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Follow up to Wk 152 blog

Thursday, March 13, 2014

Several times this week I have sat down to write to each of you that left me a comment on my Week 152 blog post. But I just couldn't get myself to write anything. I realized today that the problem wasn't having nothing to write, but realizing that what I needed to write to each of you was the same thing.

Here's an analogy of how I see this situation: I got really drunk at a party and made a complete fool of myself, said things to people that I never should have. Now, the next day I need to seek out each person and issue a formal apology. But since each apology will sound the same it seems so contrite and patronizing. So the smarter thing to do would be to gather everyone and issue a formal apology to the group as a whole, heart felt and sincere.

I want to say that I read all of the comments, several times actually. I was touched by the responses to my childish outburst. From some of you relating your own troubles to show me that we are all at one time or another "in the $hit" and others that metaphorically put an arm around my shoulder and said, "let it out, you have the right to get angry".

The common thread throughout the comments was the uplifting tone. Reminding me of what I have done, how far I've come and that this is just temporary.

I can report that I do feel better, not about anything in particular because nothing in particular has changed, but feeling better overall. So thank you all so much for taking the time to comment, it does mean a lot to me, even if it takes me almost a full week to let you all know.

As for this current week, I am hopeful that I will post at least a small loss. It won't be easy though as my bad mood and "screw it" attitude carried into the early part of the week. I'm also dealing with a left shoulder that has been sitting partially dislocated since Monday morning. It's pinching a nerve and from my underarm down to my ring and pinky fingers, the lower half of my arm is in a state of tingling / 'pins & needles", not to mention the pain in the shoulder joint itself . So I'm still dealing with issues, but I'm not in such a bad mood.

Again, thank you for the kind words that have helped me straighten out my perspective a little.

Ken Heaston
Since 1970

p.s. Nothing can be done about the shoulder. I saw the best orthopedic surgeon in my area when it first became a problem, about 10 years ago. After dye injections, x-rays and over 1,000 pictures taken in an MRI machine, the surgeon found that he couldn't fix the problems without potentially causing a more serious problem. The ligaments that hold the humerus bone in the socket are torn both anterior and posterior (front and back). The surgeon informed me that both sets of ligaments would have to be cut, cleaned up then re sewn. The problem is that if it doesn't come out perfect, the shoulder will dislocate completely to whichever side has the tightest ligaments. Fun stuff.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    You are a trooper, I knew you would dust yourself off and stand up again.
    1494 days ago

    We all get in the dumps brother and there is no shame in that. There is no shame in getting it out either. Sorry about the shoulder. I severely dislocated mine playing football and it has never been the same so I feel some of your pain. Glad you did have a pretty good week though Bro!
    1497 days ago
    Haven't caught up on all the reading I'd like to, just these last two blogs...and worries! Apologies not needed! This road is HARD and this site is where each and every one of us 'gets it'! If everyone were positive and happy and can-do all the time, would we really have an issue with our weight loss/get healthy journeys to begin with?
    Thanks for sharing your humanity.
    As for the sucks. Wish there was something to say or do to make it better, but doesn't sound like there is. So a choice lies ahead...succumb to self-pity and head down that dangerous path, or accept it (sucky-ness and all) and do the best you can each day (forgiving yourself for a period of down in the dumps from time to time). Go with option 2, Go with option 2 (jumping up and down...heehee!)

    Hang in there, Ken! You continue to inspire us all!

    Back to report cards for me...

    1503 days ago
    Hey bro!

    glad to hear you are feeling better about life in general. I knew you'd shake out of it. I have faith in you. But we all have our weak moments. periods where everything is too much. where everything is too hard and we are not good enough. Good thing you came here and voiced it. You got all the support Spark can give and, let me tell you, there is a lot here.

    Aren't we lucky to be here and have all those people carrying us when we are too tired to walk? I have found that this really is a big family. brought together by the magic of internet. But a family none of the less.

    No matter what this week will turn out to be. You are back and it will show on the scale soon enough.

    1504 days ago
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    1504 days ago
  • -DAVE-
    I consider you a brother. I consider almost everybody here a brother or sister. That's the way it is for me. I am happy for you and having nothing but respect for your progress and your blogs.

    I can't comment about the shoulder as I know nothing of your situation or pain; it does sound like a hindrance though. Do the best you can, don't aggravate it and hopefully you won't get drunk again anytime soon. If you do, call me so we can party together and share stories of the old days....


    1504 days ago
  • _BABE_
    My goodness! Now you made me feel better because I realize I am not the only one who has to deal with defective parts. The shoulder is a tough spot to fix I hear so I feel for you. I also realize that you are probably on top of the latest medical advice...or are you...things have changed in the last 10 years my friend.

    Speaking of being friends have to know we are all here cheering you on and I for one am glad you are feeling better. It really is your perspective that will take you into another realm...I believe this now...YOU can heal your life.

    (that sounded new agey...and I am not... so if I buy into it there has to be something there....right Dave?) I am sure Dave will read this... emoticon
    1504 days ago
    OMG! I LOVE that second paragraph! Why? Cause I could have used this so many times in the past few years, myself. Times when I, too, thought the same exact thing - that all of my comments were going to sound exactly the same, contrite and, yes, patronizing. And that really sucks when the truth is we really are appreciative of what others have said, as well as having an appreciation for the such great support.
    Anywho, will it be considered plagiarism when I 'borrow' this someday? Ya just know I'm going to. emoticon I love this analogy, I truly do!

    Dang, your shoulder partially dislocated since Monday morning!!! That has to be some mighty wicked pain! I am sorry that you are dealing with this, but hope the shoulder shifts back in place soon. Don't know how you are dealing with this and even thinking at the moment about your regular health program - but if you are, you sure have grit, Ken - true grit!

    Wishing you a better tomorrow fer sure.... emoticon
    1504 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/13/2014 8:36:51 PM
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    1504 days ago
    Darlin thats what we are here lift each other there when the other is having a rough day (in my case
    I hope you know how much you inspire people and how (at least me!) we look forward to reading your weekly blog.
    Hang in...i know pain..this is hard to say and harder to understand what i'm saying..embrace the pain. Acknowledge that it sucks.
    About a month and a half after my knee replacement i woke up to a really unsettling feeling. It scared me. as in..I called for help...i thought something was really terribly wrong. When asked what was hurting, where, what was it like, i couldnt describe it. I made an emergency therapy appointment. My PT said "i cant help you if you dont tell me whats wrong!!" Finally, after alot of manipulation and trying to figure it out, i realized that for the first time in literally 38 years i didnt hurt. It scared the heck out of me. I had no clue how to deal with it, and i was not at all sure i was liking it.
    Of course, it was transient..I still hurt most days, but not as bad as before. And on the off day when there is no to little poin i really have to remind myself thats a good thing, even though it feels very wrong'm just never happy am i?
    anyhow..BIG HUGS....and thank you for saying whats on your heart..
    1504 days ago
    1504 days ago
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