Birthday Stress

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

WARNING this is totally a rant.

I will probably sound whiny and ungrateful and I realize that, but I just really needed to complain to someone. You know how it is. Sometimes you just need to unload. Everyone here has always been so wonderful and non-judgemental, so I apologize in advance for potentially sounding like a spoiled child in this blog.

Ok, this is going to sound weird, but my birthday is totally stressing me out!! Not the another year older part. I am totally ok with that. It is the whole fact that some friends are attempting to throw a surprise party. They don't know that I know. My husband, who knows I hate things like this, didn't want me to be completely sandbagged. He is doing everything he can to convince them that this is the WORST idea possible. They just don't get it. Now he is stressed out about it and I am stressed out about it. The thought of this party is making me nuts! I enjoy attending other people's parties, but quite honestly, there are a few reasons why I don't throw them for myself. Truth be told, I didn't even want to attend my own bridal shower. I only had one because my mother was adamant!

The expense of a party really stresses me out. The thought of all that money that is spend and it is all over in a few short hours. I would MUCH rather take my hard earned money and my years of living on a ridiculously tight budget and go on vacation. My husband and I haven't been on a vacation ALONE (no family, etc.) since we were married 10 years ago!

Also, I know too many people in this town. There are a select few that I consider close friends. Those are the people I'd enjoy celebrating with, however, in this day and age of social media it is bound to get out and all the numerous other people I know would find out about it and would potentially be offended or hurt because they weren't included. I know several think we are closer than we actually are and would expect to be on that short list and truth is, they aren't. That said, the entire time I would just be stressing over who was left out, whether they will hear about it, and how to then mend their hurt feelings. End result? Invite everyone. And then we are back to the money issue where it becomes a HUGE expense and I would much rather not spend all that money in a mere matter of hours. Not to mention that most of the people I know are in similar financial straits. Even if you tell them not to bring a gift they will and I know they really can't afford to.

My two friends are trying to throw this surprise party. Um. Does it not occur to anyone that if a surprise party were something I would have enjoyed that my HUSBAND, the person who knows me better that anyone else in the world wouldn't have thought of this one on his own?! Not that this is at all true, but he now feels like anyone they have already mentioned it to is thinking that he is totally slacking on doing something big for my birthday. So not the case. Before all this he found a couple of very nice, but affordable hotels in Mobile and Charleston and told me to pick where I wanted to go. THAT is my idea of an excellent birthday! HE gets me.

That said, I can't even begin to think of how many people I have already told that ALL I want to do for my 40th is to just go away somewhere quiet and sunny and spend time with my husband. I don't even want any gifts. I just want a few days of quiet where we can turn off our phones and enjoy each other's company. Why can't people respect that? Now my sweet husband is taking about canceling this trip I have been looking forward to all year because other people are pushing him into this stupid party I DO NOT WANT! Ugh.

He keeps asking me if I am saying I don't want a party because of the expense or because of him. He even has tried to think of other ways to celebrate like a series of dinners out with select close friends. I know he doesn't want me to miss out on anything especially since he knows I totally love celebrating my birthday, but all we ever do is spend a day together with out our phones, go to eat and then to a museum or the zoo or something where we can just relax. So, it is a big birthday and rather than just one day I asked for a whole weekend of that. This is all I want. Why can't everyone just let me celebrate the way I would like to? Why does it have to be what is expected of me instead? I don't want to sound ungrateful to those two friends. They are really incredibly sweet and I appreciate all they are wanting to do, but I have told them a MILLION times now that all I want to do is go away with my husband for a long weekend. Why won't they listen to me?!?!
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  • OPTIMIST1948
    I asked DH if he wanted a party for his 40th, but no - so it felt *very weird* having just a dinner at home (with cannolis - there are not enough of us for cake) on such a landmark occasion. However he did agree to go flying. I'm getting him a tourist flight when the weather gets nicer and that is how we will celebrate. A bit belated but something more his speed.
    1894 days ago
    All I can say is, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1897 days ago
  • RAINA413
    BONOLICIOUS2, TRUST ME, I feel VERY VERY blessed to have such incredible, kind, generous, and wonderful friends!! I don't want them to spend what little money they have on me. We are all struggling at this time. I have asked my husband to gently let them know that the three of us (the two friends wanting to do the party & I) should all just go out for mani/pedis instead. He even offered to treat the three of us!! Honestly, this is something much more my speed. And then we can also afford to go away. I am so very lucky to have such wonderful people in my life and I feel so horrible and ungrateful complaining, but I honestly think I would feel worse knowing the wasteful spending a party would incur when non of us can afford that kind of excess right now.
    1897 days ago
    First of all - I think you are very lucky to have friends that care so much about you that they want to throw you a party!

    That being said, I know EXACTLY how you feel. I hate any sort of celebration in my honor, party, whatever - just like you said - feels like a waste of money and I'd rather do something like spend the day doing crafts or getting my nails done QUIETLY lol. You kept mentioning no phones and I had to laugh because I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN. Just shush, everybody, shush.

    I think you and your husband should still go away! Could you guys do both? I hear Charleston is lovely and you deserve some time together!

    Maybe you should just contact your friends and be like - I know what you're up to and I'm thankful but no? Always best to just be honest I think! Good luck and happy early bday!!!!!!!!

    1897 days ago
  • RAINA413
    Thank you so much SEATTLE58! I really appreciate your comments. It is nice to feel like I am not the only person out there who feels this way. Nice to know you "get it".
    1898 days ago
    I know just what you mean. I could've written this for how I KNOW how I would feel! I do not like being the center of attention either. MY DH knows me too well and knows that he would never put on anything for me like that. He's seen me throw one too many fits......and he still loves me!! I would just keep being adamant and more and more adamant and let them know that because of your nerves, you can't do anything like that. That really, really is my reason. Yes, I'm on medicine, but feel I could be on more, but also, if our body chemicals aren't made up to take certain things, should we keep drugging ourselves to do them after all? I don't really think so. Good luck to you and let us know that you could get it through their thick skulls and that it never happened! emoticon Friends are good friends but they also know when to lay off too, right?!
    1898 days ago
    Why not just consider the party as a gift to you out of your friends love? Or not.
    1898 days ago
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