with a high cacao amount. Brazil nuts. Flax. Chia. Walnuts. Seeds. Peas. Tuna, salmon, fish, chicken, turkey. Cabbage. Quinoa. Oats. Fruits and veggies. Garlic. Whole grain long cooking brown rice. Fish oil is supposed to be really good for depression. Cayenne pepper, rosemary, ginger, cardamom and basil. And sunshine. Exercise .
    1499 days ago
    I'm so sorry that you're feeling so down! Now to me, that doesn't sound like you at all. I always love all your uplifting, encouraging comments that you give to me to keep me going and with every one of your pictures, you always look so happy, so I have no other reason to think of you being down. And yet I know that we're all human and that this can happen to each and every one of us. To me you are so pretty, so gorgeously beautiful and so little and I envy you so much. Now does that make you feel better??!! I hope it does and that you will bounce above this slump soon. You are so precious to me and I don't like you feeling down because that makes me feel kind of down too. We're one big happy family here and it's good that you came here to vent. emoticon emoticon Karen
    1499 days ago
  • _BABE_
    We can get so caught up in what we don't have that we fail to see what is right under our nose. When you mentioned Pollyanna, I remembered the Italian film 'Life is Beautiful'. While no is discounting the struggles of everyday modern can certainly gain perspective from those who have had real life and death problems to face.

    1499 days ago
    I've never imagined you to be the least bit negative, so this revelation is surprising. But this just goes to show how all of us can be quite good at just showing our best. You are one of the most supportive people I've met on Spark. Maybe it's time to give more support to yourself. I think those of us that actually have a cold, snowy winter are pretty sick of it by now. This to shall pass, and better days are ahead. Having just gone through a bad time with your house flooding, it's quite understandable that you are down on your house. I'm anticipating lower level flooding issues myself. We haven't had a big thaw yet. I never even had my roof shoveled, but should have.

    Be extra kind to yourself. I think finding 5 things to be grateful for each day is a terrific idea. It can put things in perspective for us. emoticon Denise

    1499 days ago
    I sound like you and stumbled on this page yesterday.


    1499 days ago
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